( OPEN ) it's like i'm looking down

[ikols]

Who: loki ikols
What: those who contacted loki about wanting to figure out their universal designation via his new spell are undergoing it
When: [sliding timeline]
Where: central city park & other locations
Content Warnings: tba

[ Away from others in a pleasant little aesthetically cultivated grove, Loki has draped his coat over a boulder and has his sleeves rolled up as he awaits those with appointments to undergo his new spell. He warned them of the unpleasant side-effects (re-living the best and worst moments of their life) and he has a little bag stuffed with pain-killers, bottles of water, tissues, chocolate biscuits for sugar crashers??? He doesn't know how some may react but assumes that anyone who knows what they might experience feels it is a price worth paying to learn their universal designation.

When you arrive, he hitches up a smile and beckons you over under the dappled sunlight. ]

There you are!

Comments

[ikols]

[ A slow-moving vortex of green smoke, littered with lime-bright runes, starts to encircle Peter and wind it's way up his body. Loki's lips twitch as he catches his eye and he raises a quelling brow. ]

No, love. Just replay the best moments of your life, over and over, until I ask you to stop. You can close your eyes.

[kindofamazing]

[Peter's expression betrays a wordless 'oh, okay, okay!' before he tries again to focus. Focus...

It's tricky to start with, Peter's mind being a place that typically runs in several different directions at once, but he does start to reel it in and play through some happier times.

Some are just snippets, fractions of childhood too brief and fleeting to form full images, but there are moments like holding his mother's hand and hugging his father's legs, that sort of thing, all from when he was very small.

And there are moments with May and Ben. There are a lot more of them. Small domestic non-moments in time. Dipping a finger in cake batter and getting swatted at with a towel. Putting up ugly holiday lights and trying to find the one damn bulb that had blown and broken the whole circuit. Bringing home science trophies--those start to blur into each other until they end up in a carboard box in the basement. It's popsicles in oppressively hot Queens summers.

And it's friendships too. Making friends with Harry when they were in Middle school, ribbing him over designer clothes and sunglasses and other incredibly stupid boyish jokes.

And of course, there's Gwen. All the caught glances and teenage butterflies. The jokes and the tenderness.

Loki certainly hasn't indicated that his mind should shift direction yet, but the memories of Gwen, even the happiest ones, are bitter-sweet as they cross his mind. It's unavoidable, impossible to just block his mind and emotions off from knowing where the story ends. It's not unbearable, not hard to handle like it was only a few months ago, he just can't turn off the sadness and regret creeping in at the edges, even after making his peace with it all.]

[ikols]

[ Tendrils of green magic start to connect with Peter, his arms and legs, his head. They web out, an effect slightly different to the other times Loki has seen this happen to people, and after a couple of minutes something interesting happens: he would usually ask the person to think of sadder times and then new tendrils would start to connect, but the greenish webbing pattern seems to create thicker, stronger branches from the vortex to Peter already.

On brand, he wryly supposes. ]

Okay, Peter, that's good. Now think of times you were unhappy. Replay these moments.

[ The spell makes the memories stronger like a VR game, immersing Peter more fully in his thoughts so he can re-live them and add more connections to the vortex. ]

cw: just... all the sad spidey things. Lots of death of loved ones and all that jazz

[kindofamazing]

[Loki's voice winds through Peter's mind like a tether, keeping him grounded in what they're doing and why they're doing it. It makes the steady shift toward thinking of memories and starting to re-experience them feel like wading out toward them rather than falling in. He knows what he's doing and why he's doing it.

Things are a little less linear in his mind compared to the happy memories though which grew up with him.

This time, it's the death of Gwen's father. The hurt through all of that. Trying to push her away. Trying to refuse her. Trying to stay away. And then it's edging toward--

Nope, not there yet. Instead it's Harry suddenly leaving as they graduate Middle school. His best friend just up and gone and there's nothing he can do about it.

It's his parents leaving when he was a child, knowing they walked out the door of May and Ben's place and never seeing them again.

Which bounces him to the argument he had with Ben in the hallway, hurling angry, hurt words at the man who ultimately raised him and he loved so deeply. Words he hadn't meant and couldn't take back.

And it's blood pouring from Ben's chest beneath Peter's fingers, a flow he can't stop and there are tears rolling down his face and salt in his mouth and his ears are ringing. May's face flashes up briefly--the sleepless nights and grief etched into her lovely, soft face. And it's his fault. It's all his fault.

Then it's silent. Dead silent. Everything falling in slow motion and at the speed of light at the same time. And he's reaching, desperate and determined, nothing else matters except reaching Gwen as she falls beneath him, arms flailing, eyes wide, with nothing to grab.

The sound of bones cracking in that moment sound as loud as thunder and soft as barely a whisper.

And it replays. Over and over and over. Just like Loki has asked.

Outwardly, it makes Peter's body tremble, like he's holding himself together from folding inward. And he does manage it, though probably just barely. Nothing stops the tears though--they just fall right down the curve of his face, managing to squeeze through firmly closed eyelids.]

[ikols]

[ Loki has hurt people before. Countless victims, accidental and ... not. He can work from an objective mindset while the spell is completing, the stance of his subject bowing as Peter's shoulders slump with the pain of memories ... just a few more, Loki reminds himself, just moments more. Peter would want this to be worth the pain. It isn't until the last green number floats off the waning spell that Loki steps forward to wrap an arm around Peter and one cups the back of his neck, swiftly supporting him once the enchantment is finished.

Then he lets himself feel all the worry and guilt at once, hushing Peter with murmurs in his hair. His Asgardian strength lets him bear up his spider's weight. ]

Peter ... Peter, look.

[ Twinkling a couple of feet above Peter's head is the glimmering green designation: Earth-120703. ]

[kindofamazing]

[The utter realness of Loki suddenly being there is like surfacing for air after being underwater too long. It's a crashing sensation of endorphins and emotion and heaving breath. And it's not pretty like the movies--it's all red-tinted eyes and spittle and a humiliating amount of other fluids all in the general face area that Peter at least has the wherewithal to plant his hand over as a few skeleton-shaking sobs rock through him.

His free arm snatches around Loki's waist like he's the only piece of land as far as the eye can see as he just hugs his boyfriend close and waits out the waves of hurt.

It's awful, yes, and it hurts, sure, but it's not like before. Not like how it used to find him in the dead of night alone in New York city. It's different now, still painful but it's far more bearable, possible to carry. He can hear and feel and smell Loki there, a stable pillar in all of this and Peter doesn't, not for a second, blame him for this.

And it takes him a few long moments, letting the hiccups subside and the memories return to his mind rather than all around him, and then Peter can finally peel back a short way from Loki's intensely comforting shoulder to see the string of numbers twinkling overhead.]

Huh. Would'ya look at that.

[Okay, so he sounds a little hollow, but that's to be expected, right? Initially, he's not sure how to feel about this, since it's just a string of numbers that doesn't feel like it has much to do with him, but the longer he stares at it and feels the sequence absorb into his brain the more his thoughts start to clear.]

That's... That's my earth. That's the earth I'm from.

[He starts nodding slowly, still processing this information, but at least he is processing it, bit by bit.]

[ikols]

[ It's okay, I've got you, I'm here, a litany of reassurances as Peter remembers how to breathe without hyperventilating through wet hiccups. Loki slides his hand free of Peter's hair to take a photo of the designation before it starts to slowly fade at the rate of Peter's recovery. ]

That's you. You did it.

[ Proud of him, he kisses Peter's cheek. His hand smooths up and down Peter's back, solid and steady. ]

I think it's an early pizza night, don't you? With an old movie and both of us in bed.

[ Giving Peter's nerves time to naturally calm. ]

[kindofamazing]

I told little Peter that the standard pizza toppings on my earth was pineapple and anchovies.

[Well, at least he's not so shaken he can't blurt stupid shit at Loki as he rubs his wet, tired eyes with one hand, finger and thumb squeezing in real tight while the other arm absolutely refuses to release the Asardian even by a fraction.]

Smart kid. Didn't buy it for a second. Just as well, otherwise I'd have to really commit and actually order one and eat it on principle.

[A little bit of avoidant waffling never hurt anyone, right?]

Bed. Pizza. Ice cream. Lots of blankets. Few clothes. Many cuddles.

[And a long, heavy exhale.]

... We did it, huh?

[ikols]

[ Smiling softly as Peter rambles his way back to feeling better, Loki rains kisses down on his hair and ear, cuddling him close in the sunny grove. It feels like birdsong has returned and the rustle of the trees around them. ]

You did it, mightily well I might add. Your connections to the spell manifested as webs, like you were in a cocoon. Very appropriate, super cool.

[ Loki opens a portal next to then, one directly into their apartment. ]

For doing so well, this special Loki-taxi gets you home in five seconds or less.

[kindofamazing]

[In the grand scheme of everything, Peter doesn't really feel like he's done a whole lot in this. After all, Loki was doing the magic, he just had to focus and think. It's not to say he's entirely discounting himself, just that he definitely views this as a team effort.]

Do they normally manifest as something else? Am I spider-y even in magical terms? That's weird. Is that weird? It... feels like it should be weird.

[Like portals. Those are definitely magic-y and weird, but he shuffles his way through with no small amount of gratitude; everyone knows that crying in public feeling. It sucks!]

[ikols]

It's as if you have the powers of a spider or something, very curious.

[ He rubs his back as they step into home, stealing another kiss that lingers once the portal is closed and the world returns a quiet, simple living room. He frames Peter's face in his hands, thumbs gliding under his eyes as Loki plants another kiss between them, still seeing the deep-set frown and pain from before. ]

Are you okay?

[kindofamazing]

[Peter opens and closes his mouth a few times, gearing up for a protest that he's struggling to find the proper approach until he settles, unconvincingly on--]

I got bitten by a spider, but I wouldn't call it, like, my spirit animal or anything.

[It's mostly muttered against Loki's lips, quiet and soft and only once their lips are at least a little ways apart again.]

And me? Yeah. I'm fine. Definitely fine. All good. Ffff, I mean, look at me! No big deal!

[Maybe a bit too many reassurances there...]

[ikols]

I'm stepping out of my purview as the God of Lies for a second to say okay, I believe you.

[ He smiles softly and leads Peter into the apartment. ]

Have a hot shower to wash off the magic, you'll feel better. I'll order the pizza, dear.

[kindofamazing]

[It can be a tiny open secret between them, even if it's mostly true. Or it will be, in time. With closeness and pizza.

Peter casually drops his weight into his feet, locking himself in place on the floor in the middle of the apartment with his fingers hanging loosely in Loki's as he leanssss back at what doesn't look like a very comfortable angle but is fully possible with spider-ankles.]

It's a big shower.

[He sways Loki's arm side to side a few times, head tilted downward slightly to look at his boyfriend with a careful, contemplative stare and a faint ghost of a smile on his lips.]

And if I'm left alone I'll probably start singing LeAnn Rimes thinking no-one else can really hear it, but we both know it'll just... echo right around this place so bad that even the pizza guy will hear while you're making that call. Think of the pizza guy, Loki. He doesn't deserve that.

[ikols]

[ It's an unexpected invitation on the heels of Peter bawling about Gwen Stacy but Loki isn't going to deny him what he needs, and if the distraction is sharing a shower then so be it. He gives him a curious, assessing look for a moment before stepping back in close, nose to nose. His hands drift free of Peter's to glide down his abs and hips, drawing idle circles on the tops of his thighs where Loki's arms reach. ]

I would never inconvenience the pizza guy.

[ The smile that touches his eyes melts the kiss he shares with Peter, slow and deep with a measured sense of heated longing. Confidence, too, that he can use his skills on a showering Peter to make him forget their afternoon spent spellworking.

He lips his way over Peter's jaw, kisses pecking warm-wet where Loki nuzzles. ]

Pizza can be dessert, I think I would like you in my mouth first.

[kindofamazing]

[Feelings are always complicated, getting swept up and crashing into others, coming into contact with off moods or bad days, getting deflected toward the wrong things and twisted away from what they're really about.

Peter has grappled with those sensations for a long time, fluctuated between agonising numbness and hurt that he hasn't known what to do with.

If there had been any other context for what he revisited today, Peter wouldn't be anywhere close to one piece. It would have been too much to bear, something that had been a thousand tiny cuts splitting open and an undoing of self that would be at his limit.

It could be argued that every step has been a journey for Peter, right from childhood to now, but to him the direction he's been headed has veered off drastically in very recent times and in very specific places. It's what makes what has happened cathartic rather than devastating.

And that change of direction has everything to do with someone taking his hand and leading him down a highly unexpected road, the same person he's still lingering with in the middle of the apartment, with tricksy, excellent hands and the most stunning smile that Peter knows full well he'd move mountains for just to see a glimpse of.

It's so easy to just draw his arms around Loki too, envelop him and take in that kiss only to return it with in equal measure and just sigh deeply before it gets wrapped into an almost pained whimper purely from the suggestion Loki plants in his mind with such carefully deployed words. Silver-tongued indeed.]

I think that'd look good on you. [He starts to straighten himself up, slowly pushing upright and inward toward Loki followed by a few purposeful forward steps to walk him backward.] All slick and wet and looking up at me. Sure hope you're not expecting that dessert any time soon, 'cause--[He makes a face of faux regret, a small shake of his head as he sucks air through his teeth.] Yeaaaah, I don't think I want to see us toweling off for a while...

[ikols]

[ Every time he feels like he might be drifting away from some existential dread, he should just replay the noises Peter makes and Loki would come smashing right through the planet's core. Down to earth in one fell stroke.

His grin widens as he reverses toward the bathroom, walked there while still tracing patterns up and around Peter's hips, light and feathery as Loki's fingers slip under a shirt to seek out warm abs. ]

You know that I don't have to breathe in space, right? I don't have to breathe anywhere, [ another kiss plucks at Peter, tracing the corners of his mouth with a circling tongue, ] especially not in the shower while on my knees for you.

the shame i feel like i've been slow-mo crashing through a wall for weeks

[kindofamazing]

[ Every so often Loki drops some piece of critical information that simply did not occur to Peter before. Why would he think about Loki not needing to breathe? Why would that cross his mind for even a moment? It's not like your standard God expectation thing, but it's also not not a God thing, is it?

He's shuffling dangerously close to being too close to the useless intricacies of this just as Loki's clever tongue and way with words does an excellent job of grasping Peter's brain on both sides to draw him right back in, love-drunk and no thoughts toward that startlingly excellent image that Loki has planted solidly in his mind.

It's a very no thoughts, head empty just loki feeling that washes clean over Peter, the way that he always seems to with such minimal effort that steals Peter's breath away. Maybe he could do with that whole not needing to breathe ability thing.

One arm sweeping wide and tight over the back of Loki's shoulders, Peter brings them in for a long, deep kiss as his free arm reaches out long to feel out for the shape of the shower, pushing the glass door open and fumbling around against the wall to bring on a sudden, initially very cold spray of water. Does he mind that there are still clothes involved? Apparently not one bit as he backs Loki right up against the tiled wall.]

the shower menace returns!!

[ikols]

[ Laughter muffles into Peter's amorous kisses as they both wander back under the cold spray, Loki sparing a hand to twist the temperature up before he waves away their sodden clothing in a shimmer of green magic. He runs both hands up and down Peter's chest, lightly scratching all the way down to his abs, giving into the urge to pull him in snug so their cocks can meet in the dripping heat of the shower. Already half-hard, he wastes no time in grinding against his boyfriend's hip while happily drowning in his sticky-wet kisses.

He loves Peter's weight, wants him with a hunger that flares beyond just a simmer now that they are wrapped up in each other. The way Loki can't decide whether to cover his side in more scratches or to tug on his hair means both happen alternatively.

A knee hooks around Peter's hip, inviting him in as Loki keens into the hot wash of his mouth. ]

[kindofamazing]

[There are a lot of perks to having a certified Magical Boyfriend. One of them, seemingly, is the easy dismissal of clothes at any opportune moment--the sudden shift from wet, heavier cloth giving way to fully exposed, slick skin a very welcome one.

Even more so when its skin Peter's familiar with, missed in a strange way that reaches into his marrow which makes it easy to feel and feed into the energy Loki radiates--hands, mouth, lips, all meeting and searching for as much of Loki as he can.

The invitation to slide closer is also met in earnest, so much so that long leg that slides neatly across Peter's hip ends up in the perfect position for him to slip a hand into the soft skin in the crease of Loki's knee. His fingers trickle glacial up the underside of his boyfriend's leg, just appreciating the feel of him there before the other hand comes around to the underside of Loki's other leg to hoist him up against the damp wall and beneath the warm spray.

There's no rush here, none at all, and Peter clearly plans to make the most of that fact as he gently presses his teeth down against Loki's lowerlip to give a light tug and softly muttered 'hi' between their mouths, as if greetings aren't somewhere longer behind them, along with the pile of wet clothes Loki's vanished off somewhere.]