metalogs | [Closed] I Always Lose

Entry tags:

[Closed] I Always Lose

Who: Donnie

faceguy
What: Moving forward means work until you drop, right
When: Early February
Where: The Lair, Central City
Content Warnings: N/A

The crackle of electricity and the occasional clink and clang of metal, these are as natural a sound as any around Donnie's workshop, just like the steady bump of techno music that underlies it, even if it's notably turned down.

It's so easy to lose track of time when you throw yourself headlong into work. Donnie's project list is always lengthy if not seemingly endless, so it's not like he's had any problems trying to find something to keep himself busy. Focus is his true nemesis, constantly slipping and stretching out procedures that should have taken him a fraction of the time. Stubborn as he is, he keeps at it, even if he has to redo things and go over his work more than a few times to make sure he's finally done it right before he moves on. It's fine, it's cool.

Check another thing off the list.

Next.

On the outside, it might look bad, suddenly becoming more and more scarce from the apartment. Huvrye was back. It had been an incredible relief, although Donnie hadn't been sure if he'd been happier for Leo that someone his brother had gotten so close to in this foreign Earth hadn't really vanished at all. There was something else too, an ugly feeling he hadn't particularly felt in so long a time that he couldn't readily identify it, only that it made him feel sick and guilty for experiencing it at all.

So clearly the best course of action was to not think about it. That was easy enough. Focus on the positive, there's been more than enough to busy himself with, what between trying to map out anomalies of potential star shard (way better-sounding than 'god bits') impacts and coming up with as cohesive a list as he could for Chaos Gate so he could throw himself into yet another project. The end of January progressed fairly normally, or as normal as one could figure for a place like this.

Then February swung in with a sucker punch and he's felt like the only way he won't outright fall on his face is to keep on moving. It's an exhausting way to do things but it's always been his.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Leo's used to his brother holing up in his lab for days at a time, engrossed in one project or another. Leo doesn't usually make it his job to do anything about it - Donnie will come out when he's hungry, or else Mikey will Dr. Delicate Touch his way into the lab to do something about it.

Except Mikey isn't here, and "wait for Donnie to get hungry" hasn't worked as well as it normally might. Donnie hasn't been at the apartment for any length of time in days, and he won't answer Leo's texts either. It's only the steady blip of his tracker showing he's in the lair that keeps Leo from panicking.

But even though he knows where Donnie is, he's still starting to feel pretty worried. Sure, when Donnie gets caught up in a project he can forget about things like "socializing" and "confirming he isn't dead to the rest of the family," but Donnie not even coming up to eat when Leo texts that there's pizza is a sign that this isn't any normal work binge.

And Leo can't just ignore that. So, carrying the half-empty pizza box with him, he descends into the sewers, following a familiar route to their makeshift lair.

And there he is, hunched over something or other, hard at work, techno music on at a way lower volume than Leo would have expected. He clears his throat as he walks in to get Donnie's attention.

"Hey, man, is your phone dead or what?"

That Leo's come to check on him was inevitable. Still, Donnie can't help but feel just a touch annoyed once he hears his brother's voice. He doesn't bother looking up from his wirework.

"Might be," he mutters dismissively. It's sitting on the other end of the worktable where he'd left it...however long ago, but he'd turned the ringer off and the buzzing tended to blend in with the other noise he made. The crackling pauses as he inspects his work a moment, nudging his goggles up briefly before he lowers them again and starts on another bit.

"...need something?" he asks mostly in afterthought, even though his thoughts are majorly elsewhere.

Well that was a brush off if he's ever heard one. And again, it's not like Leo isn't used to getting brushed off when Donnie is in the thick of things, but something about this still feels wrong to him.

He comes closer, and unceremoniously drops the pizza box onto the work table, covering up some of Donnie's parts and other objects strewn around as he does.

"I brought you lunch." He grins, folding his arms. "I know, I know, I'm the best brother ever... but you're still free to praise me."

Donnie's brow twitches at the sound of smaller parts being moved in the process, and he lifts his head to shoot a glare in Leo's direction. It's cut short by a hiss as he doesn't quite watch his weld-work, and he lets the tool shut off as he pulls his other hand out from the panel he'd been half-buried in, shaking it before sticking a finger in his mouth. It's not the first slip-up he's had recently, a few bandages decorating his digits and the side of his palm from previous careless instances.

"Whatever," he says as he looks down at his latest injury in annoyance, squeezing his fingers into a fist to hide the brief tremble as he tries to look at where he'd left off, hoping he hasn't screwed something else up.

Okay, this is officially not good. Leo winces in sympathy at the new injury and the others clearly visible on his hands. Donnie's pushed himself to the point of multiple hand injuries, to the point that he's annoyed by pizza, which means that things are actually pretty bad. Leo feels guilty he didn't come check on him earlier.

"Dee, come on. Don't you think it's time for a break?"

So saying, he reaches out and scoots the machinery away from his hands, just a bit.

It would be so easy to snap back. From the set of his teeth and the tension of his shoulders, Donnie certainly looks like he's about to. "Don't-" he starts sharply as Leo touches his things, cutting himself off with the heave of a sigh as he drags a hand over his face.

It's not his brother's fault, why's he getting upset at him? All at once it's like all the exhaustion he's been trying to keep one step ahead of manages to catch up with him. His shoulders sag, but Donnie still squints at the equipment he'd been working on. No, there's no point in ruining it just to stubbornly try proving he can.

"...fine," he says quietly in some kind of defeat.

Leo pulls his hands back at that, watching warily in case Donnie is about to hit him, or worse, bite him. It's not a completely irrational fear, given how angry Donnie looks.

But then Donnie seems to calm himself down, without Leo saying anything. So it's not Leo Donnie is mad at, or at least he's not the core of it. That's good, because Leo couldn't remember what he should be apologizing for otherwise.

With Donnie acquiescing, Leo smiles like Donnie didn't just yell at him and picks up the pizza again, motioning for Donnie to follow him.

"Come on, there's nowhere for me to sit over here."

They really need more furniture in the lair, because their makeshift beds are really the only other places to sit besides Donnie's work table. Bring some beanbags down in here or something. Leo can figure that out later, though.

For now he will carry the pizza box over and flip on the electronic picture frame. The photos of the shopping trip they took when Donnie first came here start to scroll by.

Edited 2024-02-04 18:59 (UTC)

After having been stuck in one position for so long, unfolding from it is a process. It's sorely tempting to just stay where he is, but Donnie knows he probably really needs to eat. Among other things, but one at a time. He looks after Leo reluctantly when his brother heads to the main room, groaning as he stretches out his back and crawls to his feet.

They probably do need more things in the place. The main room's been majorly neglected once things had been deemed safe back up top, and Donnie's only really put more work into his lab and workspace since, his sleeping area remaining largely the same as when they'd moved in, not that he seems to use it very much. He'd thrown the covers over it in some effort to make it look neat, but most of his sleep's been in impromptu naps at his worktable. Probably hardly a surprise to either of them.

He burrows his hands deep into his hoodie pockets as he slinks into the room after Leo, quietly settling there on the other side of the pizza box, his eyes flicking towards the picture frame before he pointedly turns his attention back towards food, slipping a hand between the box lid to feel around for a slice. He should probably be hungry but he doesn't really feel like he has an appetite.

Leo's already eaten, so he lets Donnie have at it - though Donnie is hardly in a rush. He looks exhausted now that he's been forced out of his position at his table, and Leo tries not to stare at him as he slowly works his way toward eating food.

Asking him questions probably won't help, but it doesn't seem like he's going to eat very fast anyway and patience has never really been Leo's strong suit. So he only gives Donnie a minute or two to try to eat before he broaches the obvious subject.

"Do you... wanna talk about it?"

Because something is obviously up.

This too is inevitable. Donnie would rather not talk about anything, what would be the point? It won't change things. It's like acknowledging it to someone will solidify the truth of it. That's foolish, he knows, but...

Why's it so hard?

He nibble halfheartedly at his pizza. It shouldn't bother him. It's always been a possibility and it's not like people he's met haven't vanished before. Those disappearances were more like brief acquaintances though. He'd never really had much time to get to know them, random meetings on a street, texts over the phone. But these... these were different.

"...Hardison's gone."

The words slip out finally, and he can't find it in him to continue to eat, resting the pizza slice on top of the box. After Donnie's mood dip last month when he'd found the psychiatry office with a sign reading "For Lease", the last thing he'd expected was to lose another friend.

It's not like he'd ever talked about the guy extensively. On occasion he'd come up, the name best associated with the man who had helped him "acquire" their car (whatever that meant), someone Donnie liked to relentlessly tease about age over texts now and then, even if the guy wasn't quite a decade older than him. A weird older brother figure who dabbled in less than lawful things, a tech whiz in his own right, even if he constantly complained that the modern technology here was a lot more complicated than what he'd been familiar with.

Hardison…

Leo has to search his memory for a moment - he never met the guy, but he remembers Donnie talking about him. The guy who helped him get the car (however that happened), the guy who he would talk to or hang out with sometimes. He hadn’t realized he and Donnie were that close, though.

But clearly they were, if Donnie is this broken up about it. It doesn’t matter if Leo doesn’t really know him, and doesn’t feel any personal grief; Donnie is sad, and that’s all Leo needs.

“Oh… man. I’m really sorry, Dee.” He pushes the pizza box back, so it’s not between them anymore, brow creased while he keeps his eyes on his brother. “That sucks.”

Donnie hadn't really figured he was close either, but it's like the saying goes, you don't know what you've got until it's gone. The hard part is knowing that the chances of seeing any of these people again is slim considering the abnormal circumstances. It only underlines how potentially fragile their own existences are, here in this place. If losing people he'd only known here feels this awful, how bad would it be if Leo were gone?

He pulls his knees up, tucking tightly against them as he folds his arms on top. Not that he'd been particularly focused on his work but now with nothing to even pretend to be busy with, he can't keep his thoughts from spiraling.

"Yeah..." he says, voice muffled against his sleeves.

Leo scoots a little closer on the bed, not quite entering Donnie's space but getting close. He wishes he knew what to do or say to Donnie to cheer him up from this one. Leo's been pretty fortunate so far that no one he was really close to has gone home, save those few months he thought he'd lost Huvrye. Friends like Danny and Doreen have gone, and acquaintances like Six, but no one who really felt like a huge gutpunch the way Donnie seems to be experiencing.

"...You want a hug?" he asks finally. "Or... wanna scream into a pillow, or something?"

"I'd smash something but that'd take effort," Donnie mumbles. He might still hold to that once he gets some rest, but at the moment he doesn't feel like doing much of anything. "...guess I'll take a hug."

It's a rare exception, but right now he's acutely aware of possibly regretting missing out on things now and pushing Leo away won't make him feel any better.

"...I know you joked about it when I said I met a guy who was a psychiatrist, but he was pretty cool, you know? He paid me to take his dog for walks sometimes. They disappeared last month. Thought it was weird when I hadn't heard from him after I dropped stuff off for Christmas at his office. And then it was like... oh."

He grins at that, though it's smaller than normal. "Hey, you can always smash something after you rest up."

But with the offer of the hug accepted, Leo opens up his arms and lets Donnie come in. He'll also let Donnie decide when to break it, so it will last as long or as short as he wants.

Especially because it turns out Donnie was hit with a one-two punch. Leo feels a little bad about joking about it now, knowing that Donnie is actually broken-hearted about the guy disappearing.

"Sounds like he was cool." Actually, he probably wasn't really cool by Leo standards... but darn it, he's trying to be comforting here! "Sucks that this happens. That people just... disappear."

It makes him a little afraid, to think of that happening to either of them, or to Accelerator, or Huvrye (again!), or anyone else he's come to be friends with. So maybe he hugs Donnie a little tighter when he thinks about it for too long.

There are different levels of cool. Archie hadn't been freaked out about a turtle teen but he apparently came from plenty of weirdness himself. If Donnie had to compare, Pongo was cooler, easily the smartest dog he'd ever met.

Donnie glances at Leo as his brother holds his arms out, sucking in a breath before he scoots closer and leans into a hug, pulling his own arms around Leo. This feels better. For now he can shrink his world to this tiny little space they occupy and for a while believe things are okay.

"I thought it was just with the Confluences, but things have been really weird lately. I don't know how to gauge anything." Not knowing is the worst, and not having anything to go by is maddening. His thoughts aren't too far in paralleling Leo's own then, and while he doesn't pull away immediately, he does tighten his own arms slightly in turn. Losing Accelerator would be tough. Donnie's known him the longest in this place, and abrasive as the esper is, it's clear that he's come to care for the turtles in turn though he'd probably implode if he ever had to admit it. And Donnie'd already thought they'd lost Huvyre once, but Leo had still been closer to the man.

But losing Leo, or Donnie himself vanishing on his brother is still a real possibility too, has always been, and that scares him even more now.

Edited 2024-02-05 06:13 (UTC)

It's okay. They're both still here. They're together, and they're going to figure it out together. At least, Leo can hold out hope that they will.

"Yeah, it's weird. People come here with the Confluences, but they just seem to leave... anytime." He winces, because it's a bad thought, but they're being honest with each other right now, so he won't shy away from the truth.

"You know I don't have any guesses for why." Not any good ones, anyway. This isn't Leo's area. Though... "Maybe it's like... our own timelines trying to right themselves. Like what happened to Accy. Or, I dunno, maybe those gods are doing this somehow."

Sending people back when they've outlived their usefulness, or something.

"...makes as much sense as anything else around here..."

But it's a plausible thought. With so many representations of different worlds and timelines being pulled here like stray threads, it makes sense that they'd try to pull back. Too many changes could potentially fracture a steady flow of time and events. Threads...or rubber bands that might eventually snap back. Donnie doesn't want to entertain such a thought right now.

"Blaming it on gods would be convenient. There's already more weirdness going on because of something that came from beyond Earth here..."

Donnie hates how easily it is want to write things off with that reason, but it's not really a possibility to be ignored either, not when they've battled said gods. He sighs, his arms loosening a little but he doesn't move to try pushing away, mostly because he's feeling a bit clingy even though he won't admit it, and partially because he's just so tired.

Leo shifts around a bit, so Donnie can just lean against him. It's a little weird, because they don't usually... cuddle. This is more a move he'd use on Mikey. But Donnie isn't pulling away, which means he needs this, even if he's not going to say it. Which Leo is fine with. Let them both keep their cool guy personas intact.

"Oh yeah, those star things?" Leo knows Donnie's been looking into it, though he doesn't know as much about it himself. The whole thing sounds like bad vibes, regardless. "And apparently there are alien abductions and stuff that have happened, too... This whole universe is going crazy."

And here they are, stuck here.

Shh, it's not cuddling, it's aggressive leaning. Or something. With Leo moving to accommodate him better, Donnie just lets his arms drop away, not completely breaking contact because doing so would mean having to use his own spine.

"Yeah, those things," he says. "...'Rator and I went to check them out after Mechanima assigned it as a mission for me." It had been a lot cooler at the time, at least until they found out what the falling fragments actually were. "They gave off similar readings to what I've scanned before from...previous divine encounters."

He snorts lightly. "I think this universe has been crazy, it's just getting worse. Guess Earth isn't the only happening place anymore."

Aggressive leaning, absolutely.

“So they’re pieces of a god falling to earth.” Leo considers this, fingers drumming lightly on Donnie’s battleshell. “No wonder things are going so wonky.”

Maybe that explains Hardison and the psychiatrist. Or maybe not. Who’s to say?

“Heh, yeah, guess not.”

Which he’s totally chill and fine with! It’s not like every alien race will be made up of homicidal maniacs that want to destroy Earth!

Not that they probably can't help but be a little wary of alien involvement now, given their experience.

"At the very least, god-related. Either way, it's not good." Donnie frowns. He's not sure how this whole matter fits in with anything. Was it some delayed result of their fight? Something entirely different?

"There's something else," he says, hesitant. "They...react to me. The fragments. They started glowing once I got near. And...I could feel a pull. Acccelerator could too, but I guess it's not as strong?" He grimaces. "I'm not sure what to make of that."

That’s… concerning. Leo knows he’s trying not to go full worrisaurus rex on Donnie, but he’s allowed to be concerned about this, right?

“You’ve been messing around with this god stuff a lot more than me and Accy, so… maybe it just has something to do with that. I dunno.”

He doesn’t know anything about this sort of thing. Totally out of his element here.

“Are you gonna keep looking into it?”

"Maybe. Probably." Donnie can't help but make a slight face. "Not 'messing around'." Experimenting. "Considering past experiences, it's not too hard to figure out the possible 'why' but this new development..." He frowns again.

"Yeah I'm going to, because I seem to have some kind of advantage in dealing with the things. I'm trying to see if there's a way to nullify the effects so we don't have to keep throwing ourselves into fights to neutralize them."

He finally pulls himself away from Leo, rubbing at his eyes. Trying to figure out anything on a low tank and no sleep hasn't been doing him any favors. He'd forgotten about the recent burn until now, looking at his shaky fingers.

"Be careful if you ever get near them. They seem to draw Starfallen, maybe other Metas too. I'm not sure what happens if someone touches one."

Leo lets him go, but doesn’t move from his comfy position.

“I won’t touch ‘em,” he promises. “I’ll leave figuring those out to you.”

If anyone can, it’s Donnie. Leo has full confidence in it.

Seeing Donnie look at his hand, Leo digs around in his pouch until he finds some burn ointment and a bandaid - both are tossed in Donnie’s lap.

“I know I’m the last one who can say anything but I think you should get some sleep first.”

Something he's meant to read up on. There must be more encounters and reports on them by now, given the things are everywhere. Not that that's going to happen right now, not when Donnie finds himself staring blankly at the ointment and the bandaid for a moment.

"...nggh, yeah. I. Probably should do that," he admits, grimacing as he picks up the ointment, trying to apply it without getting it all over the place.

Leo debates offering help, but he’s not here to baby Donnie. Maybe if he starts making a real mess of it…

“I can portal us out of here,” he offers. “Save you some walking.”

He's got this..! A bit of fumbling with the bandaid but it's on eventually, and Donnie's trying to cover a yawn with his sleeve as he inspects his less than stellar work. Sleeping in a real bed is looking pretty good right now.

"Mmf, yeah. Not arguing that. Let me just make sure I've got everything turned off here..."

He passes back the ointment before pushing himself to his feet, making his tottering way back to the workbench. At least he'd remembered to turn off his soldering iron earlier, so all he has to do is flip a switch to the power there. His eyes drift towards the wall on the far side of the lab for a moment, and then he turns, running a hand over his face as he wanders back over where Leo is.

Woof, look at that sleepy Donnie. He better get them back home ASAP. While he waits for Donnie to check on his stuff, he grabs the pizza box - no sense in wasting it.

Once Donnie rejoins him, Leo opens up a portal to the surface, at the furthest manhole he can reach right now. Once they're both through, he opens another one to their apartment.

"If you don't want the pizza right now, I'll put it in the fridge, alright?"

Leo's portals are really very convenient. Not that he's going to ever admit that. One step and they're no longer in the lair, and the next, and they're back at home away from home. ...weird thought, that.

"Yeah, mm, I'll get to it eventually," Donnie says as he starts trudging towards his room, dragging his feet.

Not a surprise. He's going to put it away, but stops, looking after Donnie.

"Hey, Dee?" He gives it a second, to make sure his brother is paying attention, before he says the rest. "Just... take breaks sometimes, okay? For me?"

A pause.

"Or if not for me, at least go bother Accy or something."

Donnie does pause at that, stopping at his doorway.

Leo shouldn't have to ask that of him, and it makes him feel guilty to hear it. He glances over his shoulder, looking regretful that he'd been neglecting the person he'd been closest to all this time, the one who's still here.

"Y-yeah. Okay." Donnie hopes Leo knows he means it, even as he turns to duck into his room before he does something embarrassing like start crying. Hopefully a nap will fix all that.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Closed] I Always Lose

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject