( closed ) twisted steel beneath my knees

[reneger]

Who: bruce wayne batsymbol & jason todd reneger
What: a fun family trip
When: late january into early february
Where: excelsior, the shadow realm
Content Warnings: shadowbugs, joker, head trauma, discussion of child trafficking and sexual assault, comic book violence

Comments

[batsymbol]

( his back is turned to jason still and the only movement that seems to come from him is in the form of his cape flowing behind him every now and then. the breeze here in this place isn't warm or even cold as you'd feel depending on the weather and temperature. it just feels empty. like parts of them both are.

it's only after a moment that he turns some. slowly. just barely, even. enough to look to jason out of the corner of his eye, still without saying anything, and more to look to him. maybe a little through him. to the depth of those words and how they feel to jason. how he still carries them with him, even if he might never talk about it.

except that he is now. )

[reneger]

( bruce can look at jason all he wants, because jason isn't returning the favor. his head's tipped down, lips twisted into something almost painful. )

No one here knows. 'less Junior does, but I know he didn't--fuck around with Talia either, so our histories don't exactly match. I'm not gonna ask. ( he laughs, but it comes out hollow. ) He dodged a bullet there. I'm almost jealous.

( he is jealous. pissed. sad. a fucked up mess of emotions jason doesn't know how to describe. his skin crawls just thinking about it. )

No one knows. Except you.

[batsymbol]

( the steps his takes towards jason are slow and soft. not as a means to sneak up on him, but more that the moment itself feels quieter. gentler than the revving up of more heated emotions as had been happening earlier between them.

when he finally comes up to jason, he stops. stands there in front of him. continued silence, the floor is still jason's. at least until he brings a gloved hand up and gently places it on jason's shoulder. )

No one needs to know. About anything. Unless you want them to.

( that is to say, bruce won't say anything to anyone. not about this or what happened with that joker. )

[reneger]

( bruce's hand lands on his shoulder and jason flinches but doesn't move away from it. it's instinct more than anything else, he doesn't - mean to. )

I know.

( a slow breath in through his mouth, and jason lets it out through his nose. reaches a hand out to grab onto bruce's wrist. his voice is quiet, softer than usual. it lacks the hard edge it gets when he's being aggressive, the snarky lilt when jason's causing shit. )

But I told you. I trusted you with it. Not 'cause I needed to, but I, ( lips pressed together tight, while he--tries to think through the right way to word this. ) I freaked out.

[batsymbol]

( he keeps his hand there, what with jason not pushing or knocking it off. )

Do you still feel freaked out?

[reneger]

Not the same way I did.

( because it's bruce. it's different, telling someone who is but isn't jason's father figure. he's still holding onto bruce's wrist, grip loose enough he can get out of it if he wants to but firm enough to make it clear he's trying to keep hold of him. )

I haven't trusted anyone else with--that. Wasn't even something I meant to tell B.

( asserting, again, how much he trusts bruce here. )

So I don't wanna hear shit about not trusting you.

[batsymbol]

( the hand remains, a means to keep this... whatever... connection they have in this moment here while they can. tethered to one another in a way only those with a darkness as deep as theirs can really withstand. can understand, if even to an extent. )

Do you really think I'll use whatever you tell me in bad faith? Not based off whatever other versions you've dealt with. Me. Standing right here with you.

[reneger]

No.

( the answer comes quick, because there's no question to it. no doubt in his mind. and then he's - raising eyes up to meet bruce's own. )

If I did, I wouldn't've told you any of my bullshit. But Superman's shit isn't mine to tell.

[batsymbol]

( he gave it another shot, but also expected this. he still doesn't know if that's the sole reason for keeping it from him, or if they really all do worry he might use it in bad faith. bruce is forever suspicious. he just... can't not be. not when the weights are so heavy on his shoulders. he doesn't pull his hand away from jason's shoulder, even as he lets his gaze drop. quiet, for just a moment. )

I still have to know. Because I can't risk not.

( he'd never forgive himself if he could prevent or stop some psychotic version that's possibly killed some version of him somewhere from doing anything to anyone here at some point. even if it's not likely. even if he's not here right now. bruce doesn't deal with it when it happens. he prepares for it. )

You understand.

( he's not asking jason to tell him. he's just telling him that he will find out. )

[reneger]

No one'll blame you.

( well. jason won't. but he's also not going to help bruce along, which he's fairly certain he's made obvious. another moment of - standing there. looking at bruce, watching him, before jason releases his wrist and starts walking again. they don't really have ground to cover so much as space to explore. he's not planning on getting anywhere any time soon, but standing still doesn't sound great either. so. )

Sure did a great job of getting away from all of us. Next time? Try an' keep yourself from making jumps through fucky shadows.

( changing the topic, except jason immediately backslides right to where they had been. )

If some fucked version of him shows up, I'll give you all the ammo you need.

[batsymbol]

( it would be easier if they just told him. he's bruce The Batman wayne. of course he's going to find out. he always does. but he follows after jason after a moment, cape flowing slowly behind him as he does. )

I'll keep it in mind.

( about disappearing somewhere else, the jason will help him if some psychotic superman shows up... who's to say. maybe both. either way, he glances around them as he goes. )

I left here before. ( he says then. ) Back in December. I went back to my Gotham.

[reneger]

I went back in October. ( with a snarky grin thrown over his shoulder as he removes the lower part of his mask once more. ) My Gotham, not yours. Caught up with Timmy, which was a swell time.

( it was not. there were a few good things thrown in between several disasters, a significant amount of trauma, and a very, very terrible death followed by being reanimated by a black lantern ring. but you know, it could be worse. it could always be worse. )

What'd you get up to?

[batsymbol]

Alfred's going to be ok.

( he's fairly sure he told jason about what had happened with him and the riddler. aside from diana and dick, he's probably the only other one to know about that. )

Riddler was caught. Taken in. Seems he thought he and I were on the same side.

[reneger]

Told you he's hardy, didn't I?

( except he's dead by jason's timeline. but he doesn't know what bruce knows either, and he doesn't really - want to get into the mess with bane and everything else. he could lie, because he's great at lying when he wants to be. instead he just presses his lips together and keeps walking.

they've had enough serious talks today. )

[batsymbol]

( following along, he looks down. briefly. )

Dick told me yours passed away. When I was... younger here.

( when he'd become a thirty year old stuck in a ten year old's body. that was... a time. )

I'm sorry. I...

( he lets the sentence die out. because he can't imagine having to keep going without alfred, even if he knows it's an inevitability. he just... doesn't want to think about it. )

[reneger]

Bruce.

( his pace speeds up some, enough his steps are audible whereas jason is usually--quiet. )

I don't want to talk about it.

( he's all tapped out on uncomfortable discussions. )

[batsymbol]

( the change in jason's behavior doesn't go unnoticed but he doesn't press it, simply follows along. follows, he's not chasing him. )

Do you know Selina Kyle?

[reneger]

'course.

( his pace - slows down. they're not talking about alfred, there's nothing he needs to run from. )

She's here. Or, not in this shithole, but in Central.

[batsymbol]

( that gets bruce's steps to slow some and both the confusion and surprise can be seen on his face even in the darkness. )

Yours?

( from jason's gotham. )

[reneger]

Closer to mine than yours.

( they chatted. somewhat. jason guesses there's no harm in sharing. )

She said last time she'd saw me, she an' B were pulling me out of a burning building. Something about Batdad being Batmad. Same old bullshit.

[batsymbol]

( bruce's steps eventually slow to a point where he stops and stares down in the darkness. his thoughts are whipping around and he's getting lost in them. not the selina he knows but jason's. he doesn't know how to feel... if he should give how things ended with them. if it's even considered an ending. )

How long has she been here?

[reneger]

Since November.

( he's slightly surprised she hasn't reached out to him yet, but. given what he heard of what was going down, it's not all that odd. selina does things on her own timeline.

bruce stops, so jason does too. looks over to him with a quirked eyebrow. )

Let me guess: it's complicated?

[batsymbol]

( november...

jason goes asks him that and he doesn't know how to answer initially. doesn't know how he should feel about the word complicated used. it's not wrong but... is that what it is? is that how things were left? disappointing sounds more apt. for a few reasons. )

I don't know. ( a single heartbeat. ) It doesn't matter.

( and he'll just continue to walk then. looking ahead as he does. )

[reneger]

Back when I was Robin, B and her would send me away so they could mack on rooftops in peace. There were many, ( in a deeper tone, closer to bruce's. ) not in front of the boy, Selina comments dropped.

There was supposed to be a wedding, a bit ago. Didn't happen. Not 'cause she and B aren't stupidly in love, 'cause everyone can see it. But, ( a wave of his hand, that's meant to encompass, it's complicated. ) you know.

[batsymbol]

( he’s not sure there’s enough of A Look he could give that could convey the very much stop talking, jason that he feels right now but he sure does he best in the darkness. )

I don’t want to talk about this.