( closed ) that's why i tell

[ikols]

Who: loki ikols & kid loki thecoolerloki
What: sleepover night
When: post-strange's spooky house adventure
Where: loki's apartment in central city
Content Warnings: tba

[ Having asked for some time alone with the boy, Loki finds himself missing Peter as evening crawls onward and the apartment is too quiet. He busies himself with his tasks: adding blankets to the back of the couch that will serve as the boy's bed later, setting out an array of snack foods on the coffee table, and hooking up his consoles to the large TV on the wall. He calls for pizza early, two kinds in case the boy is picky, and plants his hands on his hips as he surveys his child-proofed home.

Anything of real worth or danger has been stuffed in his pocket of reality that he keeps items in when pockets don't match his outfit, so he feels confident there isn't a Norn Stone or wad of thousands of cash lying around forgotten. He figures that if the boy is planning on murdering him and exacting revenge then he will twist himself into knots in an attempt to do so and if it is truly going to be attempted the allure of doing it in Loki's flat will be too ironically delicious to resist, so they may as well get the temptation over with. That, and he doesn't like the idea of the boy snooping around trying to figure out where he lives; better he knows and stops caring.

When the knock comes on the front door, he opens to peer down. ]

You had better have brought pyjamas and a toothbrush.

Comments

[ikols]

But you didn't know, you lied.

[thecoolerloki]

Duh.

[ikols]

[ Pinching him on the leg for that 'duh'! ]

So, it was not your fault. You did not know of what you were unleashing, it was an accident.

[thecoolerloki]

[He kicks him back]

Except, I didn't care once I had actually unleashed it. I only allowed it to end because I grew tired.

[ikols]

That's a honking lie and not a very good one. My bird told me you were frightened but bravely holding your ground, I don't believe for a moment you let that house win.

[thecoolerloki]

I never cared about the house, Ikol.

[ikols]

Then why did you drag everyone into your whirlpool of a little adventure?

[thecoolerloki]

The spell described a space within a space, hidden from all. It supposedly worked better the more people you had cast it. I think everyone else saw it as some sort of secret base or clubhouse, that sort of thing children are often interested in.

I thought... well, there's no History of Asgard here, is there? No story for me to interrogate. But I know a place that not even Thor nor Odin could find. It's where I found you.

[ikols]

... I have been to that place, I saw you too. The Old Man as well. But it was not here, Loki, this realm is like a bone left out in the cold when it comes to knowing us, it couldn't if it tried. No part of us has imprinted here. The only bit that has for me, [ he taps him on the chest, over his heart, ] is here.

[thecoolerloki]

But you were technically born separate of us. And you were reborn, with a body of your own.

What if he's- [he indicates his head] ... what if he's still there.

[ikols]

Yes, I burned and was reborn. I am all myself, and still I went to the place only we can find, for I may not be him or you but I am Loki. I change as I will and do not apologise for it.

[ He sets his ale down between his thigh and the couch to summon his helm in his hand, rubbing a thumb absently over the spike of a horn. Shorter by far than a certain pair yet still sharp. ]

He will always be with us in some way, Loki, for we never really leave ... even when we die.

[thecoolerloki]

Then if he's not gone, I would speak with him. The one the spell produced was unable to answer me properly.

[... since he was built off Loki's own thoughts and insecurities and he couldn't answer questions that Loki didn't know the answer to.]

[ikols]

He is a ghost, a shade. What he could tell you would be spiteful and lost in its own rhetoric.

[ Tilting his head curiously, ]

I have his memories and magic, I can try to figure out which answers he would have given.

[thecoolerloki]

You told me before that you couldn't. That that is what makes you yourself, and not him.

[Which is why he sought an alternative.]

[ikols]

Yes, but I can guess.

[ ... Oh. ]

You can ask me things, Loki.

[thecoolerloki]

Alright.

[he sighs, like he's getting into character while they play pretend.]

Why did you not trust me to be Loki. Why... [this feels weird!] Why did you choose Ikol over me.

[ikols]

[ He thumbs the lip of his ale rather than the helm on his lap, mulling over inherited memories. ]

There was a ... kind of fear. Not enough failsafes. Erased from the Book of the Dead, it happened too easily, it was odd to win.

Near the end came violence and fear, and little else. Sadness, last of all.

[thecoolerloki]

Did you plan my fate from the start? What if I was the same as you? What if I was worse? What if I snapped the bird's neck without a second thought?

[ikols]

[ This really is weird. He closes his eyes and frowns, struggling. ]

Nothing was planned except for the failsafe. It was all chaos.

[thecoolerloki]

If it was chaos, you would've let me be. You were afraid of true change.

But then why did you make me a weak, powerless child? Why did I have to grow up without a family, without friends, without any memories beyond what Thor deemed acceptable? Why did you make my life worse than any other Loki's?

[ikols]

[ Giving up trying to make sense of smoke and mirrors, he wraps his arms around the boy and holds on. ]

[thecoolerloki]

[He sobs into his other self's chest and when he speaks again, it's clear he's directing his voice to the Loki in front of him, not the Loki that was.]

... why do I want to hurt people?

[ikols]

For the same reason I want to take away all the things they own and keep them in a room, because we can. We don't, which makes us different. Better.

[ A hand sweeps up and down the boy's back, other arm slung around his shoulders for support as he cries. Loki went through ego-death to cleanse himself of his self-hatred; what does the world want from a child? ]

He is a ghost. We will never know why he wove the chapters he did. I, for one, do not care what he intended and will do only as I please.

[thecoolerloki]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I don't believe anyone when they claim they don't hate or fear me. Even then, I feel as if I need to make them understand that they should.

[ikols]

You were made in a lesser image to appear weaker, I am sure, yet you are not. You worry me and I have rewritten realities into existence, give yourself a little credit. Those feelings of inadequacy are his and do not belong passed down to you.

I carried them for both of us.

[ Long fingers brush through the boy's hair and Loki slips the little helm away, bringing up his. Hesitating, offering. ]

You cannot steal this from me if you tried for a thousand years, though I will let you wear it now. If you want to know how it feels to be a Loki who owes no one proof of who he is.