OPEN + CLOSED | Causing Problems in May

[frenchkissed]

Who: Eddie and Venom frenchkkissed + You !
What: Meeting, greeting, eating... the usual.
When: All throughout May
Where: Central City + Little Love
Content Warnings: Monster body horror

👅 I. I have a heart ( I swear, I do )

There's no discernible rhyme or reason for it. No clear-cut explanation. It's just that anyone who looks even remotely uncanny, or maybe not even that much, might get a man jogging up to them, black, inky tentacles whipping wildly from his back, with a half-finished smoothie in his hand and the other half coating the front of his hoodie.

"Hey! Hey, you got a minute?"

You know, maybe you're better off not engaging with this one.

👅 II. But just not, baby, when it comes to you

Screams of terror are heard in the dead of night as some guy is being dangled upside-down above the eager, wide-stretched mouth of a tar monster. Venom's tongue drags along the face of the poor man scrambling to break free, leaving him wet and dripping with drool — which only has him screaming more frantically.

So... heroing is going about as expected.

"JAYWALKING?! THE CROSSWALK IS RIGHT THERE.
THIS IS THE LAZIEST OF CRIMES.
YOU... ARE LAZY. A LAZY, LAZY BAD MAN."

"I'm lazy! I'm sorry, I'm lazy! So, so, so, so lazy! Let me go and I'll never jaywalk again!"

"HMNNN....
BUT YOU ARE A BAD GUY.
BAD GUYS CAN BE EATEN!"

Venom's jaw opens wider, and beneath the sounds of mounting horror, Eddie can be heard from within.

"We said we'd let you out more if — IF — you wouldn't go sicko mode on randoms, man. This right here? Totally fucking sicko mode."

"BUT EDDIE, HE IS EVIL."

Before the ensuing debate on morality and good and evil in the eyes of the law can begin, it seems as if the jaywalker is slipping from Venom's grasp, steadily falling out of the shoe Venom is holding him up by. Any attempts at making this known via, you know, screaming is lost in the conversation. Words like deontology and unitarianism and evil are being thrown around between Eddie and Venom, and it seems like the victim/bad guy is being sidelined.

A better hero might need to intervene, here.

Comments

[frenchkissed]

When instructed to sit, he sits. He's in no position to argue, and sitting on a real, honest-to-god couch feels much better than laying on the ground out front.

"Either? Both? ...Both. Both sound good." He's already beginning to feel better, but water and something in his stomach will probably do him good. "And Venom's a symbiote. Symbiotes aren't good with loud noises, high frequencies, or fire— ...What? What do you mean don't tell her? You think she's going to light us on fire? ...If we're going to be living with her, we at least have to trust her... Oh, I'm being the paranoid one here?"

Venom comes bursting out like a bolt of lightning, hovering over Eddie's shoulder as a blob.

"SHE MUST PASS OUR TESTS, EDDIE." Glad to see Venom is feeling better. "DIANA. COME. SIT. ALLOW US TO EXPLORE THE DEPTHS OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS... WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SPICE GIRL?"

[monomachy]

As soon as he answers, she gathers everything together; a glass of cool water, a basket filled with bread and fresh fruit. She isn't much of a cook, but she'd bought the bread from a neighbor so it's fresh-made. She sets it all on the table before him just as he starts... talking to himself, which she belatedly realizes is him talking to Venom. Politely, she offers, "I will not light you on fire." She has no plans to, at least.

Only her quick reflexes and the foreknowledge that he was there all along keeps her from giving in to thousands of years of training and punching the symbiote right in his toothy mouth as he erupts from Eddie's shoulder. Still, her muscles flex, ready for a fight that never comes. She relaxes as she settles on the couch beside him, pulling her feet up under her, looking for all appearances like a normal woman and not an immortal goddess trained by the greatest warriors in the world. A sundress will do that for a girl.

She ponders his question, and eventually gives up, looking almost embarrassed as she asks: "What is a spice girl?" If this is a failure, she'll be miserable.

[frenchkissed]

You know, Eddie wouldn't be surprised if she did deck Venom right then and there. Not happy, but not surprised. Sure, he's largely harmless, but something about the teeth and tongue and lack of nose doesn't do him any favors. And jumping out at people without warning is generally frowned upon. Diana is a better person than him, is what he means by this.

While he helps himself to the water, Venom looks to curl in on himself, recoiling.

"...EDDIE, A WORD?"

"Yeah, man. I'm right here."

What follows is the worst attempt at whispering in the world, not only because she's five inches away, but because Venom has yet to master the art of the inside voice.

"SHE IS INADEQUATE.
HOW WILL WE ENJOY KAROKE NIGHTS IN HER PRESENCE?
SHE CANNOT SING THE HARMONIES!
...
WE MUST LEAVE AT ONCE."

"Hey. Hey... Didn't you have, like, ninety other questions prepared? Just try another one."

Trying to explain to a Venom how Spice Girls selection is not a good question to determine roommate compatibility isn't going to do much for anyone, Eddie knows. He could try to explain things like rent, and shared responsibilities, but that isn't nearly as important as karaoke night according to V, so it's better to just play along.

"Hmmm." Begrudgingly, Venom turns to her. "WHAT IS THE BEST FRUIT?"

Behind him, Eddie draws some round shape in the air as if to give her a clue. But seeing as how, like, 99% of fruits are round, she might have been better off without his helpful hints.

[monomachy]

Even if she was inclined to, Diana couldn't keep from overhearing their "private" conversation. She doesn't know if Venom truly thinks she can't hear them, of if he doesn't really care. But though a frown crosses her face, brows drawn together and lips pressing together a bit, she doesn't immediately kick them out. She's still learning about mankind's culture, and hasn't even begun to learn about the symbiote's. She's trying very hard to reserve judgement.

Also, she's never taken failing (or being inadequate) at anything lightly. She isn't about to start now.

By the time they look back to her, Diana's face is set with determination. The question is innocuous enough, but she's cautious. And while she has learned many times about the pitfalls of cheating, she doesn't think it counts when Venom's host is giving her a hint. Her eyes flick towards the shape he's tracing, and her brows pinch together again. But she looks back to Venom, confident, and answers:

"Pomegranates."

[frenchkissed]

There's a pause following her answer, which could have only been done for dramatic effect.

"Pomegranates?

...

we love pomegranates! they are the most complicated of fruits. like a puzzle. a squishy, juicy puzzle. with seeds. which can then be planted to create more fruits! plant reproduction is very strange..."

Behind him, Eddie gives Diana an okay hand signal followed by a thumbs up. Now that she's gotten the Venom stamp of approval:

"You got any ground rules for us staying here? Which, by the way, we have to thank you for. Seriously... it's really cool of you."

"OUR RULE IS THAT WE MUST EAT MEALS TOGETHER. OFTEN. LIKE FRIENDS.

AND WE MUST WATCH THE LATEST SEASON OF THE BACHELOR TOGETHER AS WELL. HOW ELSE WILL YOU KNOW WHO IS TRULY IN LOVE WITH BRENT?"

[monomachy]

In spite of herself, her shoulders sag a little relief when he accepts her answer with enthusiasm. And he isn't wrong about how complicated pomegranates can be for a novice to navigate eating, which brings a smile to her face.

"Ground rules?" Honestly, she hadn't really thought about it. There were unspoken rules when living in the barracks on Themyscira, but they were exactly that: unspoken. She quickly thinks back to the most basic ones, and offers: "We must all do our own dishes and clean our own messes, and I would ask that you help me maintain the horses." Those seem simple enough to her.

Venom's rules seem pretty innocuous, so even though she has no idea what the Bachelor is, she nods in agreement. "Agreed." She isn't much of a cook, but she's managed to get by so far, and believes she can continue to do so with roommates.