[Loki's voice winds through Peter's mind like a tether, keeping him grounded in what they're doing and why they're doing it. It makes the steady shift toward thinking of memories and starting to re-experience them feel like wading out toward them rather than falling in. He knows what he's doing and why he's doing it.
Things are a little less linear in his mind compared to the happy memories though which grew up with him.
This time, it's the death of Gwen's father. The hurt through all of that. Trying to push her away. Trying to refuse her. Trying to stay away. And then it's edging toward--
Nope, not there yet. Instead it's Harry suddenly leaving as they graduate Middle school. His best friend just up and gone and there's nothing he can do about it.
It's his parents leaving when he was a child, knowing they walked out the door of May and Ben's place and never seeing them again.
Which bounces him to the argument he had with Ben in the hallway, hurling angry, hurt words at the man who ultimately raised him and he loved so deeply. Words he hadn't meant and couldn't take back.
And it's blood pouring from Ben's chest beneath Peter's fingers, a flow he can't stop and there are tears rolling down his face and salt in his mouth and his ears are ringing. May's face flashes up briefly--the sleepless nights and grief etched into her lovely, soft face. And it's his fault. It's all his fault.
Then it's silent. Dead silent. Everything falling in slow motion and at the speed of light at the same time. And he's reaching, desperate and determined, nothing else matters except reaching Gwen as she falls beneath him, arms flailing, eyes wide, with nothing to grab.
The sound of bones cracking in that moment sound as loud as thunder and soft as barely a whisper.
And it replays. Over and over and over. Just like Loki has asked.
Outwardly, it makes Peter's body tremble, like he's holding himself together from folding inward. And he does manage it, though probably just barely. Nothing stops the tears though--they just fall right down the curve of his face, managing to squeeze through firmly closed eyelids.]
cw: just... all the sad spidey things. Lots of death of loved ones and all that jazz
Things are a little less linear in his mind compared to the happy memories though which grew up with him.
This time, it's the death of Gwen's father. The hurt through all of that. Trying to push her away. Trying to refuse her. Trying to stay away. And then it's edging toward--
Nope, not there yet. Instead it's Harry suddenly leaving as they graduate Middle school. His best friend just up and gone and there's nothing he can do about it.
It's his parents leaving when he was a child, knowing they walked out the door of May and Ben's place and never seeing them again.
Which bounces him to the argument he had with Ben in the hallway, hurling angry, hurt words at the man who ultimately raised him and he loved so deeply. Words he hadn't meant and couldn't take back.
And it's blood pouring from Ben's chest beneath Peter's fingers, a flow he can't stop and there are tears rolling down his face and salt in his mouth and his ears are ringing. May's face flashes up briefly--the sleepless nights and grief etched into her lovely, soft face. And it's his fault. It's all his fault.
Then it's silent. Dead silent. Everything falling in slow motion and at the speed of light at the same time. And he's reaching, desperate and determined, nothing else matters except reaching Gwen as she falls beneath him, arms flailing, eyes wide, with nothing to grab.
The sound of bones cracking in that moment sound as loud as thunder and soft as barely a whisper.
And it replays. Over and over and over. Just like Loki has asked.
Outwardly, it makes Peter's body tremble, like he's holding himself together from folding inward. And he does manage it, though probably just barely. Nothing stops the tears though--they just fall right down the curve of his face, managing to squeeze through firmly closed eyelids.]