[ Honestly, Doreen still has that reaction to every squirrel she meets, Clara is valid! ]

Sooo... we're looking for a recent PHD graduate? That definitely sounds like a grad student.

[ Seriously. Bowtie, insists on introducing himself as 'Doctor', very aware of his own cleverness... that's someone who just graduated and is very proud of it!]

Have you tried asking at the front desk? I'm not sure if there's a university here, but maybe there's been a recent graduation ceremony? I've heard grad parties can get pretty wild.