[He's quiet for a moment, pondering something. Thinking about his place here and how he still can't control that he has to be here. Thinking about all the things he wished he could've done in Panem but couldn't.]
[All the people he'd wanted to stop. That he couldn't fight. That he just had to cower in fear from.]
[Some of whom made it so he couldn't do what his parents had wanted him to do.]
[("Don't hide. Live. Follow the sun. You'll make it to Tomorrow.")]
[Every arena he'd hidden. Every arena he'd died. Every day had been spent trapped in a darkness that stuck to his heart like tar. And every day they'd held him back from Tomorrow.]
[Because he'd come to realize that Tomorrow wasn't a place. Eep was his Tomorrow. Is. But they'd promised themselves to each other. It wasn't supposed to just be a short time, it was supposed to be every tomorrow after too. Every one.]
[So even now, even if the Alliance lets him visit home, he won't be able to just stay. Until there's a way home for good, his life will still be rent in two, partly in an alien place full of things that feel unnatural, and only partly at home. Some of his days with her will still be stolen from him. Some of her days with him will be stolen from her.]
[The only way to make this hurt less is for his time in this world to mean something more than it had meant in Panem.]
Has it been hard to keep it a secret from people? From the Alliance.
[He shrugs one shoulder, mock casually, raises an eyebrow, and adds sardonically.]
no subject
[All the people he'd wanted to stop. That he couldn't fight. That he just had to cower in fear from.]
[Some of whom made it so he couldn't do what his parents had wanted him to do.]
[("Don't hide. Live. Follow the sun. You'll make it to Tomorrow.")]
[Every arena he'd hidden. Every arena he'd died. Every day had been spent trapped in a darkness that stuck to his heart like tar. And every day they'd held him back from Tomorrow.]
[Because he'd come to realize that Tomorrow wasn't a place. Eep was his Tomorrow. Is. But they'd promised themselves to each other. It wasn't supposed to just be a short time, it was supposed to be every tomorrow after too. Every one.]
[So even now, even if the Alliance lets him visit home, he won't be able to just stay. Until there's a way home for good, his life will still be rent in two, partly in an alien place full of things that feel unnatural, and only partly at home. Some of his days with her will still be stolen from him. Some of her days with him will be stolen from her.]
[The only way to make this hurt less is for his time in this world to mean something more than it had meant in Panem.]
Has it been hard to keep it a secret from people? From the Alliance.
[He shrugs one shoulder, mock casually, raises an eyebrow, and adds sardonically.]
Because I could use a hobby.