metalogs | [Closed] Dividing my head and my heart

Entry tags:

[Closed] Dividing my head and my heart

Who: Jason

reneger and Accelerator

levelshift
What: Just some totally normal, well-balanced people having a totally normal meeting in a totally normal back alley.
When: Mid-July.
Where: The back alleys of Central City.
Content Warnings: Mild physical torture, discussion of a minor acquiring and using weapons (knives, guns). These two talking about almost dying and really dying.

[It's late at night in Central, and Accelerator has found himself down a back alley in one of the sketchier neighbourhoods of the city. It's a place he's pretty familiar with by now, so he isn't giving off any signs of discomfort. Also, he isn't alone.]

Come on, this isn't fucking hard.

[There's a guy with a bloody nose, probably in his mid-to-late twenties, slumped against the wall of a building on the ground, groaning. He's clutching his arm, which is twisted in a few different places. Accelerator is standing in front of him with an exasperated expression. It's kind of a funny scene, this big guy being loomed over by a skinny, albino-looking kid with a crutch in one hand, his other one casually shoved in the pocked of his jeans. The light on his choker is glowing red.

Stalking people isn't something Accelerator can say he specializes in, but he knows enough to have picked up on this loser being a part of some shitty Central gang. Hardly an upstanding member of society, though more of the two-bit criminal variety than some evil mastermind. Which is fine, he has to start somewhere and someone on the low rungs of a gang makes the most sense.

He sighs, raises a foot, and plants it on the goon's chest. Technically there's a couple of centimetres between the sole of his shoe and the guy's chest, as that's where his ability kicks in, but that's a minor detail. All Accelerator has to do is gently press his foot downwards and do a few quick calculations, amplifying the vectors behind the motion to increase the pressure. His automatic reflection prevents the guy's body from closing that tiny distance. It's simple, but effective.

The guy starts flailing a little, and then there's the crunch as a rib cracks. He yelps loudly, looking like he's on the verge of passing out. Accelerator, still looking thoroughly annoyed, rolls his eyes at getting reaction instead of anything useful. He doesn't press down any further, but he also doesn't move his foot, maintaining that pressure on the cracked rib.]

Goddamnit, the last guy was less of a wuss. You people are a pain in the ass, you know that?

[The first one had actually passed out from the pain, and the second one hadn't known anything. Apparently 'third time's the charm' is just wishful thinking.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fastest way you're gonna reload. Rack it. Put it upside down in front of you, gripping onto it like you had earlier. Move it down, sharp. You need enough force from it to rack a round into the chamber.

( accelerator wants to learn how to do shit the hard way, he'll have to--pick it up the hard way, too. though, looking at him-- )

What'd you do to your leg?

[Accelerator glares down at the gun, but he'll unload it and try it again, following what Jason says. He's going to keep trying until it stops being a pain in the ass, since he doesn't have much other choice.

The question makes him pause briefly. Back home this was never something he has to explain, being infamous enough meant basically anyone he came across already knew. That isn't the case here, and while there's some information about himself he's reluctant to let get out, he supposes the brain injury shouldn't be one of those things. Telling Leo and Donnie had been fine, Mechanima and a few others at the Society know.... The only harm he can see is people trying to take advantage of the choker, but anyone with eyes can see that it's important. You don't need the full story for that.

After that pause, he resumes reloading, cursing some more under his breath.]

It's a traumatic brain injury. It affects the entire left side of my body, not just my leg.

Show me?

( not his brain, obviously, but the extent of it. jason's no expert here, but he's got--some experience with people with similar things going on. he's not going to be able to find a fix for it like this, but he knows people smarter than him who might have something they can do to help.

accelerator seems like he's figuring out the reload just fine. it takes a bit to get used to, jason knows, so he doesn't expect him to get it down over the next several tries. he's not leaving him with the gun this easily anyway. )

[Accelerator raises an eyebrow at the question, but focuses on finishing his second reload. He is, at least, coming along in getting the movements down. He's a quick learner, and he's immediately starting on attempt #3, answering while he does.]

Why? I can hold and fire the gun with my left hand fine enough. I'll figure out reloading, even if it keeps being a pain in the ass, and I can use both hands when I'm doing maintenance on the damn thing. That should be enough.

You can do whatever the hell you want. Show me, don't, keep fucking with the gun and ignore me, I don't care.

( but he will raise a hand, and gesture to accelerator's right side. )

But I might be able to figure out an alternative. Can't do jack shit if I don't know the extent of it.

[There's another click of his tongue (this is annoying, all of this is annoying), but he'll relent. If only because he should put the subject to bed as soon as possible.]

My hand is a little weaker, but I'm right-handed anyways, so that doesn't feel like much of a difference. [It's probably the easiest adjustment for him.] I can't walk very well without my crutch. Running's out of the question.

[Leo and Donnie have tried to help out with that, but without using his ability movement is just difficult now. Anyways, he doesn't particularly want to show any of that, because it's just sad and pathetic. He keeps going.]

You're not going to be able to do shit. This is already with an alternative, Mechanima's best alternative. As shitty as he is, that guy didn't fuck around when he helped me.

You realize shit's different here, right? There's people who can heal damn near anything, sorcerers--hell, one of the sorcerers I know is in neurosurgery.

( there are options out there, but jason also gets it if accelerator doesn't want those options. because he hates it when people fuck around with his body, when they try and patch it together through magic or meta abilities or whatever. they're his scars, his bruises, and he's earned them. )

Don't have to if you don't want to, but there's shit you can do.

[What the hell is this. Seriously. Why are they even having this conversation? This weirdo is supposed to be selling him a gun, not helping him improve his quality of life (outside of violence).

Maybe it's some kind of stupid ambush? Maybe he actually knows who he is, and these sorcerers - or more scientists, even - want to fuck around with his body. There's no way the guy is from Academy City, but that doesn't mean he couldn't be from outside and acquired various data on espers through information smuggling. That had been what Amai Ao had been doing, after all.

Ugh, maybe he's just being paranoid. Who knows. Accelerator finishes another reload and snorts a little, because at the very least, a sorcerer specializing in neurosurgery sounds utterly hilarious.]

I'm pretty sure if anyone tried that invasive with me using magic they'd die.

[If that incident with Donnie's mystic tech is anything to go off of then yeah, that's a real concern. That's what this world needs, a bunch of doctor-sorcerers or whatever getting blown up accidentally because they tried to do a kind thing.]

I'm not going to deny my situation is shit, because it is. But it's the best option I've got, and getting creative like learning to use a gun to use my ability less often helps.

( it's not a no but it's an i'm wary to try anything. which makes it hard to approach, too, because jason does get it. not the they'd die if they tried magic on me thing, he doesn't know accelerator's deal there, but the rest of it. )

You're getting the hang of reloading, wanna move on to disassembling it? If you're gonna fuck around with a gun, you need to know it inside and out.

( you don't, not really. but jason needs to, and jason's not letting anyone run around with one until they do. not if it's something he has a say in. especially not a kid, and one who's planning on handling it completely one-handed. )

You want me to see if I can find someone who'll try it, or do you want me to drop it?

( helping beyond this. he'll check with strange, check with people he knows who've been here longer, who know more than jason does. but it's easy enough to let go of, too. it's not his right side. jason couldn't live like that--he doesn't have an ability to balance it off, he'd get killed too quickly or he'd get himself fucked over more because he doesn't know how to stop. it'd be shit either way. )

[No one should be spending this much effort on him, especially when he's sure that any genuine attempts at help are either going to fail or get themselves hurt. It isn't worth it, it really isn't worth it.

... At least it's nice to hear he's picking up reloading, even if it's also weird. It's not quite praise, but it's close enough that it makes him a little uncomfortable.]

Sure.

[He genuinely wants to know how to maintain it on his own, and he's sure it'll go a lot smoother than getting reloading down. Going and setting the gun back down on the table, he hesitates at the next question.]

Drop it. [He should drop it at that, too. He really should, but instead he looks over sharply at Jason.] Why are you even offering? Seriously, that has nothing to do with you or whoever you know. All you'd be doing is putting them at fucking risk.

( this is not a question he should be answering, because while jason doesn't give a shit about fucking around with their own while masked, letting others in on personal details is never, ever a good idea. people have gotten the drop on him before due to bleeding in a little too much, and that wasn't even jason's fault. but accelerator is a kid, and kids are idiots who don't trust anyone worth shit because everyone could be out to get them if they're not trying to get something out of them. everyone was out to get jason, and everyone else was trying to get something out of him.

he gets it.

he doesn't move any closer when accelerator turns to look at him. clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. )

I've got a little brother who's about your age. He's an asshole with a terrible temper, too much pride, and he saunters around like nothing can touch him. ( the damian here is - significantly older than that now. still similar. but he's not talking about him, except for the points where he is because he still relives the nightmare of damian losing an arm every time he closes his eyes. ) Call it sentiment if you want.

[Oh.

If he's telling the truth, then that's about as far from Accelerator's initial suspicions as they can get. They're polar opposites. Accelerator isn't sure if he should feel bad for making assumptions (there's still a chance they could be true), but more than that... he's uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. Who the hell compares him to their brother? Of course, it's not like Jason knows what he's doing, since he doesn't actually know him at all, but that's such a ridiculous, dumb thing to do.

Give him a second, here. He's staring blankly, very what the fuck???]

You don't want to be comparing me to any of your family. [He's spitting that out after a moment.] I'm a piece of shit.

So's my entire family. You think I go around in a mask 'cause I think it's fun? ( it is partially because it's fun. what's more fun than swinging from rooftops and punching asshats in the face? jason certainly enjoys getting to put down the fuckers who deserve it. but it's also--someone has to do it. and that someone just happens to be jason. ) He was raised by assassins. Pretty sure he's tried to kill me at least twice.

( from the soft playful lilt to his tone, accelerator can probably pick out that he's not bothered by that, not at all. jason's almost killed damian for less; he's gotten close with tim for even less than that. so, it's only fair. )

Does it really matter?

[That whole explanation is so ridiculous Accelerator is coming to the conclusion that it must be true, because seriously, who would come up with a lie that outlandish? Though that does mean this guy has an assassin brother his age who tried to kill him multiple times and seems totally fine with it all.

Accelerator doesn't have a family of his own (he refuses to think of Last Order, Yomikawa, and Yoshikawa that way, they deserve better), but he is very certain families aren't supposed to act like this.]

....

[At any rate, it also means that sentiment is genuine, which makes him want to viscerally recoil. Even if his brother is total garbage he's still family, that still has meaning to it. That isn't something he should be encroaching upon.

That's what it feels like, some kind of horrible (scary) encroachment, even though it's Jason making the comparison and he hasn't actually done anything. Accelerator scowls (nothing new there) stubbornly.]

Yeah. All I wanted was to find some bastard who would sell me a gun. Now you're comparing me to family. [It is A Lot for an emotionally stunted, asocial kid to deal with.]

( he's just a kid. a kid with an attitude who, from what jason has seen, is extremely clever. he did some follow up research on accelerator after they parted ways last time, because he doesn't just give guns out to kids who ask for them on the streets, that'd be a really stupid move. and jason, despite airs he might intentionally put on to throw people off, isn't an idiot. he isn't just a brawler, isn't just some guy with guns.

probably isn't the person to be having this talk, either. but he rolls his eyes under his mask, puts both hands on his hips. )

You're a brat who was walking 'round the street asking thugs for guns. Not only is that reckless, it'd be downright stupid for most. But you're not most kids, are you? You're on your own, in a new place, far away from home. An' you're pretty sure you're doing just fine, because you can handle everything on your own.

( a lot of this is guesswork, based on their very limited interactions. jason's usually pretty spot on, he wasn't trained by the world's greatest detective for nothing, but he wouldn't be surprised if he got shit wrong, either. )

I was on my own when I was a lot younger than you, I know what it's like to need something to try and keep yourself safe, 'cause who the fuck knows what the world's going to throw at you next. Doesn't matter what special abilities you've got going on, you've got a weakness you can't hide which means you've gotta make up for it in other ways. Mouthing off, finding a good weapon you can pull out to throw people, being suspicious of everyone who offers a hand 'cause chances are high they're all out to get you. And if they aren't, who gives a shit? You're not out here looking for friends, and it's better to tell everyone to fuck off because chances are always higher their intentions are shit.

[It's a great day when you get to test fire a gun and also get your whole business shoved in your face. Accelerator's scowl doesn't budge an inch except a twitch to one eye.]

What a load of shit.

[It's horribly, uncomfortably accurate. This may in fact be even worse than the time Yomikawa called him out - or maybe it's better? With Yomikawa it was definitely an adult giving a child an afterschool lecture that he absolutely did not want to hear. She had been kind and hopeful and tried to offer him some of that hope, and he had laughed in her face.

(And felt disgusted at himself for doing it, but that's beside the point.)

This isn't going that far, though. Right now all Jason has done is nail down a chunk of his situation. He hasn't done anything else. Accelerator is suspicious, though. His back isn't up against the wall quite yet, but he doesn't enjoy being called out and his default reaction to that is hostility for the exact reason Jason has pointed out. People suck, chances are they want something out of him if they're being kind, so it's easier to reject them right away.

(It has nothing to do with being scared, fuck you Yomikawa.)]

Is this about to turn into a lecture? Or are you saying you're doing all this bullshit because you empathize?

( it's calling himself out more than anything else. jason wasn't superpowered as a kid, but he was a stubborn asshole too who thought every hand held out to him was poisoned. still thinks that most the time. because people are assholes. he's an asshole. )

I don't do lectures. ( he saves those for dick to pull off. would even call him in to figure out a kid he barely knows if he did need one. but nobody needs to have someone talk their asses off and scold them, that's just stupid. ) I'm saying I get it, an' I'm not out to screw you over. If I wanted someone to fuck up, I've got better choices than some scrawny little runt.

( he could go fuck with himself; making a mess of junior's things is always fun. there's rayner, stark, strange--and those are the friendlies who it'd just be fucking with in good fun. there's always gangsters to break open until they beg running around the streets of central, when he's feeling particularly violent. )

[Accelerator doesn't try to correct him, even though being called a scrawny little runt is irritating. It's still better than being treated according to his level.

Not getting a lecture is nice, too. When Yomikawa had done this, part of her reasoning for her whole spiel had been because she used her law enforcement credentials to run a search on him in the Bank and found most of the information on him was locked behind security clearances she didn't have.

He relaxes slightly, though he hasn't stopped scowling. If anything, he's looking a tiny bit more thoughtful.]

... Did you look me up in the Society's database?

[He doubts that's what this is actually about. Jason doesn't seem to have any kind of ulterior motives here, he does seem to be sincere about just wanting to empathize. Accelerator wants to ask regardless, though.]

Would most of your shit even be in their database? I know you haven't been 'round here that long.

( he did follow accelerator, for a bit. found out he's been. . petsitting for chaos gate, in a sense. but jason hasn't gone through the trouble of hacking into the society's shit. if he did, he would have had to ask for tim's help, and he knows where mechanima's skillset lies. best not to fuck with a guy like that without someone to back him up who has a similar skillset, and he's lacking those right now. )

I pulled from my own story.

( which has never been a secret. he'd gone around the streets of gotham, scaring people shitless by ranting and raving about rumors of the red hood being the dead robin who came back angry. he's neither here, it doesn't have the weight. but it's still useful in times like these. )

No. Not most things. [Only a fraction of what he assumes is in Academy City, which is lucky. It was worth asking, at any rate.

He's hesitating, before moving the gun over a little more so he can move to sit at the edge of the table. Despite having gone on about only wanting to buy a gun he's taking a short break from firearm-related things, contemplating everything Jason has told him. Empathy isn't exactly something Accelerator has encountered often in his life, there's no way most people have been through the things he has. This universe hasn't been quite as dire as home, but even then.

It's strange. Maybe he should feel happy or relieved or have some sense of comradery, but he still just feels uncomfortable. It might be because he's never been the type for self-reflection or anything like that? Normally he'd keep on being hostile, since that's how he responds to everything, but he isn't sure if he should do that right now.]

What was your life like, exactly?

I was a street rat, up until some asshole in a furry suit told me to get in his car and trained me to fight crime.

( it's not untrue, it very much oversimplying it and jason is not going to fix it, because he thinks it's funny as shit telling it like this. maybe not the best intro for a kid but clearly this kid can handle himself and he can handle jason's shitty retellings. it's not the details he's really looking for, jason bets, but it's the bits that most people give a shit about. jason todd was nothing, until he was something, and then-- )

Then I died tragically, got buried, an' came back angry.

[Ah, he should have expected such nonsense from someone with a kid brother raised by assassins that tried to kill him twice (minimum). Accelerator is gradually getting used to hearing weird shit from other people, and his own situation is already pretty out there, so he keeps a straight face.]

That's fucked up.

[Which part is he talking about? Who knows. Maybe all of it.]

You seem more like the type of bastard who commits crimes, not fights them.

[Let's start with that.]

Never said I was a good guy, did I?

( has accelerator seen his duffel bag full of knives and guns? does that seem like the kind of shit a hero runs around with? that's fucked up--is right. jason's whole thing is fucked. he's well aware he's fucked up. and that's not even getting into all the other shit that's fucked him over. )

I might've been, once.

[He supposes he can relate to that, kind of. It's not like he started out as a monster.

There isn't much Accelerator remembers about his life when he was really young, but he does he remembers being a fairly normal kid. Or at least, he thinks he used to be like that. One's feelings and reality don't always line up, especially when it's all from the perspective of a little kid.

Either way, it's a big jump going from fighting crime to hauling around big duffel bags full of guns and knives and giving a kid tips on how to torture people in dark alleys. But it's one that isn't totally outlandish to him.]

So, what? Dying changed all of that?

No. I was always rough around the edges. Comes with the whole living on the streets thing. Dying brought perspective.

( and a shitton of psychological trauma, along with the effects the lazarus pit had on him. the anger was his, but how destructive, how loud it was, how intense--jason's not sure if all of that was him. if it's still him, or if it's leftover pit madness. whatever it is, it's part of jason now, and he's learning to work around his temper. somewhat. )

Handling people with kid gloves doesn't get jack shit done. You go one step harder than they do, sometimes two, 'cause a slap on the wrist does nothing. ( and. gesturing down at accelerator's new toy. ) Bring a gun to a knife fight.

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