[Feelings are always complicated, getting swept up and crashing into others, coming into contact with off moods or bad days, getting deflected toward the wrong things and twisted away from what they're really about.
Peter has grappled with those sensations for a long time, fluctuated between agonising numbness and hurt that he hasn't known what to do with.
If there had been any other context for what he revisited today, Peter wouldn't be anywhere close to one piece. It would have been too much to bear, something that had been a thousand tiny cuts splitting open and an undoing of self that would be at his limit.
It could be argued that every step has been a journey for Peter, right from childhood to now, but to him the direction he's been headed has veered off drastically in very recent times and in very specific places. It's what makes what has happened cathartic rather than devastating.
And that change of direction has everything to do with someone taking his hand and leading him down a highly unexpected road, the same person he's still lingering with in the middle of the apartment, with tricksy, excellent hands and the most stunning smile that Peter knows full well he'd move mountains for just to see a glimpse of.
It's so easy to just draw his arms around Loki too, envelop him and take in that kiss only to return it with in equal measure and just sigh deeply before it gets wrapped into an almost pained whimper purely from the suggestion Loki plants in his mind with such carefully deployed words. Silver-tongued indeed.]
I think that'd look good on you. [He starts to straighten himself up, slowly pushing upright and inward toward Loki followed by a few purposeful forward steps to walk him backward.] All slick and wet and looking up at me. Sure hope you're not expecting that dessert any time soon, 'cause--[He makes a face of faux regret, a small shake of his head as he sucks air through his teeth.] Yeaaaah, I don't think I want to see us toweling off for a while...
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Peter has grappled with those sensations for a long time, fluctuated between agonising numbness and hurt that he hasn't known what to do with.
If there had been any other context for what he revisited today, Peter wouldn't be anywhere close to one piece. It would have been too much to bear, something that had been a thousand tiny cuts splitting open and an undoing of self that would be at his limit.
It could be argued that every step has been a journey for Peter, right from childhood to now, but to him the direction he's been headed has veered off drastically in very recent times and in very specific places. It's what makes what has happened cathartic rather than devastating.
And that change of direction has everything to do with someone taking his hand and leading him down a highly unexpected road, the same person he's still lingering with in the middle of the apartment, with tricksy, excellent hands and the most stunning smile that Peter knows full well he'd move mountains for just to see a glimpse of.
It's so easy to just draw his arms around Loki too, envelop him and take in that kiss only to return it with in equal measure and just sigh deeply before it gets wrapped into an almost pained whimper purely from the suggestion Loki plants in his mind with such carefully deployed words. Silver-tongued indeed.]
I think that'd look good on you. [He starts to straighten himself up, slowly pushing upright and inward toward Loki followed by a few purposeful forward steps to walk him backward.] All slick and wet and looking up at me. Sure hope you're not expecting that dessert any time soon, 'cause--[He makes a face of faux regret, a small shake of his head as he sucks air through his teeth.] Yeaaaah, I don't think I want to see us toweling off for a while...