[For some reason, the answer Accelerator gives is difficult to really grasp. Again it conflicts with everything else. It sounds like a terrible reason, and yes, a selfish one, but to go so far as to fight that many people just for, what, a title? A rank upgrade?
No. That wasn't it. That wasn't solely it. You had to be desperate for something to put yourself through that kind of hell.
Ten thousand and thirty-one...
Donnie wants to just exit himself from this conversation. It's easier than soaking it in and feeling almost physically ill as he tries to sort out this tangle of emotions, none of them good. It was hard enough dealing with his own. Empathy isn't his strong point, but then neither is being sympathetic. He's not quite sure what to say, or what Accelerator wants.
...no, that's not completely right. Accelerator had been self-condemning from before. This is what's been hanging over his head, why he saw himself as worse than scum, as worthless for effort. He's been trying to rebuild a wall, but he's left so many gaps.
It's easier to get a hold of himself when Donnie fixates on facts. Those he can deal with, at least slightly better. Information is just numbers and statistics. He can put a wall of his own up between that and the emotions that make things all goopy and messed up. Temporarily, at least.]
Was it worth it?
[Donnie looks over again at Accelerator as he asks, sounding more calm than he might actually feel. There's still a lot going on, and his expression is a sad one, a concerned one.]
no subject
No. That wasn't it. That wasn't solely it. You had to be desperate for something to put yourself through that kind of hell.
Ten thousand and thirty-one...
Donnie wants to just exit himself from this conversation. It's easier than soaking it in and feeling almost physically ill as he tries to sort out this tangle of emotions, none of them good. It was hard enough dealing with his own. Empathy isn't his strong point, but then neither is being sympathetic. He's not quite sure what to say, or what Accelerator wants.
...no, that's not completely right. Accelerator had been self-condemning from before. This is what's been hanging over his head, why he saw himself as worse than scum, as worthless for effort. He's been trying to rebuild a wall, but he's left so many gaps.
It's easier to get a hold of himself when Donnie fixates on facts. Those he can deal with, at least slightly better. Information is just numbers and statistics. He can put a wall of his own up between that and the emotions that make things all goopy and messed up. Temporarily, at least.]
Was it worth it?
[Donnie looks over again at Accelerator as he asks, sounding more calm than he might actually feel. There's still a lot going on, and his expression is a sad one, a concerned one.]