i was born to hold my hands up (open)

[reneger]

Who: jason todd reneger & whoever
What: downfall event prompts ; post-event happenings
When: late july - august
Where: excelsior, central city, nyc
Content Warnings: body horror, child death, child abuse, general violence, drug overdose, suicidal idealization, etcetc



prompts in the comments because.... i can.

Comments

[batsymbol]

( this isn't worth it, he feels. to start something when he's like this and after what they'd been through before he found himself ten years old again. so, rather than try and make a statement — rather than turn on his heel and walk the other way and possibly disappear into the shadows, he takes the helmet offered to him and removes his cap before he pulls it on over his head. moving around to the back of the bike despite his small stature compared to jason's. )

[reneger]

( it's not worth it, especially because jason knows bruce can't land a hit on him right now. not if jason didn't want him to. he's small, his reach is shorter than he's used to, the strength he can throw behind it is less, and he's not accustomed to fighting when he's less than six feet tall. jason was, once. bruce didn't pick up a lot of his shit until he was a little older, far as he knows.

the corners of his lips curl up, weight leaning on the leg that's furthest from bruce as he waits for bruce to climb on. )

There's a communal gym space 'round here that the rest of us use, but I ain't sure how willing Junior is to share it with you. ( given their rocky relationship. jason would know. he's still iffy on bruce too. ) But I've got my own space closeish too.

[batsymbol]

( it takes him a little to properly climb on, given his small size now and all, but. he manages it, small hands holding to jason's jacket at the back as the helmet wobbles around on him a little. it should be fine. )

You want me to close my eyes on the way there?

( said a little sarcastically, yeah. )

[reneger]

You'll just remember the turns. Or if you don't, I'm betting you have at least a couple trackers on you that you're ready to drop an' leave behind the moment I've got my back turned.

( he hears the sarcasm, and it's cute, but it's also pointless to try and hide jack shit from bruce if he's bringing him in. bruce is too clever for that even if jason had wanted to, but he doesn't. bruce gets himself comfortable, and jason waits for him to have a good hold him before he's picking up his foot and heading off in the direction of jason's own little hideout, not the batgym. later maybe, they can head that way. for now? he's taking bruce off to the edges of central city, where jason had settled for the first couple weeks after he'd arrived. )

[batsymbol]

( he's quiet as they go, mostly keeping his head down due to the wobbly helmet for his small head, but, every now and then, he looks up — watches as things pass them by. jason might not be able to see but, underneath the helmet, he smiles a little. bruce likes riding — feels free when he does. sometimes thinks that, maybe, if he rides fast enough, he can outrun everything clawing at him from the inside. the nightmares, the trauma, the guilt, the anger. all of it. but it always catches up to him. no matter how fast he rides or how far he goes. he can't escape it.

funnily enough, small hands grip jason's jacket a little tighter — a little more excitedly as they go. seeing the city whizz past them like it is... it feels nostalgic to him. even if it's not gotham. )

[reneger]

( it's why jason prefers bikes over cars.

sure, cars are a little more well--protected, but bikes are significantly more versatile, they can go places cars can't, and jason's used to narrow city alleys where having that kind of flexibility is important. he likes the wind, too. likes feeling it around him, likes hearing the city beyond it, being able to smell it. his bike is quiet, significantly moreso than most both due to the futuristic environment it had come from and jason's own personal modifications. it means that, even when he's not wearing one of the helmets he's programmed with their own communication devices inside along with audio filters to filter out most the wind while leaving the city sounds around them, he can clearly hear cars honking, the sound of nearby engines, and everything in between.

bruce holds on tight, and jason--doesn't know how to feel about any of this. it's all so weighted, and he's got enough weight on his shoulders right now to try and unpack this, too. so he doesn't. focuses on other shit, instead. like the city going by them, the road signs, how he's in deep shit and all of this is just digging himself a bigger hole that he'll have to figure out how to climb out of later.

it's fine. he's got this. he has--people, here. people he can rely on, usually. jason sucks in a deep breath, holds it in his gut for a few moments before he slowly lets it out.

turns down another alley and slows the bike down as they approach a ratty old warehouse. )

[batsymbol]

( bruce keeps the sights in mind — presses them to his memories as they continue on their way. he doesn't know if he'll ever need to come here again, but. knowing where it is might help one day. who knows. he manipulates shadows — darkness. he doesn't see into the future.

as the bike slows, bruce peers around jason to get a better look ahead, small hands still holding tight to his jacket. tilting his head back some in an attempt to see better through the wobbly helmet, he spots the ratty looking warehouse. )

You stay here sometimes?

[reneger]

Not anymore.

( he used to, before he'd opted to instead snooze on kyle's couch. before he'd then stolen kyle's apartment and shoved him into newark so he was closer, just in case. never know when a lantern will come in handy, and kyle's--well, kyle. the bike slows to a stop, and jason twists around just enough to gently shove at bruce. get off his bike, tiny. )

Just after I got here, a couple pals an' I were working on fixing it up.

( doesn't look like much now. there's obvious signs of construction - a few patched holes, the wire going across the massive hole in the roof of one looks close enough. the kitchen looks almost usable, drag marks coming away from a corner where there had been a generator before jason had taken it elsewhere. )

[batsymbol]

( even without the gentle shove, he knows to get down and so he does, after holding tight to jason for support while doing so. once he's on the ground, he pulls off the helmet and sets it on the back of the bike, combing at his hair with his fingers some to fix the typical helmet hair that comes with riding a bike.

taking a few steps forward and away from jason, he gives another look ahead. )

Why'd you stop?

[reneger]

( bruce gets off, so jason does too. holds onto the bike by the handles and pulls it forward with them as it shuts off--it doesn't need a key, either, and instead powers down without any visible interaction. jason brings it on through the warehouse door with them, because he's not leaving it outside. )

Central's not my city, I don't need my own set up here. ( didn't really want one, given everyone else is also here. ) Drake has a safehouse, so I've got a place when I need one.

[batsymbol]

( following alongside jason, bruce looks down to his sneakers as they go. it's funny because he hasn't worn anything like sneakers in some time now, but. at this age and size, they seem the better option. he wonders what he'll do with these clothes when he's back to normal. donate them, probably.

glancing over to jason for a moment, he looks ahead again. )

Do you live in Gotham? Where you're from?

[reneger]

Sometimes.

( the bike gets parked inside the door, and jason walks himself over towards the center of the room. grabs onto the large mat that he hasn't removed yet, specifically for reasons like this, so he can kick it over onto it's side and open it up. )

Don't really live anywhere these days. I go everywhere.

[batsymbol]

( following along, he takes a look around the warehouse — watches as jason grabs the mat and begins to roll it out. )

Even here?

[reneger]

I've got a couple places here.

( with the mat rolled out, jason starts shucking off his jacket. folds it before dropping it down onto the ground beside the mat. close by enough he can grab onto it quickly if needed, far enough away none of the sharp and pointy objects stashed away are going to be a risk. )

Some used more often than others, given I've got Dickie.

[batsymbol]

( still watching jason, his gaze drops then after a moment, finding it a little difficult to keep his expressions as unreadable as they can be when he's... not ten years old. something about being this age coupled with memories of an older life on top of childhood ones that burn much brighter now... he stares hard at the floor — mulls over something and when he speaks, it's while still looking to the floor. no efforts made to remove his jacket or anything. )

Were you this age when we met? ( the age he is now, a beat. ) In Gotham?

[reneger]

( weird question, but it is enough that it gets jason to--pause for a moment and look over to bruce. looks him over, head to toe. he's seen the paintings throughout wayne manor, though they--lessen significantly after thomas and martha's deaths. he doesn't remember how small he was, not exactly. so. )

I was eleven.

( so, closeish if not exactly the same. jason steps up onto the mat, gestures for bruce to come along with him. )

But I'd been fighting since I was way younger'n you.

[batsymbol]

( standing there — lingering, when jason gestures for him to come over to the mat, he takes a moment for himself before he takes a couple steps... then stops again. standing there. this time, he looks up to jason, if he looks over to him. )

Do you think it would have been better if we never met?

[reneger]

If we hadn't met, I'd've died probably younger an' stayed dead. Or I would've ended up as another goon for someone like Penguin or Two-Face, which would've been even worse. 'cause I would've still died, but I would've caused a shitton of damage beforehand.

( he knows bruce improved his life tenfold. knows he would have ended up a lot more fucked up had he stayed in crime alley than he is now. knows bruce taught him--a lot of shit he wouldn't have gotten elsewhere. that robin was the best thing that ever happened to him, that being able to be something more than just another street rat is what made jason who he is today. he wouldn't change it.

doesn't mean he won't still bitch about it on occasion. )

[batsymbol]

( penguin he knows — he's dealt with him a couple times already. two-face... that's not a familiar name to him, but. then again, none of them were familiar names to him either.

after a moment of mulling over that, he takes to unzipping his jacket, removing it and holding it there in his hands with his cap. making his way more over to the mat, he sets them down near jason's jacket, standing then, rubbing at his neck where he still has a bandage there from jason's patching him up. )

I hope things are different if we meet in my Gotham. ( a beat. ) Better.

[reneger]

Jesus christ.

( a roll of his eyes, and jason stays just where he is, for a minute. he's got plans here, but what's more important is getting bruce to shut his stupid mouth, so he'll reconvene on--everything else here in a second. )

I'm gonna say shit, and I don't want to hear it repeated anywhere, alright? I don't wanna hear any of it come up between us again, I don't wanna hear Rayner parrot it back to me, nothing. ( he's not going to wait for bruce to respond, but he does drop down onto his knees on the mat. lowers himself so he's closer to bruce's eye level. ) I was a fucked up kid before Bruce Wayne ever got his hands on me. I didn't want help fixing any of it, I wanted to prevent it for everyone else. An' you can't make any of that different, not without taking away all the crap that makes me, myself. It was B pushing me to get help that had me running off to do crap on my own. That got me killed. I wouldn't trade meeting B for anything.

( he's thought about it--a fair amount, between the conversations with this bruce, with everything that's come up since getting here. )

Becoming his--your--son, becoming Robin, I don't regret a damn moment of it. Alright? If you want shit to be better, ( a hand raises, fingers shoving through his hair as jason lets out a breath. ) just listen.

[batsymbol]

( he does as jason asks even before he asks: listens to what he says.

there's still a sort of way to feel about knowing that jason's died at the hands of the joker — that his bruce hadn't done anything to avenge someone he considers a son of his, but. he doesn't know what he would do if it were to have happened to him. right now? he's too angry, too scarred, too full of trauma that, despite his never wanting to kill, something like that might genuinely tip him over the edge or damn near close to it. but he still doesn't like that it happened to him... that he has to carry that with him.

looking up, as his gaze has drifted downwards when jason started speaking, he eyes the other and the way he's there on his knees — eye level with him — and stares for a long moment. he gets it. they've already been through... a lot... in ways he never thought he would with someone else — someone who comes to be a son to him eventually. so, after a moment to let that sink in, he speaks then. )

Does this mean you're gonna call me dad now?

( it's said as playfully as ever and yet is somehow still delivered with that dry tone of bruce's despite his being a ten year old version of himself there. yet, even in doing so, it's obvious he's just teasing and that he gets it. )

[reneger]

Why not? You look like you could father someone in their mid twenties.

( he rarely even dads his own bruce, so nah, that's not happening. but he's not going to bring that up. jason's speech is done, he's not getting into it anymore. he doesn't want to go through the complexities of his relationship with his family when he's still sorting through it himself.

jason pulls himself back up to his feet. takes a step back. rolls his shoulders, before he's throwing bruce a grin and raising a hand up to gesture him forward. )

C'mon, tiny. You said you know how to fight, show me.

( fighting is a great coping mechanism and no one can ever convince jason otherwise. )

[batsymbol]

( that's fine by him. honestly, if any of them genuinely referred to him as dad, he probably wouldn't know what to do, let alone how to feel. he's accepted that This Is A Thing, sure. that some other version of him has taken in a number of kids as his own. he can see that — relate to that needing someone but not knowing who. for him, it was alfred, and for them, it's apparently him. but he still needs to deal with that, both here and eventually back in gotham. so all he can do is try... when he's able to. when he's not lost in his own anger, trauma, and guilt.

regardless of the moments he's had with jason thus far, it's going to be a work in progress and he's probably going to screw it up sometimes — let him down in some way.

but for now, neither of them have to worry about that. )

No weapons?

[reneger]

No one out there's gonna care what you've got on you, why should I?

( a lesson he'd picked up before bruce, but one bruce had made sure jason was ready for on multiple occasions. robin wore his weapons in plain sight: a bright yellow utility belt strapped around his waist under an equally bright yellow cape, but robin had been a distraction, and jason hadn't needed anything he'd kept in there if he'd been caught without it.

jason lowers his hands, to gesture over to himself. the almost skintight suit doesn't leave much room for weapons, though there's the two holsters on his thighs and a couple knives at his waist. the jacket's where all his real fun toys are, which is with the rest of bruce's shit. )

I ain't unarmed.

[batsymbol]

( he just doesn't want to be stabbed again. especially being so small. even if he hopes they're both past that now. )

Neither am I.

( he says that rather coolly as he stands there — takes a moment to roll his sleeves up and makes his way over to jason a little more. watching. careful. until he's right there, nearly in front of him. )

Hit me.