![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
i was born to hold my hands up (open)
Who: jason todd ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reneger & whoever
What: downfall event prompts ; post-event happenings
When: late july - august
Where: excelsior, central city, nyc
Content Warnings: body horror, child death, child abuse, general violence, drug overdose, suicidal idealization, etcetc
prompts in the comments because.... i can.
reneger & whoeverWhat: downfall event prompts ; post-event happenings
When: late july - august
Where: excelsior, central city, nyc
Content Warnings: body horror, child death, child abuse, general violence, drug overdose, suicidal idealization, etcetc
prompts in the comments because.... i can.
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( sleeper, nico, whoever else. jason hasn't been keeping close tabs on junior intentionally. he already gets jealous seeing how easily he slipped into the role of brother with the rest of their siblings. )
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Yeah. Didn't mean for it to happen but they're special.
[At the thought of Sleeper and the others, a moving shadow with yellow accents slithers around before sliding itself up to Jason and settle like loose scarf around his neck]
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they're both just like this, they're going to continue being like this, and neither of them have any intention of stopping. he could open his mouth and say something vile, he could shut his mouth, or open it and say something kind but. why the hell would he bother with that? )
Good.
( easier, more simple, less weighty. it is good. it's something that differs them, too, because jason doesn't have sleeper and nico or the rest of junior's own crew that he's built here. )
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[He remembers the names his double mentioned. Kyle, Donna, Artemis, Bizarro... It must've been worth something for someone like Jason to have support]
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( because he fucked off from kyle and donna. sure, kyle's here and they're--working together now, but jason had left them. had gone through dozens of worlds, lived through countless weird shit traveling around with them, then fucked off and left. he couldn't even tell anyone why he had, but it's--probably close to the same reason he'd fucked off on roy, too. jason todd has a tendency to get everyone around him hurt, or worse. like he had with artemis and bizzaro, who went off to fuck knows where.
he could ask tim. tim probably knows something. but tim hasn't said shit yet and jason's afraid it's because everything did fall apart, and he doesn't want to know even if he already--does. losing people hurts, and all jason seems to be able to do is lose them. he can hold on with all his strength and it does nothing, everyone always--gets hurt, gets fucked, disappears, dies. )
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[He hasn't seen much of them together but it he doesn't need to. Maybe it's the combination of detective training and literally knowing himself but he's seen enough to pick up on that]
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( kyle said he isn't trading their shit back and forth, but the fact that he was bruce's teammate first is always going to be something jason thinks about. that kyle's with him, sure, but he considers bruce a friend just as much as he considers jason--whatever they are. and people always put bruce first. )
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Guess it can never be that simple with us.
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( a roll of his shoulders, and he's--walking towards the door. doesn't know where he's going, but he's going. )
Donna's one of Dick's. Roy an' Kori are, too. Artemis and Bizzaro were the only ones who weren't someone else's first. And I let them fly into a black hole without me.
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Why? What happened?
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( it's--a summary, at least. it's not worth getting into. it's over. he should have pushed back, should have followed after her. )
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Sorry.
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( he's going down the hallway, but jason doesn't--he should remember what's down here, but he doesn't. it's blurred around the edges, memory filling it in as best as it can. )
It's on me, I don't want to hear it. Especially not from you.
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[Jason's own memory tries to fill in the blanks. Once you've lived in and squatted at enough buildings, they all just blend together into one depressing blur. Same walls with old peeling paint. Same creaky floorboards. Same dirty broken windows.]
Lucky me for not having more team-ups.
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( the hurt in his tone is--clear, ringing strong. he stops in place as the area around them does shift. the hallways turn more familiar, and instead of one of their shitty buildings they'd stayed at when they were by themselves, it's. . turning into one they'd been at a little longer. the one they'd stayed in with catherine, right up until they'd found her body. )
'cause when you're not, someone gets hurt. People do. Everyone around you gets fucked over. But you can't stay alone, 'cause you just get worse when you're off on your own. There's no right answer, everything you do breaks something in the end.
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Most people don't understand where I'm coming from anyway. So why bother? They'll bitch about it and think it's so easy to do something else.
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( they should. look at joker, look at all the shit they've seen by now. jason may have had a headstart to seeing how garbage the world is, but they all have now. he gets bruce's reasoning, he gets why he is how he is, jason's seen what happens when he shifts gears, but it's. still stupid. and jason isn't bruce, they shouldn't bitch over his own choices. )
Crippling them doesn't fix it.
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If it did, we wouldn't keep having these problems. Fewer innocent people would get hurt.
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winces at the memory, before he's turning to look directly too junior. )
You, too, huh.
( this bit of their sordid history. jason wasn't in the wrong, he knows he wasn't. it doesn't make it any--less bad. )
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[Though he knows it's not a point of pride that he made his first kill before he was even a pre-teen]
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( it's quiet, hesitant. there's a lot of shit jason lived through back then, a lot of shit he knows damn well kids still suffer through to this day. )
But it doesn't matter how many of 'em we toss in arkham, how many we kill off, there's always gonna be more.
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[It's part of how Jason can keep going with his work. It's not always about rage]
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( it's what keeps him going, too. just one more kid, just save one more person from suffering. keep one more robin from going through the same shit he went through--even if he failed that. look what happened to tim.
jason doesn't rampage around gotham because he's angry. he does it because someone has to. because if being an asshole who goes around putting down monsters saves even just one person, it's all worth it. he does it for everyone who they hadn't been able to save. for every kid out there trying their damned best to keep their mom from falling apart, even though they shouldn't have to. if killing a dealer keeps them from going around apartment blocks, if it keeps someone from trying something they shouldn't, going down the wrong path--he's done his job. )
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[It's like what he said to Bruce before. You can't stop crime, only control it. He already knew all too well how Gotham's seedy underbelly works so screw it. He can take the reins. It's more effective than what Bruce does with throwing monsters into a prison that might as well have a revolving door]
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( there's an easy smirk on his face, one that never quite meets his eyes. it's practiced, works great under a domino mask, better under the hood when only the way his voice shifts when he's grinning is even mildly audible. )
Dick's never gonna spend his afternoon with a bonesaw an' a bunch of dead seconds. Tim's never gonna rip a body to shreds just to prove a point. They've got mildly normal relationships with mildly normal people, they can befriend people an' make it last years and years. Hell, Deathstroke's capable of making and keeping buddies. We can't do that. We're not gonna be able to go out into the world and live even mildly normal lives.
( or he won't. junior's managed a day job for fuck if he knows how long, because jason doesn't want to know. he's pulled himself together enough to exist as--an actual person, out in the daylight. he has a name he uses frequently with others, has people who depend on him.
jason hates it. because he doesn't know how to do that.
was it a skill he'd lost, sometime over the last few years? when he'd traveled around with the teachers talia'd given him, he'd been a nobody. intentionally nobody, just some kid they'd punch around and show a few things to. when he came back to gotham, he took on red hood. when he left gotham and came back again, he'd--learned to be jason a little more, but not by much. in new amsterdam, he used a false identity during the day to cover his nighttime crimelording activities. and now he's here, watching junior succeed in shit where he's failed so many times before. it pisses him off.
the building shifts around them again, and they're in the cave as it stood last time jason had seen it. there's the t-rex, the massive coin, and just a little in front of them, the glass case with his old robin suit in it. jason's still giving that same little smirk. )
We're gonna pull the same old shit, an' end up mangled and dead. We'll save a few in the process, but-- ( a jerky nod of his head over to the case. ) he's gone. A stupid shit dream that blew up in our faces.
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