metalogs | [Open] How To Seek A Dream

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marvel comics: david alleyne

[Open] How To Seek A Dream

Who: David Alleyne

helpdesk_hero, Balthier

portorlan, Ororo Munroe

agoddessonce, Open
What: David Questioning His Purpose/Work
When: Early December
Where: Balthier and David's Apartment, Evanescence Grill, Downtown Excelsior, Excelsior Ice Rink
Content Warnings: N/A

I. The Fear Of Being Our Fathers | Closed to Balthier

What do you do with a vacation? Honestly, David had rarely ever figured that out before. He'd been doing what he could when he could of course. There were his skating lessons he'd been taking during the afternoons, and lots of small projects in his workroom at the apartment, and of course, something like today.

He'd spent hours on dinner tonight, and it had been a delight as ever. David had even tried making a torte and it wasn't actually turned out alright. Really it had been a wonderful meal, and now as he curled up with Balthier near the fire, a mug of hot tea in his hands.

"I swear I'm going to conquer this whole baked goods thing. I have a whole month of vacation to figure it out in. I will not be defeated by pies."

Maybe the torte worked, but his pie had burned and then fallen apart. Oops.

II. A Lunch Date With A Goddess | Closed to Ororo

The offer comes from text, a date and time are set, and at last here they are, settled into a lovely table near a window. All in all it's a lovely thing, especially since Evanescence Grill was a high end restaurant.

"How has adjusting to this world been going? Things definitely got complicated since... time changed."

Which of course was, in some ways, a reminder of M-Day back home, but he tries not to think about that part of their past when he can avoid it.

III. But You're Still A Hero | Open to Alliance Members, Downtown Excelsior

There was always work to be done for an Alliance hero, even those who are on vacation. Which was of course why Prodigy was where he was, lurking on a rooftop late one evening across the street from a high end jewelry store. Really, this sort of 'protect the capitalists who are insured for millions' really didn't appeal to him as work, but this time... Well this time was an interesting mix of factors. It wasn't just that the thieves seemed to be getting in and out without breaking anything or setting off any alarms that had him in intrigued. It was the fact that the security systems were all disabled in reasonable manners that got to him. It was also the fact that none of the stores hit were connected in any means he could determine meaning it likely wasn't an insider job.

Now if only he hadn't been given a teammate for the work. And if only the thieves were on time.

"I'm starting to think our targets won't be making it tonight," his highly altered voice said through the speakers in his helmet. "They've always been so punctual before."

IV. Once More On The Ice Open, Indoor Ice Rink

It takes time to master a skill. Countless hours of instruction, of practice, of even more practice, of displaying the practice and critique. That was something David knew rather well, especially when it came to skating. After all, he'd learned this all before. Though he absolutely mutters under his breath about goddesses who he doesn't know how to get things back from.

As for the moment he has stepped off the ice for a moment, sitting on a nearby bench to check the laces on his skate. It's been a hard day, but he hasn't fallen for the forty-five minutes of the training session except when he had tried his first spin. So it was something. It means his mood is good enough that when someone walks nearby he grins up at them.

"New or experienced skater?"

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"It's perfectly alright to struggle with something new," Balthier chuckles, squeezing the arm that's around David and turning to kiss his temple before settling comfortably against him again. "But I also know you're stubborn enough that you will stand for this blasphemy by pies."

His own tea sits on the table cooling. Decaf. He's been sleeping deeper these days, and finds the evening caffeine interrupts that. Someone told him that's normal when your mind and body start to heal from prolonged stress.

They both are.

"You know, love, this is the happiest I've seen you since we met, a few of our more magical dates not withstanding." Another kiss and a smile. "I think all the skating and making and cooking is doing you good. Maybe those should keep going after vacation, too."

It's been something he's been thinking about for awhile. He just was waiting for David to feel ready to hear it.

"If only I hadn't had to struggle with it for years," David sighed. One day he will master this damn baking thing. It's cooking plus chemistry. How can he be so bad at it?

Though the words that he's seemed happier actually seem to be news to David. He stares at Balthier in something like shock, and then sighs. Of course he has to shake his head and dismiss it.

"Once I get back to work something will have to give if you really want me sleeping at night. Cooking less of course. Probably cut the skating again. I'll go mad if I can't so something with tech every now and then. The technopathy needs satisfied."

"I think it's all the more special to you, because of the history. When you get it, the high is going to be nearly unmatchable."

He'd go on, but David's expression surprises him back. Maybe it shouldn't. David has such a long pattern of putting his own wants last, and this is a topic they haven't really worked on.

"That's all true," Balthier agrees carefully. "But what if the something that gave was work? A lot has shifted, with the guilds and other things. You don't enjoy your job as much as you used to. You could still tinker with tech here, or for friends. I don't want to see you quit skating, though I also don't see you wanting to be an ice dancer or professional hockey player. But...you could cook. You could do catering, or open a restaurant. I think you might enjoy that, and since I can cover the costs of the house on my own, you have space to figure it out."

Okay, maybe he's been thinking about this. A lot. And maybe his heart is racing a little, because he knows what he's offering is also...another step in their relationship. He doesn't mind supporting David, at all, but it's asking to put a lot of trust in him, if he's the one keeping them financially stable.

Yes, it will be quite the high. He could never make another proper pie in his life but he'd always have that one to celebrate. The success in the history of failures. But Balthier was right. A lot had shifted. And somehow the passion project of Adaptech had become a grind.

He thought maybe it was the lack of Otto to work with that figured into it. As for what Balthier was saying now... David just stared. As if he couldn't figure it out.

"Balthier, I..."

God this suddenly feels so uncomfortable.

"Wouldn't that just be like me. To fall back into my father's steps."

Oh, gods. That had -- not been in his calculation and was certainly not what he meant.

He squeezes an arm around David, holding their faces together. "You're not your father." That feels like the most important thing to say. "Even if you did something he did, you are not and will never be him."

It's what he needs to hear when he's worried about it.

"I'm not going to push, if it's not something you want to discuss but -- I don't think you'd be falling back into anything. It seems like something you're moving toward, with joy. And if it stops being that, you can change your mind again. You just seem trapped at work. I don't want you feeling trapped anywhere."

If there's a little plea in his voice, he doesn't mean to. He just...doesn't want David to lose this to his father, either.

Wasn't he though? If he becomes a chef, what his father was, isn't he just becoming the man? No matter what Balthier says, isn't it a bit the same?

"I seem trapped?"

What? He frowns as he looks at Balthier. Has he been that bad? He was getting tired with his old work, but was this truly a thing?

Balthier sighs, attempting a smile. "I'm really putting my foot in my mouth today, aren't I? Just trapped in the sense that you don't seem to be enjoying it the same way, but you also feel like you can't or shouldn't leave. It's just been nice to see you doing things that make you happy instead."

"You really aren't," David promises. He just... This is not the sort of life he ever envisioned for himself.

"I suppose I haven't been happy with it in a while, yes."

And he just needs to figure out how to find joy in what he's doing.

David...usually doesn't envision new adventures for himself. That's the trouble.

"That happens, love. Things ebb and flow. You don't owe it allegiance if it's not bringing you quality of life anymore. And if you truly want to keep tech and supporting others' the core of your life, then I support that too, but I still don't think Adaptech is moving you toward that right now."

"But don't I owe the effort of my hands and mind to the people that need it?" David asks. Because surely he's doing good for them. Should keep doing good for them.

Though the place feels like a trudge now.

"I guess I wouldn't know what to do instead. I've been so many things in my life and so few of them have stuck."

Balthier knows this is tricky territory, in part because it's so tied to worldview. He strokes David's arm, voice gentle.

"I admire deeply how much you love to help, and I support it as a desire. But no, I don't think you are obligated. I do not think you have to earn your right to exist or rest. And I think cooking, or entertaining, or many other things are still giving to the community. It's alright to give only in ways that don't leave you empty."

Ah, there. Uncertainty. That always tripped up his love, but it was also easier to deal with than fear. "It's also alright not to know, or to change your mind again. I've never understood the fuss around sticking with one thing if it's not longer fulfilling."

'Earn your right to exist'. Well isn't that a way to put it. David stares for a long minute because that phrasing is... relevant. Really relevant. Because back home that's what mutants do. Try each day to prove they have that right. And when he spent so much time not wanting to have it define him, and then without his gift, it really had becoming proving his right to exist.

"Oh," he says, his voice soft and honestly shocked. Truly his world view has been thrown on its head right there and then. It's like there's all of this... weight to face and he's only noticed it.

"I don't have to prove my value."

Ororo is used to high-end restaurants - she'd been to her fair share over the years, and more frequently when she'd been married. But she'd avoided them here in this world, because she hadn't exactly had the means to pay for much other than the bare essentials for a long while.

And that suited her just fine, actually. She was also more than used to the bare essentials, growing up the way she did, and given the X-Men's penchant for being in and out of trouble with whatever the local law was.

These days, though, she could afford a little more - and that meant she'd try to foot this bill for them both. Whenever they got around to getting that done, anyway.

But to his question, Ororo frowns momentarily, giving it some thought. "It... has been complicated, yes. But nothing too complicated. As much as it pains me to admit, things became a little simpler once I joined a guild." Her frown turns terse, as if she knows how that sounds. "Alliance, as you might have already heard?"

They were most definitely going to have disagreements over the bill. David had intended to pay because, for once in his life, he felt like he could do that for one of the people he felt were worthy to look up to. So he was excited about it.

“I hate how obligated it feels to join them. This whole ‘if you are going to use powers at all you need to be with one’ feels like constraining us again.”

There was going to be a source of stress for him in that, too much experience back home with being judged for his powers, even when he hadn’t had them anymore. “The guild did help me get started though. It was comforting, to know we’d have that financial support, and the paperwork to make sure we could be who we wanted to be, who we should be.”

Ororo doesn't know how she feels about needing official paperwork, or financial support. It was important, certainly, but one way or another she had grown up without a proper ID. And hadn't actually had one for much of her adult life - probably until the X-Men had been forced to go public. And it wasn't like she felt the need to have a lot of cash, despite having readily available resources at the mansion and, later, in Wakanda.

No, for her joining the guild was more about being able to help more people. Her powers were so visible. The last thing she wanted was to temper her abilities as she assisted as many people as she could at a time. She didn't want to hide.

"... I must admit, it is sorely tempting to keep going without their assistance. The X-Men have certainly done similar before, even when we were without Charles' finances." But of course, she didn't have the rest of the team here. So she'd felt the need to sign and - hopefully it wouldn't be a decision that she'd come to regret.

She shakes her head. "I told myself that we should not need their recognition to be ourselves. But - there is a saying, I believe? When in Rome, or something to that effect..."

Perhaps such things may not matter to her, but David knew how useful they had been for Josh, and that was always high up on his metrics. There was value in knowing his friend could practice with the knowledge he has, even if that knowledge wasn't gained through traditional means.

"Honestly, I'd be more nervous about acting like that here. We're not quite people that fully belong here, and we can go home at any time. It makes us 'less trustworthy'. And they have a whole different culture here, so I understand it. Even if I hate it."

But she's not wrong. This feels... Well, it feels like home in all of the worst ways. You learned to work with it, though. Even when you hated it.

"Rome was so very good at adapting, so yes, perhaps that is what we need to be. Adapt to them, but bring our own culture in enough to slowly change them over time."

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[Open] How To Seek A Dream

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ii. lunch date

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