THE ALLIANCE EXPO

[metamods]

Who: EVERYONE
What: A crisis occurs at the Alliance Expo.
When: April 13
Where: Central City
Content Warnings: character death, loss of autonomy/self, mass destruction

THE ALLIANCE EXPO

Every April, Central City hosts a guild publicity event known as the annual Alliance Expo, ostensibly to memorialize the Godfall Incident.

Most people will have heard this major historical event referenced by now — the name is inscribed on city monuments, evoked in political debates, taught in a history class, and reimagined for movies. If not, at the Expo itself, informational booths paint a very black and white picture of how good triumphed over evil.

On April 3rd, 1985, a young metahuman named Starstruck nearly obliterated Central City. Seeing the risk of his unchecked rage unraveling reality itself, heroes and villains joined forces to stop Starstruck and save the world from its certain destruction.

In the wake of the incident, Metahuman survivors came together — not as heroes and villains, but as citizens of the planet. At this first Alliance Expo, they created the Guilds with the common goal of protecting this universe.

Since the 80s, the Expo has opened to the public. Like the Alliance itself, it has evolved (or devolved?) to be more commercialized. Nowadays, the Expo is a publicity event where vendors sell branded merchandise and knockoffs of licensed and unlicensed heroes alike.

OPENING CEREMONIES —

In the spirit of its early days, when the Expo was meant to be a point of connection for all metas, it still offers free entry to metahumans who are in costume (or whose identities/meta status are known). As with any convention, inside the crowded Central City Convention Center, attendees must wear their badges on lanyards as they navigate booths and schedules. The show floor provides curated museum-style exhibits about the Godfall Incident and other pieces of metahuman history, as well as art installations and even some branded food and merch stands that venerate the heroes who saved the day.

Of course, non-metas attend as well, but in smaller numbers. Many of them are fans of capes, who arrive dressed in dated costumes of their favorites and chat about their favorite era of a particular hero's career. Having paid for the rare opportunity to rub shoulders with their idols at this prestigious event, they may overwhelm new heroes with requests for autographs or comments (or critiques!) about their wardrobe. In addition to fans, meta attendees may run into investors sidling up to heroes with hopes of getting in on the ground floor to make a mascot of the next big hero under the guise of altruism.

A speech from Frances Starling kickstarts the opening ceremonies. Following her scathing, undisguised criticism for the commercialization of a tragic event (and reference to the particular surprises it posed to its stakeholders), she acknowledges that she feels an obligation to be here. She devotes most of her speech to addressing the new Confluence-created metas about the danger that comes with being a metahuman and a citizen of this world, emphasizing that no meta is obligated to throw themselves headlong into danger. Metahumans, she says, deserve the chance to live a quiet, modest life as much as anyone else.

The dazzling display that follows is anything but modest. The Expo's opening ceremonies continue apace with indoor fireworks, a hologram movie, and a band with a lightshow. In addition, new metas get the chance to perform in a variety of ways:

• The Alliance's staffers are more than happy to facilitate any talented metas who wish to show off their skills during the ostentatious opening ceremonies.



• Some time later, new Alliance heroes are ushered onstage to debut their hero identities to the world. An announcer excitedly reads code names as facilitators nudge the new heroes onto the stage to parade around the catwalk and show off their costumes and gadgetry. Stars explode around them, and time is made for anyone who wants to give a little speech.



• The Expo has also pre-arranged a dramatic performance with the new guild members: just as the new Alliance heroes make their debut, new Society members arrive to "crash" the celebration and cause mischief. In the loose scripting that prepared participants for the event in advance, staffers encourage them to ham it up and mug for the cameras. Some may have pre-arranged choreography — of their own, or at the behest of the Alliance's marketing team. For playing along and making the heroes look good, Society members will be rewarded handsomely ... off the record, of course.

THE SIMULATION —

Squat in the center of the show floor is this year’s big draw: a virtual-reality simulation recreating the Godfall Event, developed using the memories of witnesses and edited for gamification. According to the brochures, it's part training exercise and part memorial for all the superheroes who fell against Starstruck.

The marketing team of the Alliance clearly had a field day. Programmed using state of the art Winters Industries technology, the simulation allows anyone to step into the role of a hero and relive the Godfall Incident — or at least, a heavily sanitized version of it. Even the marketing team recognizes that it would be upsetting to faithfully recreate the carnage of that day and market it to the world. Though it claims to be recreated from the memories of those who lived it, the introductory cutscene provides a more palatable version that plays out like a Saturday morning cartoon:

You are a hero of the 1980s. The costumes are bright and colorful, the hair enormous and flowing. The hues of the simulation are oversaturated and vaguely psychedelic. You may find yourself delivering bombastic, alliterative catchphrases or striking dramatic poses for no particular reason. It’s fun! Just go with it!

At the center of all of this, Starstruck destroys (random, and of course) unoccupied buildings with his energy blast powers. A classic 1980s cartoon villain, his hair is the biggest and the pointiest, and he’s wearing spikes and eyeliner. The VR replica doesn't quite match the brochures outside, but it’s close enough, right? As soon as he spots heroes approaching, Starstruck stops destroying (random and, of course, unoccupied) buildings to monologue at length, cackling about his plans to destroy the world and how you heroes can do nothing to stop him! This is a VR game, not just a cutscene — participants can interact with Starstruck. Go on! Walk up and punch him mid-speech!

Any attack will start the battle in earnest. As promised, this is just a silly sort of beat-em-up game. Starstruck has several different patterns of energy attack, which he’ll mix up some. In his second phase — indicated by him getting angry and glowing red — he whips out some larger attacks, but he’s never too difficult to defeat. You came in here to play a fun game, maybe try out some new powers, and ultimately feel like heroes, and that’s what the game is going to deliver.

You know. Probably.

Notably, Atomight appears to be perturbed by all of this. The hero does not stay on the show floor long, excusing himself curtly after the simulation is announced. Any who linger too close to Conference Room C may hear an explosive argument between the leader of the Alliance and the head of marketing. It seems that Atomight painted a very different picture of what this event would be, and the marketing team of the Alliance ran wild without the input of its chair. He returns to the event, though. Obligation keeps him rooted here, unhappy but unwilling to abandon the dream that founded this.

A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX —

As everyone is distracted by the glitz and glam the Expo offers, no one notices as someone makes their way to the simulator’s core console and slip a USB into the drive.

Inside the simulation, something subtly shifts. The bright colors dull to something more realistic. The punches and kicks lose their sound effects. The screen tears briefly as the simulation splits, duplicating itself into multiple instances. Then it all goes dark.

When the lights come back on, participants stand in the midst of a mostly destroyed Central City. A massive column of light shines in the center of the city, so bright it hurts to look at. The air sears your lungs. People scream, racing away from the slowly expanding field of energy, leveling buildings as it goes.

At the epicenter stands Starstruck, and the energy that is destroying the city is radiating out of his form. However, on closer inspection, he's changed too. This is no longer some over-the-top, dramatic villain. This is a teenage boy, looking terrified, alone, and unstoppable.

And you know he can’t stop.

He wants to, you can tell he does, but he can’t.

So you need to stop him.

It’s no wonder Atomight didn't want this celebrated.

You struggle to remember that this is a simulation - for some, the thought may slip away entirely. It feels real enough. Hero, villain, unaligned — however you think of yourself doesn’t matter. You’re standing shoulder to shoulder with friends, lovers, and enemies to do the unthinkable. Some of you may be freshly sprung from the maximum security metahuman jail. Some may have bolted away from parents, donning makeshift costumes, knowing that this may very well be your last stand. Others still may be in plainclothes, your metahuman status hidden to the world until this exact moment.

While some participants may retain their own values and minds others can be compelled by the AI of the hero role they're placed into in any of the following ways:

• TURN AWAY AND RESCUE CIVILIANS — Some heroes can't face the moral quandary posed by Starstruck's fall. Maybe you leave the hard choices to others and focus on what you can do and who you can save.



• CONVINCE OTHERS TO TRY TO REACH STARSTRUCK (OR DO IT YOURSELF) — If you've taken on the role of one of Starstruck's teammates, you may stand between your friend and the adult heroes trying to take him down. You're driven by the sense that if you could just get within earshot and talk to him, you could reach your friend and calm this whole thing down.



• FIGHT THROUGH YOUR FRIENDS TO STOP THE VILLAIN — Those in the position of grizzled heroes or cynical villains may believe the situation is well past something that words can solve. You've seen the reports, and you know you have less than an hour to stop this kid from destroying the planet. You’ve weighed his life against the billions on the planet and have made your choice, no matter how much it sickens you to do so. And now you have to snuff out this child’s terrible light, even if you have to fight your way through your own loved ones to do it.
  
  
• DESTROY THE WORLD? — Especially unlucky participants may get shuffled into Starstruck's AI and stand as the harbinger of this apocalypse, right at the epicenter of the blast.
  
  His emotional state — your emotional state — swings wildly between anger, horror, grief, and regret. But one thing is clear: he never wanted this. And neither did you. Loss weighs heavily on you, dragging up your own dark feelings and memories of loss, inadequacy, pain. It assails the senses and doubles you over. As the darkness encroaches, the energy around you pulses and expands further.
  
  You can't hold the energy in; your powers are out of control. Will you ask someone to end it — and you with it? Or will you decide that if you have to die, the world should go with you? Or maybe your friends can find the right words to talk you down, miraculously saving you from your own might.

OUTSIDE

It takes time to notice. At first, the party continues apace — until alarms blare. The technicians and technopaths stop what they’re doing and run for the simulation room. Those who run after them and can read the monitor data can't quite determine what exactly has gone awry — but on thing is clear: the participants aren't responding to reality, and many seem to be in genuine distress.

The technicians are also distressed as they declare that the simulation can't be shut down. Pulling the power could cause serious damage to those still inside — the safety protocols, after all, also rely on that power, and people inside are throwing around attacks that could seriously injure each other if they weren’t safely within a VR space.

Those on the outside can work to save the trapped participants:

• Can you help the technicians diagnose the problem?


• Can you convince them that you should go in and pull people out yourself like in Sunset Falls? Careful - that might not exactly work the way you expect, but it’ll be easy to slip past the distracted workers if you really want to try.


• Maybe you want to investigate what triggered the failing in the first place and go for the convention center's security footage, which reveals the masked figure with the USB. How will you track them down?


• Got another plan? To pursue these and other options, please collaborate with other players to develop a plan and pitch your approach to the mods HERE.

AFTERMATH —

Maybe you defeat Starstruck, or whatever unlucky person happened to be playing him today. Maybe you somehow manage to talk them down this time. Maybe you stood by and let him destroy everything, unwilling to sacrifice one life for millions. One way or another, thanks to the work of those outside, the simulation reaches its end.

For those emerging from the simulation, the VR Hall comes back into focus. Medical staff run inside — mercifully, the safeties didn’t fail. As real as it all felt, no matter what powers were being thrown around, no one comes out physically hurt. After a brief check-up to ensure that there’s no lingering side-effects, the healers and medics determined that any scarring you’ll walk away with on this day is all mental.

Those who return to enjoy the rest of the Expo will find the mood sobered. However, plenty of vendors still need to offload their wares, and plenty of attendees want their money's worth. Nothing even really happened, right? Just a glitch? In spite of all you’ve just seen and felt, the Expo kicks back into full swing pretty quickly after the situation’s resolved, as if nothing even really happened.

The booths and informational posters with their shiny, marketable version of the Godfall Incident are still firmly in place. Knowing what you know now, can you really rejoin the party...?

Not wanting any negative PR, the Expo organizers are offering everyone involved in the VR incident a free goodie bag of convention swag! Enjoy your branded lanyards and tea cozies. If that isn’t enough, they may be able to slip you a little hush money.

IN SUMMARY...

• The Alliance Expo is part job conference, part tech conference, and part comic-con, and all metahumans attend for free. New guild heroes and villains will be publicly introduced.


• While operating as intended, expo attendees can relive a light-hearted, propaganda version of the Godfall Event via VR simulation, where participants step into the shoes of a real hero who existed during this time to experience a light-hearted, Saturday morning cartoon version of events.


• After someone sabotages the simulation, the simulation becomes realistic recreation of the Godfall Event. Participants may be overwhelmed by the programmed AI's memories and motives, and can take the role of either any hero or of Starstruck himself, a terrified teenager who lost control of his powers.


• The simulation runs multiple simultaneous instances, so multiple characters can take on the role of Starstruck or the role of his savior and/or killer.


• Those outside the simulation can work together to investigate or fix the crisis. To pursue these and other options, players should use the OOC community to collaborate and develop a plan to pitch to the mods HERE.

Please direct any questions regarding this log HERE.

Comments

[helpdesk_hero]

"I don't want that future," David whispered, pulling his legs up against his chest. "The one where I can sacrifice countless lives for 'order'. Every life should have value. And yes, sometimes you have to make the hard call. But it was so easy do to it in there."

So easy for Thunderclap, so easy for... him?

"I don't even know if it was his choice or mine. I can't... I can't find the line of where his mind ended and mine started. But he didn't care about the kid, didn't even care to let him try."

[portolan]

"Love, if you don't want it, then it won't come to pass. And weighing ending one life to save a town is not the same as genocide."

Where the line between them was, he didn't know.

"Thunderclap didn't want to let Nolan try," he says. Quieter. This part is harder. It's raw and it hurts and the other voices get louder as he prods at the fresh memory. "But you didn't want him to hurt me. I know how hard it was to assert control over the avatars, David. You were being protective."

[helpdesk_hero]

Where does that math end, David wants to ask. When does it stop being a fair balance? Two people for a city. A hundred? A thousand? He doesn't know, and he hates that he would balance things out carefully for this, that he'd do his best to try and find the greatest value.

Human lives in terms of value. He hates it.

"I could... It was so hard, Balthier. HE was in my mind and I was just... I was his. I couldn't do anything."

[portolan]

Countless hours of his life have been lost in that very argument. Round and round, no answer to be found. It was why he left, to avoid having the blood of decision on his hand.

And then his mother's city burned. Was that not on his hands?

"I know," he says. "Scions, I know. I couldn't either. I couldn't make Nolan run, or make him send you to safety. I couldn't use his power to help. And I'm not even sure what I'd have done if I could. I -- controlling people for their own good is terrible. But not acting, not leading when you can do something -- isn't that worse?"

[helpdesk_hero]

Balthier had run from the question. David's problem was that he didn't run from it. He did the math, made the decision, and acted. Perhaps that was darker. Perhaps it wasn't.

"I know a lot of telepaths. People who can force decisions the way they want it. It's hard to think about, how to figure out what is and isn't okay."

[portolan]

"It's not just telepaths," Balthier says. There's a bite of coldness, almost laughter to it. "I have a silver tongue, David. I can convince people to listen to me. I do, constantly. It's something I built, not some thing I was given that I had to learn to live with. I did all of this."

The words are tumbling out and he hates it. But he also can't stop. It's like he's poked a hole in a an overstuffed container and now the pressure is rushing to reach equilibrium.

That's too much to escape, he knows. He tries to pull it back.

"I don't -- yes. It's hard. Impossible to figure out the line. We just have to keep examining it. Be open to being wrong and give ourselves grace to get correct."

Because if not, then there's no hope for him. He's still Ffamran. He's still a coward and a liar and he doesn't deserve love and all of those things will always be true.

[helpdesk_hero]

Yeah, a silver tongue can do that, he knows it. That's a lot of how people turned even reasonable folk against his species. But that doesn't mean he thinks it's as easy as Balthier says it is.

"A silver tongue is something that is only dangerous when you intend to do something bad with it, Balthier. And you've got a good mind. A good heart. And a fucking serious set of morals. I don't believe you'd do something wrong with it. Why would you ever do that?"

Because David? He thinks he'd do things for people's own good.

[portolan]

Those words are meant to reassure. He knows that. But all he can hear is how fully David has bought into this construct, this character, this person who is heroic and just and good and not even real.

And if that's who David loves, then Balthier knows he's going to lose him. If that's more Ffamran than Balthier talking, well, he's not in a place to catch it.

He does, at least, look up to meet David's gaze. Tears hover in his eyes, and his low voice cracks as he speaks. "Of course I've done bad things. I told you before, I'm a coward."

[helpdesk_hero]

What? David looks at him in confusion. What's with the tears? he doesn't understand. Worse, he wants to reach out, to embrace his lover, but he can't risk it.

"That's not what I meant. I don't think you're flawless, Balthier. You're a lot of things, but no one is perfect. And there's nothing wrong with corwardice. There are far more people in the worlds who are cowards than aren't. Don't even go there."

Dammit, why would he ever believe that? How does David fix this?

"I've done bad things too, Balthier. Plenty of them. But that doesn't mean we're bad people. What we are as a person comes down to our heart, and a decision to be the best we can."

[portolan]

"There is when the cost of your cowardice falls on other people."

The heels of his hands come up to his eyes, whether to stop the tears or to try to blot out the memories he doesn't know. Cid's dead gaze is in his mind. And Thorin's face, pleading with him. And his mother's, the fuzzy pieces of memory he has left. The absolute desolation at Nabudis. The scores of refugees and and widowed spouses and orphans in the wake of the war.

If he had any better control of himself, he would smugly point out that David is now making the same argument he was just moments before. As it is, he doesn't even notice.

[helpdesk_hero]

"No," David says, finally reaching out. He can't take it anymore. His hand luckily only settles on a sleeve, and yeah, he needs a moment in the wave of memories he can't keep back from it, before he speaks.

"No, valuing your own life isn't wrong, Balthier. Valuing those lives precious to you isn't wrong either. Yes, stepping aside from that to protect others is a noble thing, but you aren't evil. You need to know that. If you were that evil, that dark, I wouldn't love you."

[portolan]

He knows what it costs David to touch him right now and he hates himself for it. He shouldn’t be taking this space, making this about him. But now that the spiral has started, kept so carefully packed away for months now, he can’t seem to stop it.

“I had the power to do something. The resources. The access. And I ran. And while things were getting worse I looked the other way, convinced others to look away. A whole city evaporated, David. A war that destroyed thousands of lives.”

[helpdesk_hero]

"You had the illusion of power, of resources, of access," David counters, because he's sure of it. If he'd had true power, then he would have set things changing. "One man can start a war, but one man cannot prevent one. Trust me. I've seen it so very many times."

Even assassinating someone starting a war didn't end it, because by the time they were truly starting one, the pieces were already falling. It took more than some rich kid to stop it. And David...

"Trust me, I know. I've lived a life where I did that. Did worse than that. I conquered almost my whole world in that life, Balthier. Played that it was democracy, but the people that wouldn't fall in line, I dealt with. For their own good, I said. For the sake of the world. For a better future."

[portolan]

“I wasn’t just a rich kid. My father pulled political favors and got me appointed as a Judge. I was on the damned war council. I knew what was going to happen. I could have leaked it. I could have sent warnings. And when he ordered me to execute my best friend’s family I didn’t do anything to stop it. I pleaded. I cried. But I didn’t do anything. All that god damned power and I just wept.

“And then I ran away. Decided none of it was my responsibility. Changed my name — Balthier isn’t even real. He’s the person I wanted to be. I made him up. Spent my years chasing shiny things from romantic stories that didn’t matter. I knew my father was researching new weapons. Ignored it. Convinced other people to ignore it. Still didn’t spread what I knew from the council. Then my father destroyed my mother’s city. Maybe I couldn’t have stopped a war but I could have stopped a lot of pain. You and Nolan and Thunderclap — you all have the will to act, always. Even in your story, you were trying to build something better. I just run.”

His voice is weak and some of the tears have made it silently to his face. He learned not to make sound when he cried a long time ago and he hates that anything leaks out now. He knows David’s story is a thousand times heavier than his own, that he’s just crying poor me for problems he’s created himself, but he can’t stop.

“I’m sorry,” he says weakly. “I always make things about myself.” That’s why he doesn’t talk about himself.

[helpdesk_hero]

David recognizes that Balthier is pulling back from the sharing he needs to do, but it's hard to chide the man when his head is still spinning, when all of his body screams from all he's gone through this day. But to not meet what he's been told with responses would be worse. It would ruin just about everything, wouldn't it?

"How old were you?" he asks. It seems the best place to start."

[portolan]

"It doesn't matter," he says. And then he sighs at himself, because he's aware he's just let out a lot of things he didn't mean to when David is already low. All of this is a mess and he's doing a poor job of helping anything. "Sixteen." He hesitates then, "Same as Nolan. I think--I think that's why it's overwhelming me. I couldn't--he and Ffamran and Balthier were all mixed together. I can't--I keep feeling like I'm there again. That I'm still Ffamran. That I never got out."

[helpdesk_hero]

Ffamran. The name is quietly tucked away in a corner of David's mind. Not many people's inner child, the echo of their past that in some ways represented the ways the adult was unkind to their own history, had their own name. Their own identity. It could, for all he knew count as a true dead-name, and he would avoid using it. But perhaps one day Balthier would need to hear it said in love and support, and David needed to know it then.

"Sixteen is quite young for the weight of the world on your shoulders, Balthier. Far too young. Who is to say that someone would have taken you seriously, status or otherwise? Or that word of what was planned would have done anything beyond bring the war earlier? But here I don't see that youth before me. I see a strong man, one who went through a great weight. Who already told me he ended up helping another fight for humanity itself, fight for the freedom of your lives. And these demon-like things you mentioned, the ones that shaped your father, that manipulated your world, do you think you're more responsible than they were?"

Yes, Balthier had been in the game, but it wasn't as a player. He'd been a piece on the board. And that? That's crushing.

"Can you even begin to fathom what you would have had to do to stop those people? Yes, speaking up would have been better, but it wasn't the only path. You were thrown in over your head."

[portolan]

Truly he had only been a piece. That was helpless, and he's never stopped blaming himself for not becoming a player. Some day, hearing someone tell Ffamran that it's alright, that he's loved, is probably something he needs.

But that's going to be difficult, because he's never talked to anyone about any of this except Fran. And Wilhere, but he doesn't want to think about that. Fran, though, she'd said similar things. That's at once soothing and horribly painful. He misses her.

"You're right," he sighs. He half-means it, and the other half of him just wants to close this jar again. "But that doesn't mean anything to the people who died."

No, he's not going to do that. He shakes his head, like he can shake this off. "I'm sorry -- I'm stuck in old thoughts. I appreciate you pointing out where my logic is flawed." Even if it doesn't take away the guilt. His father had Venat driving him; what's his own excuse?

And here he is, still needing attention when there are bigger things afoot.

[helpdesk_hero]

"You we're a piece on the board, Balthier. Not the hand moving them. You would not have been able to jar the wheel of fate from its course. I am sorry, but you were just a kid," he insisted. "And one day, if you work hard enough, maybe you will be able to see it."

It's so tiring to hear it all, to protect the other, but he has to. Even when he is shaking before his own fears. But Balthier's matter more than the age old ones that beat still in his heart of hearts.

"Do you believe I am a good person, Balthier?"

[portolan]

Another cold laugh at that. If he works hard enough. That's all he's been doing for seven years, no, since he was a boy.

But he feels a little better. Not soothed, just less pressure boiling inside him. He can't quite manage to say it. The shame of having been so needy, of either having been terrible or having been dramatic in thinking it, still hovers there, and he doesn't want to take any more from David. He sees that shake. Sees that exhaustion.

Maybe some day he'll be able to process that David wants to hear him. Even when things are hard.

Today, David's comment is a blessed change of focus. "Of course I do," he says before David even gets his name out.

[helpdesk_hero]

Today David doesn't have it in him to push, to demand, to explain that without that openness and giving two ways he can't even begin to do this long term.

It's the fatigue and the pain and the recognizing genuine fear and grief. For now he can do only so much so he lets it go and his question is out there. The words Balthier says, so quick, makes him laugh, bitterly.

"You have more faith in me than I do. I think... I think maybe I'm not. You can't even imagine all the various paths of my life I have seen. All the darkness. I think I'm predisposed toward it. That light you praise me for? It distanced me from people. It makes me harsher. I assume people need my guidance. Just look at what I did to Josh. Any of the things I've caused to befall him, in many different realities and lifetimes."

[portolan]

He finally takes a moment to pause. Maybe he has the advantage, because he's comforted David before. He also, at the end of the day, has less running through his head. He could just argue David's points. But there's something deeper there.

"People do need your guidance. They just need to be part of the conversation too. And you have to listen to back. If I'm supposed to believe I'm good because you tell me, then you have to believe me when I say it to you. Otherwise we aren't equals. How can we love you properly if our word is always ranked second? How can we believe your compliments if we are always wrong when it comes to you?"

Well, he's being a font of love and warmth today.

"Maybe that's what love is; seeing what the other is when they're bent on slandering themselves."

[helpdesk_hero]

Oh. Oh dear. David's the one in tears. But it's because he's been moved to them. He can't be moved to find words, not when he's crying over all of this. Loved, even when he's slandering himself.

His heart is aching.

"You'd love a man who knows what it is to murder his best friend with his own hands? To experiment on him and take him apart?"

[portolan]

His fingers dig so hard into his own flesh he may well split it beneath his nails. It’s agony not to be able to hold David, and worse, that resisting doing so is making him want to pull away emotionally too.

The tears, he hopes, are some level of relief because at least he isn’t protesting anymore.

“I love a man who has to carry that with him and hurts over it,” Balthier says in the gentlest, most soothing voice he can muster. “That’s good enough for me.”

He cannot imagine doing that to Fran, but he can fathom some terrible situation that would force it on him, and how horrific it would be to live with that. David still has to learn to trust him, to accept his love, but he’s understanding a little better why it’s so hard for him.

[helpdesk_hero]

When David goes evil, he does it on grand scales. Helped that he cured cancer and just about all other illness with that. One life for billions. It had made sense. A lot of sense. He hated that it made sense.

"This is it. This is why you are so amazing. You forgive me, even the things I can't forgive myself for."