metalogs | i was born to hold my hands up (open)

[ Dick is drenched in a cold sweat with tear-tracks running down his cheeks. He's not in his bed, he's... no, this is his bed in the NYC a whole world away.

He jumps when the door bangs open and he feels his meta powers activate. He glows, one hand outstretched with some half-formed weapon in it. But it's just Jason. The glow dims. ]

Who... [ Who screamed? he starts to say, but his voice feels scratchy and it answers that for him. ]

It was me. Sorry, I usually don't... I'm fine. Sorry.

( it's just jason and dick. there's no one else. jason takes another deep breath, then very, very slowly moves the gun to put it on top of the closest flat surface after flicking the safety on. raises his hand after to shove fingers through his hair as he gives a sharp exhale. tries to will himself to calm down, to push back that fight or flight instinct that has his shoulders so tense, body primed for a fight. )

's okay.

( his voice is still quiet, carefully contained. jason takes a few steps into the room, slow. he knows how quick he is to pull the trigger when he wakes up startled and afraid. how he'd still have his finger resting on the trigger if he didn't have a startled teenager in the room with him.

jason takes a couple more steps into the room. moves to sit on the edge of dick's mattress but not quite close to touching him. he needs a minute. needs a lifetime, really, but jason's not getting that, so he'll--settle for this. )

It's okay not to be okay, too.

[ He lets out a shaky breath. ]

Yeah, I... I know. I just need a minute.

[ He untangles himself from his bedding and makes his way to the ensuite bathroom. His glow fades entirely as he walks. Dick steps into the bathroom and closes the door. Shakily, he turns on the faucet to rinse off his face. Dick closes his eyes for a split second and immediately regrets it. All he can see is blood and a mangled body and... he barely makes it to the toilet before throwing up. Dick has seen terrible, gruesome things both as Robin and as Dick, but it's never easy.

It takes him more than a minute, all told. Flushing the toilet once he's sure his stomach has settled, washing his face, brushing his teeth, gripping the edges of the sink and forcing himself to breathe slowly but not shut his eyes.

Distantly, he's aware Jason can hear all of this. ]

( he can hear it, and if he wasn't still shaky from his own dream, he'd be up on his feet. he'd offer a hand, try and do something, but jason--is still trying to pull himself together. dick needs a minute, and jason needs a few. he stays on the edge of the bed. raises both hands up to shove them against his face, and just--lets himself breathe as they block out the light.

dick vomits, and jason gets it. he hears it, hears the toilet flush, hears the sink turn on again. pulls in another breath, counts down from five before letting it go, and pulls himself together enough so he can get himself up to his feet. somehow manages to get to the bathroom door and leans his forehead in against it. pulls in another breath, counts to five, and lets it go. )

I'm sorry. ( he feels like he should say it, even if he also knows damn well dick's extremely unlikely to pin it back on him. he remembers his dream. he remembers the off feeling to it, this time. remembers what it was like last time someone--fucked around in his head. ) Sometimes I dream 'bout punching Tim and him turning into dozens of robins that fly away, which's way more fun.

( there was somewhere he was going with that, but jason can't remember it after he finishes his sentence. oops. )

It was just a nightmare. ( but it felt real, because it was. jason remembers every bit of pain and suffering that had happened. he lives with it, relives it when he closes his eyes. tonight--wasn't any different. )

[ It clicks into place with a slow, uncomfortable certainty. Somehow he and Jason had shared a dream-- a nightmare. But it felt real, more a memory that's fuzzy around the edges than a nightmare that sprang out of nothing.

Dick leans his head against the door as well. He could open the door, but he thinks they might both need another minute or two. ]

It's not your fault. [ His voice cracks a little. ] And it wasn't just a nightmare.

( it's his fault for risking a nap. not that he was anticipating this, he was more anticipating getting stuck in his own nightmare, not dragging someone else in. jason usually--sets himself alarms, to wake him up before he falls asleep too deeply. or at least he has been since dick moved in. because he knew this would happen. not the dream sharing, but the jason having night terrors bad enough he wakes up screaming bit. which isn't something he'd wanted dick to have to deal with.

but here they are anyway, and dick's even worse off than jason had originally anticipated. this is why he said he shouldn't take in any bat kids who may or may not show up. he fucked over tim by fighting junior, and now he's fucked over dick by dumping nightmares onto him. )

It was. Just a nightmare. ( he says it like he's trying to convince the both of them. like it'd be that easy. )

[ Dick doesn't believe Jason, and it's evident in how he hesitates before answering. ]

Okay.

[ He's learned over time that sometimes faking ignorance is the best route he can take. Dick has always been too perceptive, and he knows it can be unsettling. Not that linking the nightmare to the 'Jason was killed by the Joker' knowledge is difficult but.

It's fine. He'll suck it up and fake it. He's a performer, after all. ]

I'm coming out.

( he can tell it's not working. dick hesitates too much, he says he's coming out like it's something weighty. and jason sucks in a breath. stands up straight so his head isn't resting against the door. considers saying something--then, about how he knows dick knows, apologize again maybe, but there's not really a correct response for sorry you got pulled into my shit night terrors. so he takes a step back from the door instead, and just--waits.

jason'll figure out something. )

[ Dick opens the door. He looks a little better, though his eyes are still red-rimmed and his hair is still matted down with sweat. Dick is at a loss. He usually has something to say to break the silence. Instead, he does something a little ill-advised when the other person is recovering from a night terror.

He hugs Jason. ]

( he's still tense. dick makes a beeline for him and jason's at least awake enough to know that someone coming for him with their arms open isn't coming at him to stab him in the kidney. probably. but it's dick, maybe not the one he knows but one who feels close enough to be trustworthy, and jason's--

wrapping his arms around dick, too. rests his chin against dick's hair as he pulls in a shaky breath, )

Do you wanna talk about it?

[ Dick leans into the hug. He focuses on the present, the way he was taught. The small shaft of sunlight that cuts through the room, the distant sound of traffic, and the feel of the floor beneath his bare feet. It was just a nightmare, but based in reality. He can't change it. All he can do is carry the knowledge now.

Jason asks if he wants to talk and he shakes his head. ]

Not really. Do you?

No.

( not now. he'll need a good several hours before he feels comfortable opening his mouth about any of it. but he knows--well. he assumes he knows how it feels to be in dick's position. feeling all of that, experiencing it when it wasn't his to go through. jason doesn't know how intertwined it was: his memory and dick's presence, but even not feeling it, seeing it'd be enough to scar someone.

jason should know, considering he'd lived it. but he holds on tight to dick. keeps his arms wrapped around him, curls around him. like he could will all that bullshit away just by shielding dick from it. )

I won't let it happen to you.

[ Dick is quietly relieved that Jason doesn't want to talk about it either. The things that happened, he could describe them in gruesome detail. But how he feels about it, the sick feeling in his gut that still lingers, he couldn't even put together words for it.

He feels Jason tighten his grip. He knows what Jason is going to say before he does. It's a promise he's heard before. From his parents, from Bruce. It's a promise no one can keep because they can't control every possible bad thing that'll hurt him. Dick doesn't have the heart to point that out and, maybe, he wants to believe right now. He wants to believe that there isn't a Joker out there that would delight in torturing another Robin. ]

We'll protect each other.

( he wasn't here to protect tim, and bruce didn't do jack shit when it happened again either. there were so many people around who should have been able to prevent tim from getting jokernapped, plenty of people who should have been able to find him before it got as bad as it did, and no one did jack shit until it was too late. jason won't let it happen again. he doesn't give a shit what he has to do to prevent it, jason's death was enough, no one else should have had to suffer it, jason shouldn't have. )

Yeah. ( agreeing with him isn't hard. dick's young, but even at fourteen he's already got a shitton of weight on his shoulders. he carries a lot with him. telling him no isn't going to get them anywhere. ) You wanna go out for a bit?

[ Dick is still ignorant of what happened to Tim. He didn't scrape through all of the available data online, so he won't know anything about it unless someone tells him.

Going out sounds better than pacing around the apartment and doing mindless things to keep busy. When he's upset, standing still just makes it worse. ]

Sure.

( his grip on dick tightens for a moment, before jason takes a deep breath and--lets go entirely. raises his hand up to ruffle dick's hair before he's turning around and heading back towards the door, grabbing his gun on his way. )

There's a few hot spots nearby I've been keeping an eye on.

( kicking around thugs is great therapy. )

[ He lets go when Jason does and doesn't even make a face at the hair-ruffling. He gives Jason an almost-smile at the suggestion. ]

Might as well get to work, since we're already awake.

[ He's sure there are healthier ways to cope. He might even know a few, after all of the sessions he's had with Canary. But sometimes doing something concrete is enough. He can't undo what happened to Jason. But he can fight to make things even a little better. Maybe this time someone makes it home who might not have if they didn't intervene. Maybe someone who's been tearing apart the neighborhood gets locked up.

Little things still matter. Trying still matters. ]

Edited 2023-08-15 20:54 (UTC)

Might as well.

( the gun gets shoved into the back of his sweats, safety flicked on and jason--takes a moment at the doorframe. pulls in a breath, lets it out slow. raises his hand after to wave dick off. )

Give me a minute.

( so he can wake up properly. take a moment, maybe, to let himself swallow down the fucking mess of what'd happened. feel it for a minute, then let it go. jason won't wait for an answer, he'll just--head back across the apartment towards his room. for a breather. )

i was born to hold my hands up (open)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject