metalogs | when i was a kid, i thought i'd save the world

[ They're sitting together in the backseat of one of Bruce's very nice but less ostentatious cars. Alfred is up front, as usual. The familiar back roads leading up to Gotham proper pass by as they drive along. Dick is about seventeen, dressed in a school uniform consisting of a navy blazer with a school logo (Gotham Academy), a white polo shirt, khaki slacks, and well-polished shoes. His hair is slicked back with what probably took monumental effort and a lot of hair gel. Jason, should he look at himself, is dressed the same and seems to be fourteen at most.

Dick casts Jason a furtive glance before sighing. ]

Okay, you've been quiet all morning. What is it? Spill.

( it's not quite right. he and dick never went to school together; by the time jason had started going to school while under bruce's care, dick had been--elsewhere, running around with the titans doing his own thing. his head knows that, but his heart chooses to let the inconsistencies slide.

jason raises a hand up to his hair, fusses up the product until loose waves come loose. it'll curl, if washed out and given time to grow a little more. his hand lowers next, unbuttons the top of the polo. )

I feel like I'm playing dress up.

[ Dick snorts and decides to 'help' Jason by ruffling his hair. See? He's such a good big brother. ]

Right, because neither of us play dress-up on a regular basis.

[ For a brief moment, the dream flickers. Jason is briefly Robin and Dick is briefly Nightwing before the dream shifts back to normal. Neither Dick nor Alfred seem to have noticed. ]

Edited 2023-08-17 23:57 (UTC)

( jason freezes for a moment, just a fraction of a second, before he's ducking his head out from under dick's hand with a small smile. )

That's different and you know it.

[ Dick just laughs. ]

More comfortable in a cape than a blazer. You really are one of us.

[ His smile fades to something softer, more understanding. ]

I know it feels weird-- it took me awhile to get used to it too. I actually hated it at first. The clothes didn't fit the same and the fabric was too stiff [ Alfred lets out a pointed sniff from the front of the car ]-- not because of you, Alfred-- and it felt like I was smothering Circus Brat Dick Grayson in order to be Respectable Ward of Bruce Wayne's.

No one's ever gonna look at me and think "Respectable Ward of Bruce Wayne".

( he's not self-conscious about it. or at least, not by much. his lips purse, eyes on dick's own. takes a moment to consider how he wants to word it, rather than just running his mouth. because, )

Everyone knows where I came from. They hear me talk an' they know I'm out of my league. ( once again tugging on the collar of the school uniform, before he lets it go. ) Private school's so fancy.

( when he went after bruce adopted him, it was to public school. no uniforms, the usual hallway lockers, but it's not like jason went to school for long either. )

[ Dick looks thoughtful for a moment. ]

Gotham Academy accepts students from all over Gotham, from Bristol to the East End. Bruce might be paying the tuition, but you got in on your own merits, same as everyone else. Trust me, you're not going to be the only kid there who feels a little out-of-place. Besides, you have Babs, Artemis, and me. We'll help you get settled.

( lips purse together while jason--contemplates that for a moment, before he's throwing a wide grin dick's way. )

I'm going to beat all of your old school records before you're even out of school.

[ Dick just laughs. ]

Even becoming a mathlete?

Aside from being a mathlete. I hate math.

( but he says it with a smile on his face regardless. jason's more of a literature guy, and he knows better than to try to beat dick at his own game. being a show off, an acrobat, a mathlete apparently--but he can beat him elsewhere. )

[ He sighs dramatically. ]

Math is so misunderstood.

[ Dick grins. ]

There's an extra-curricular for everyone. You'll find yours, make friends, and beat me at everything. I only hope my ego can handle it. [ Ha. ]

Your ego'll be fine.

( and he's grinning back, shoving against dick's shoulder. )

Someone'll beat you eventually, why not your little brother?

[ He snorts and shoves back. ]

I don't know, being on a debate team with Babs is enough to destroy anyone's ego. [ He says this fondly, of course. Even after knowing her so long, his crush on her is still massive and embarrassing for everyone around him. ]

At least that's keeping it in the family, I guess.

( being involved in any kind of intellectual battle with babs is enough to destroy someone's ego. jason should know: he's done it numerous times. not at this age; he'd met her a few times, worked alongside her, but it was nothing more than the occasional team up. which--is quite the same for dick, isn't it. there were no drives to school together, no matching uniforms, no usurping all of dick's school records. it reminds him that this isn't how it went, this isn't real, this isn't jason's life.

even if he wishes it was.

jason leans into dick again, but it's not to shove against him. his nose scrunches up, and he's--sniffling in a way that hints at crying, but there's no visible tears. not yet. )

Could always be worse. Could be Garth kicking your ass.

[ Language, master Jason, Alfred says from the driver's seat.

It doesn't take a world-class detective to notice the shift in Jason's mood. He ruffles Jason's hair gently. ]

Something else is bothering you. Wanna talk about it?

Sorry, Alfie.

( it's grumbled softly; jason leans into dick when he ruffles his hair. hesitantly raises an arm to wrap it around him. . )

No. I just--I wish this was real.

[ Dick reciprocates with a tight hug, though he's clearly confused.

The dream wavers at the edge a little, as one of the dreamers has become aware. ]

What do you mean?

( he doesn't answer at first. just curls into dick tighter despite the fact they're in a moving vehicle and he is still buckled in. the seatbelt can handle it. )

Don't worry about it.

[ He just sighs deeply and gives Jason a strong hug. The dream wavers again, slightly, and mist starts to cling to the outside of the window. Alfred still drives on, charting an unseen path. ]

You know saying 'don't worry about it' does the opposite with me, right?

I know.

( but he doesn't take it back either. just sucks in another breath that feels almost foreign; he feels too big for his body, less in the literal way and more--all the shit that wants to pour out of him. jason doesn't successfully prevent the tears from leaking out, but he is quiet about it. )

[ Dick notices the tears, but he says nothing. Cold fog presses against the glass until it's seeped into the car, obscuring everything except for Dick and Jason.

Dick is no longer seventeen, but twenty-one. Physically, he's a little broader than before but the change is mostly in exhaustion permeating him.

His voice is soft, like he's talking to himself. ]

I wish this was real too.

( dick gets older, but jason - gets younger. smaller, scruffier. he goes from being closeish in age to dick to maybe twelveish, even if he's significantly smaller than anyone would expect from a tween. stays pressed against dick regardless, even if he's also--pulling his legs up as if he could make himself even smaller if he curls in on himself. )

It's not on you. It never was.

[ Dick puts his arm around Jason, affectionate but sad.

His voice cracks. ]

The one time you needed me, I wasn't there.

when i was a kid, i thought i'd save the world

you took your share of darkness ★ closed to @reneger

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