( he know what it feels like to keep it all in β to ignore it to the point of never really acknowledging it because it just hurts too much to and who the hell would ever willingly want to put themselves through such emotional torment? physical altercations? that seems to be more the way to deal with it β deal with the misplaced anger that's actually fear or pain. the last time he'd really been like this β where he'd really broken down as jason seems to be, is when he was still young, after his parents death, and had no one but alfred there to console him in whatever way he could.
[you needed a father, but all you had was me...]
he doesn't know what jason needs β doesn't know the words to say to make any of this better. so he just sits there with him, fingers slow and gentle in the way they rub his head in some quiet attempt to try and console him. fighting someone to make it better somehow seems so much more easier than this... but that's also why he needs to do this. because it's hard and difficult and teeters too close towards letting himself care.
but he does care. he's always cared. even when it seems like he doesn't. even when he's been callous with telling alfred how he's not his father. now he might lose him and he'd have to live with that guilt, too.
there's the faintest sound of discomfort there on his lips as he shifts some on the stool β as he shifts to face jason better and lets that hand there on the crown of jason's head drop down to rest at the nape of his neck instead. making it easier for jason to lean into him. to be held with the one hand there at the nape of his neck. no pushing away, no leaving him there to deal with what he's feeling on his own. eyes falling shut, he sits there with him, the sound of his laptop running the program it's working on filling the silence that hangs between them. )
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[you needed a father, but all you had was me...]
he doesn't know what jason needs β doesn't know the words to say to make any of this better. so he just sits there with him, fingers slow and gentle in the way they rub his head in some quiet attempt to try and console him. fighting someone to make it better somehow seems so much more easier than this... but that's also why he needs to do this. because it's hard and difficult and teeters too close towards letting himself care.
but he does care. he's always cared. even when it seems like he doesn't. even when he's been callous with telling alfred how he's not his father. now he might lose him and he'd have to live with that guilt, too.
there's the faintest sound of discomfort there on his lips as he shifts some on the stool β as he shifts to face jason better and lets that hand there on the crown of jason's head drop down to rest at the nape of his neck instead. making it easier for jason to lean into him. to be held with the one hand there at the nape of his neck. no pushing away, no leaving him there to deal with what he's feeling on his own. eyes falling shut, he sits there with him, the sound of his laptop running the program it's working on filling the silence that hangs between them. )