OPEN + CLOSED | Causing Problems in May

[frenchkissed]

Who: Eddie and Venom frenchkkissed + You !
What: Meeting, greeting, eating... the usual.
When: All throughout May
Where: Central City + Little Love
Content Warnings: Monster body horror

👅 I. I have a heart ( I swear, I do )

There's no discernible rhyme or reason for it. No clear-cut explanation. It's just that anyone who looks even remotely uncanny, or maybe not even that much, might get a man jogging up to them, black, inky tentacles whipping wildly from his back, with a half-finished smoothie in his hand and the other half coating the front of his hoodie.

"Hey! Hey, you got a minute?"

You know, maybe you're better off not engaging with this one.

👅 II. But just not, baby, when it comes to you

Screams of terror are heard in the dead of night as some guy is being dangled upside-down above the eager, wide-stretched mouth of a tar monster. Venom's tongue drags along the face of the poor man scrambling to break free, leaving him wet and dripping with drool — which only has him screaming more frantically.

So... heroing is going about as expected.

"JAYWALKING?! THE CROSSWALK IS RIGHT THERE.
THIS IS THE LAZIEST OF CRIMES.
YOU... ARE LAZY. A LAZY, LAZY BAD MAN."

"I'm lazy! I'm sorry, I'm lazy! So, so, so, so lazy! Let me go and I'll never jaywalk again!"

"HMNNN....
BUT YOU ARE A BAD GUY.
BAD GUYS CAN BE EATEN!"

Venom's jaw opens wider, and beneath the sounds of mounting horror, Eddie can be heard from within.

"We said we'd let you out more if — IF — you wouldn't go sicko mode on randoms, man. This right here? Totally fucking sicko mode."

"BUT EDDIE, HE IS EVIL."

Before the ensuing debate on morality and good and evil in the eyes of the law can begin, it seems as if the jaywalker is slipping from Venom's grasp, steadily falling out of the shoe Venom is holding him up by. Any attempts at making this known via, you know, screaming is lost in the conversation. Words like deontology and unitarianism and evil are being thrown around between Eddie and Venom, and it seems like the victim/bad guy is being sidelined.

A better hero might need to intervene, here.

Comments

Closed to Diana

[frenchkissed]

Teleporters make him feel frazzled, and he's not sure if it's just because he's sensitive to particle scrambling, or because something with the vibrational frequencies does something strange to his connection with Venom. In either case, hopping from one side of the country to the other leaves Eddie feeling fragmented and really, really sick. Like he's too distracted by his nausea and thrown equilibrium to even begin to take in the rustic countryside that is Little Love levels of sick.

He just needs to lie down for a bit, probably. That should help.

On the bright side, he made it to Diana's home.

Beyond that, he's going to need a minute or two to just lay on her doorstep and wait for his molecules to return to where they belong before he can even think about knocking. Don't mind him.

[monomachy]

Diana's ranch is small compared to some of the other farms and ranches in Little Love, but it's perfect for her. She's already cordoned off a large area for an eventual training field, but the rest is for the horses (and goats, and maybe peacocks). She finally has some furniture (thanks, Tony), and it's starting to feel like a place she could actually enjoy spending time instead of just a roof over her head.

She hears a little scuffling outside, and lights up; Eddie and Venom must be here! She rushes to the door, barefoot and wearing a simple sundress, and opens it--

--to see a man lying face-down on her doorstep. It takes her brain a moment to process what's in front of her, but once she does, she immediately crouches down, brows drawn together and hands going to flip him over. She doesn't seem at all bothered by his weight.

"Gods, what happened to you?" Was he attacked? She immediately scans the open fields around them, keeping her hands on his shoulders in case she has to drag him inside and out of danger.

[frenchkissed]

Gods is right.

It's just Eddie's luck that he rolls over and sees the most gorgeous woman in all of the multiverse crouching over him, hair loose, dress flowing, face expressing open concern, hands on his shoulder as if she's ready to pounce. He feels bad that she feels bad. Of course, he also just sort of feels bad in general—teleportation vibrations, or something. But seeing her worry, he does his best to smile in a way that's more reassuring and less pained. Venom can heal all his wounds, but it seems like Venom is still feeling too rattled to piece them together.

"Diana... hey. Nothing much. Just... chilling."

Can he move? He can move. His stomach is doing flip-flops, but he's not so out of it that he can't work on bringing him up to his feet, with or without her assistance.

"Venom... the teleporter. He doesn't... doesn't really like the frequencies. It hurts him. He's okay."

He's swirling somewhere between the bones of Eddie's spine and muscles of his heart. As long as he's moving, Eddie isn't worried.

"And, you know, thanks for letting us check things out. Your place is... it's gorgeous."

[monomachy]

"Just chilling?" she echoes, keeping her hands on his shoulders as he starts to get up. "Nothing about this looks 'chill.'" See, she's picking up on modern slang pretty quickly. If she wasn't so worried about Eddie, she might even proudly point that out to him. But for right now, she is more concerned with getting him into the house and on to the couch so he can catch his breath.

Her eyes soften, and she says, "I'm sorry, Venom." He and Eddie have their symbiosis situation going on, and even when she can't see him, she assumes he can hear her. "Why does he not like the frequencies?" Diana knows next to nothing about aliens, and despite Eddie's current discomfort, she can't help but be curious.

Once they get to the couch, she points and gives a curt, "Sit," before heading to the kitchen. "Thank you. I'm glad you decided to come--there is too much room for just one person to be here." Not really, but she spent a very long time living in the barracks on Themyscira, which weren't exactly roomy, or private. She gets down a glass. "Do you want some water? Or perhaps bread?" Not to be all mother hen-y, but he was almost passed out on her front step. She's worried.

[frenchkissed]

When instructed to sit, he sits. He's in no position to argue, and sitting on a real, honest-to-god couch feels much better than laying on the ground out front.

"Either? Both? ...Both. Both sound good." He's already beginning to feel better, but water and something in his stomach will probably do him good. "And Venom's a symbiote. Symbiotes aren't good with loud noises, high frequencies, or fire— ...What? What do you mean don't tell her? You think she's going to light us on fire? ...If we're going to be living with her, we at least have to trust her... Oh, I'm being the paranoid one here?"

Venom comes bursting out like a bolt of lightning, hovering over Eddie's shoulder as a blob.

"SHE MUST PASS OUR TESTS, EDDIE." Glad to see Venom is feeling better. "DIANA. COME. SIT. ALLOW US TO EXPLORE THE DEPTHS OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS... WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SPICE GIRL?"

[monomachy]

As soon as he answers, she gathers everything together; a glass of cool water, a basket filled with bread and fresh fruit. She isn't much of a cook, but she'd bought the bread from a neighbor so it's fresh-made. She sets it all on the table before him just as he starts... talking to himself, which she belatedly realizes is him talking to Venom. Politely, she offers, "I will not light you on fire." She has no plans to, at least.

Only her quick reflexes and the foreknowledge that he was there all along keeps her from giving in to thousands of years of training and punching the symbiote right in his toothy mouth as he erupts from Eddie's shoulder. Still, her muscles flex, ready for a fight that never comes. She relaxes as she settles on the couch beside him, pulling her feet up under her, looking for all appearances like a normal woman and not an immortal goddess trained by the greatest warriors in the world. A sundress will do that for a girl.

She ponders his question, and eventually gives up, looking almost embarrassed as she asks: "What is a spice girl?" If this is a failure, she'll be miserable.

[frenchkissed]

You know, Eddie wouldn't be surprised if she did deck Venom right then and there. Not happy, but not surprised. Sure, he's largely harmless, but something about the teeth and tongue and lack of nose doesn't do him any favors. And jumping out at people without warning is generally frowned upon. Diana is a better person than him, is what he means by this.

While he helps himself to the water, Venom looks to curl in on himself, recoiling.

"...EDDIE, A WORD?"

"Yeah, man. I'm right here."

What follows is the worst attempt at whispering in the world, not only because she's five inches away, but because Venom has yet to master the art of the inside voice.

"SHE IS INADEQUATE.
HOW WILL WE ENJOY KAROKE NIGHTS IN HER PRESENCE?
SHE CANNOT SING THE HARMONIES!
...
WE MUST LEAVE AT ONCE."

"Hey. Hey... Didn't you have, like, ninety other questions prepared? Just try another one."

Trying to explain to a Venom how Spice Girls selection is not a good question to determine roommate compatibility isn't going to do much for anyone, Eddie knows. He could try to explain things like rent, and shared responsibilities, but that isn't nearly as important as karaoke night according to V, so it's better to just play along.

"Hmmm." Begrudgingly, Venom turns to her. "WHAT IS THE BEST FRUIT?"

Behind him, Eddie draws some round shape in the air as if to give her a clue. But seeing as how, like, 99% of fruits are round, she might have been better off without his helpful hints.

II

[robintohood]

Jason was jumping rooftops and swinging from one building to another as part of his nightly patrol and survey of Central City. That's when heard a man screaming and immediately went to investigate. From a rooftop, Jason could see the poor guy dangling upside down by a tar monster. He was about to jump in and intervene when he heard the... tar monster's conversation? Apparently there are more people than Jason can see.

Upon seeing the victim slipping, Jason fires his grappling gun and swings to grab him while the monster and... whoever else are distracted.

[frenchkissed]

Just their luck. Venom can't even get a bite to eat without someone interrupting. He hadn't even gotten to the good guy monologue...

With the approaching person swinging fast towards them — Spider-Man, maybe — Venom decides that they can continue this debate later and takes off. Instead of leaving the jaywalker be, he tosses him over his shoulder before breaking off into an all-fours sprint. He doesn't want to start a fight with a hero fellow hero. Heroes are good, and therefore cannot be eaten.

"WE HAVE THIS BATTLE UNDER CONTROL.
LEAVE US BE, SPIDEY.
PERHAPS SAVE A CAT FROM A TREE!"

Yeah, we might have a hostage situation on our hands now.

[robintohood]

Oh goddamnit. Well that escalated quick. Jason's now in pursuit of the tar monster and the poor jaywalker. He's making good use his grappling gun to keep up. Also, did the tar monster just call him Spidey? Jason has been called a lot of things over the years but that's new.

"Last I checked, cops don't even ticket jaywalkers! So drop the dinner!"

[frenchkissed]

In Venom's defense, the guy currently chasing them is dressed all in red and swinging through the air by what could be a series of interconnected webs. Venom isn't looking closely enough to tell, too busy attempting escape.

"LAWS ARE FICKLE. MEANINGLESS.
WHAT DICTATES OUR WORLD IS GOOD AND... EVIL."

Venom stops short, suddenly enough to leave Eddie and the hostage's heads spinning.

"WHICH ARE YOU?"

[robintohood]

Jason stops dead in his tracks when the tar monster stops. Now it's his turn to get into a morality discussion? Tonight's just full of surprises.

"Funny question. Can't really answer that because it's subjective."

It's tempting to just shoot the tar monster right there and then but it's still a hostage situation. Jason can't risk using any of his weapons yet. Maybe the sudden philosophy discussion will distract the monster enough that Jason will find an opening.

[frenchkissed]

"That's what I've been saying, man," Comes that voice from inside again. It's a little echo-y, but entirely clear. "What's evil to one person is totally fine to someone else. There's no, like, blanket answer."

"I CAN EAT THIS MAN.
AND YOU CANNOT TELL ME IT IS WRONG.
BECAUSE WRONGNESS IS... SUBJECTIVE..."

"No, dude, that's not it, either."

The jaywalker, in case anyone forgot about him, screeches again, but it's not as intense as before. He might have been sort of into this conversation if it wasn't his life on the line.

"ENOUGH WITH THIS!
WE EAT BAD GUYS, EDDIE!
WE KNOW BAD.

BECAUSE WE ARE HEROES."

1

[kid_flash_found]

Bart was just going for a jog, in uniform, helping out where he saw problems. A purse-snatcher here, a cat in a tree there, nothing too demanding. He was actually thinking about stopping for a snack, maybe a burger or five, when he hears someone calling out. He slows more, turning to see the...tentacle guy.

"Uh, dude, I don't want to worry you, but you've got some things on your back. Is that normal?"

[frenchkissed]

Of all the questions to lead with, that was a pretty considerate one. Being worried about Eddie's safety, Eddie appreciates it. He's not sure what the solution would be had these tentacles not been a part of his every day life, but fortunately he doesn't need to worry about that.

"Yeah, uh. That's pretty normal, yeah..."

Maybe not to this extent, but it happens. Venom really should calm down, though. People are starting to stare.

"How long you been here for? This world, this universe... A while?"

[kid_flash_found]

"Uh, yeah, I guess. I think I was in one of the first groups to show, but I could be wrong. The multiverse stuff is kinda...well, you get used to it after a while," Kid Flash explains, then glances around at the crowd warily moving around them.

"Just be glad this isn't the universe run by lizards. I never liked that one."

[frenchkissed]

"Guessing you had powers before you got here, too."

Venom's flailing is hard to ignore, especially now that he seems hip to hit anything in a 20-feet radius. A street sign gets whacked. The sidewalk is getting whacked. Anyone who comes too close might get whacked.

He's having a moment.

[kid_flash_found]

"Um, your, uh, limbs are kinda getting a little dangerous there. Maybe we should take this somewhere with less potential bystanders..." he starts to suggest. "And yeah, I've always been a speedster. Kid Flash, fastest teen alive and all that jazz."

[frenchkissed]

"Yeah... They are, aren't they."

What a weird tantrum. It's not like Venom to be quite this unhinged.

"Fewer bystanders, like the park?"

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Ohhhh jeez, that sure looks like Venom. Doreen isn't super familiar with Venom back home, beyond the basic stuff that she learned from her reference cards - big goopy alien guy, used to be a suit, doesn't like Spider-Man or loud noises very much. But... this is a Multiverse situation, maybe this version of Venom isn't a bad guy, maybe she can give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe...

... Nevermind, he's literally trying to eat someone, time to run interference.

"Hey! Hey!" She drops down from a nearby telephone pole, tail bristling. "I'm gonna need you to drop the pedestrian, dude!" A beat. "And not into your mouth, obviously! Put him down on the sidewalk, please!"

[frenchkissed]

Pretty judgmental to think Venom is a bad guy just because he's attempting a murder at this very moment. Maybe he's a good guy who's gotten a little hungry? Maybe he's just stretching his tentacles and not planning to chomp down on the man who's screaming frantically above him.

Shame on you.

"THIS MAN... IS A VILLAIN.
WE DO WHAT MUST BE DONE.
WHAT YOU ARE AFRAID TO DO.
BY TAKING CARE OF EVIL... WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
YOU ARE WELCOME."

Said evil continues to scream: "I just cut around the crosswalk, man!"

"AND YOU ARE EVIL FOR DOING SO! NOBODY LIKES A JAYWALKER!"

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Look, the circumstantial evidence is not in his favour here! The screaming guy who's about to be eaten would probably have some negative things to say about this whole experience!

"Wait, hold up, jaywalking?" You can almost hear the figurative record-scratch in the background. "... Okay. Lemme see if I've got this right. You're doing a whole vigilante thing now, fighting bad guys - don't get me wrong, love the initiative, I'm all for self-improvement and trying to make the world a better place! But the horrible crime you're threatening to eat this guy for is jaywalking?"

She spreads her arms wide, indicating the street around them.

"Dude, there isn't even any traffic here to obstruct! On the crime scale, jaywalking is like a 0.5 out of 10, at most it would get you a small fine from the police. You can let this guy off with a warning, yeah? I think it's safe to say that he's never gonna jaywalk again after this."

[frenchkissed]

...

Yep, she's got it right, all right.

At least Venom has the decency to cast his eyes downward, like a puppy being scolded for wrecking the carpet while their owners were away. That's the energy this person is giving off; disappointed pet owner energy. And for some reason it's more efficient than anything Eddie's ever said or done, because Venom shrinks back.

"JAYWALKING... IS A CRIME," But now he doesn't sound too sure. "Criminals are bad. We do not like bad people. We eat them."

But she's making some good points. Maybe eating a jaywalker is beneath them. 0.5? They can do so much better than that! They should be going after 10s! 20s! Eddie tells him that's not how scales work, and Venom hushs him.

"YOU WILL FIND US A TEN? Find us a worthy opponent and we will set him free."

He looks up to the man still dangling in the air, probably close to passing out with all the blood rushing to his head, and he frowns... or does the best he can with so many teeth and a seemingly permanent smile.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

This is even more ridiculous because Doreen is like 5'3, Venom's getting lectured by someone half his size! Doreen crosses her arms and tilts her head to one side, raising an eyebrow. It's pretty obvious by now that this isn't her world's Venom - nothing in her reference cards said anything about him looking like a giant, goopy, sad puppy when reprimanded!

"The thing about fighting crime is that if you eat the bad guys, they never get a chance to become good guys," she says, gently. "You hungry? C'mon, let's put the guy down and talk about dietary choices, huh? We can find you something else to eat."

Something else, not someone else!

[frenchkissed]

Huh, the old reformation theory? Eddie probably has more to say on that front than Venom does, but Eddie is supposed to be taking a backseat because this is Venom's night out, and he needs to be supportive. He's not supportive of murdering someone, naturally, but he is happy to see Venom meeting people and actually listening to them, so he stays quiet for now.

"GOOD GUYS..." Venom lowers the man to the ground and lets him scurry away, since this no longer has anything to do with him. Venom was a bad guy, once. But through the power of friendship — i.e. Eddie Brock's infectious goodness — he loss the desire destroy all humans. He's been infected with humanity, so to speak. Which means other bad people can be, too.

But that poses a problem.

"IF THERE ARE NO BAD GUYS, WHO WILL WE EAT?"