OPEN | Paint Yourself A New Life

[helpdesk_hero]

Who: David Alleyne helpdesk_hero, Mina Ashido pinkxeno, Harry Osborn nepotis, Bucky Barnes sinistral
What: David Has Many Meetings (Including Open Post)
When: [Forward Dated] April 1st through 5th
Where: Excelsior - Guild Housing #1, Excelsior - Connoisseur Coffee,
Content Warnings: Only in Thread Labeled V - Seeking Comfort: discussion of murder of children, attempted suicide, David's death, hate crimes

I. A Home Of Clashing Styles | Closed to Mina Ashido | Excelsior - Guild Housing #1
David had been living in the guild apartment for a month now, or just a shade over, and all that time he'd been holding his tongue. Beyond introducing himself to Mina when he'd first moved in at the start of March, he had not engaged with the young woman much, and definitely didn't stay long in the public spaces of their shared home. How could he when he was faced with the absolute disaster of the appearance? A living room painted electric green with zebra stripes? Horrid. A kitchen filled with insanely colorful and not always matching touches and appliances? Oh god. Even the small touches of decoration in the public spaces made David try not to wince.

Honestly, he hadn't even invited his boyfriend over because of the state of things. Most days he just came home from work or other things, walked in the door, visibly winced, and went right to his room or attached lab. But today, as he came back from the office in full business wear, vest and long sleeve shirt and tie and all of that. And walking in like that, with his back pack and a bag of groceries for him to cook dinner, he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Just... do it like an adult," he told himself before lifting his voice, hoping it would carry to wherever his housemate was.

"Mina, can we talk for a moment?"


II. Looking At The Moving Pieces | Closed to Bucky | Excelsior - Guild Housing #1
The weekend. David made a hard and fast rule to not go into the office on weekends, which made it the perfect sort of time for outside consultations. Today was one of those instances. After a previously successful first meeting with one Bucky Barnes (because of course David had recognized the man for who he had to be) back in March, today was going to be the first full check over, for the two of them to determine if David would be a good emergency tech for the man.

David waited in the living room for the knock at the door, knowing he'd have to let the former Winter Soldier choose his own pace at being comfortable with his arrival. What what little first hand knowledge that had been shared with him by people back home, he imagined the man would be... nervous. But David couldn't be certain. He'd met people from other versions of his world, and they didn't always line up personality wise.

But he was going to do his best to support the guy, and try and hide that he might have pre-formed opinions based on a whole other man. So he kept himself quiet and patient until he heard the knock at the door. David rose quickly and moved to it, opening the door to meet the other man.

"Mister Barnes, good afternoon. Come on in. Would you like any refreshments before I guide you back to my work room?"

He had no intention of calling it a lab. Not with a man no doubt tormented by his universe's Hydra.


III. The Coffee Conundrum | Closed to Harry Osborn | Excelsior - Connoisseur Coffee
Coffee. It was something that mattered to David, quite a bit actually. Caffeine was part of his diet, perhaps more than it should be. And, until he had the money to properly kit his kitchen out with a good brewing set up, David found a local coffee shop to indulge his needs. The world had blessed him with a great coffee shop between the apartment and his office, and it was here that David appeared multiple times a day. A quick stop in first thing for a coffee on the way to work, a trip in the evening for a cup to take home, and of course this, his lunch break.

David was currently settled in the cafe as he was most afternoons, in a table near a wall that normally wasn't the most desirable area of the care. His back was to the wall, and in front of him on the smaller table was a laptop. The other chair at the table was taken up by a back pack, and taking up the rest of the room on the table was another laptop, sitting closed, which was a weird thing, unless one knew David. Truth was the two laptops were interfaced, and he was using his technopathy to boost the processing of the one he was currently working on.

Thing was most days David did this, and it wasn't a problem. But today? Today there was a convention in town, something David wasn't aware of, and the cafe had packed to almost bursting when David wasn't aware of it. He'd been too engrossed in his current design project, his attention flicking back and forth between his typing and the medical journal at his side, opened to a recent article about a new study on regenerative rates of the nervous system. Truly, he had no idea how rude he was being taking up a table that could be used by others, especially after he'd finished his packed punch and coffee just a few minutes ago.

Perhaps someone should go and shuffle the man out of the space.


IV. Wildcard | Open to all
[OOC: I'm open to anything here, giving David a chance to hang out with his standing CR or meet new people. My only rule is that interactions would happen in Excelsior. If you have an idea that the above open post doesn't allow for, either private message this account or hit me up on plurk at churbooseanon or discord at Churby#4290. OR throw your own starter out in here. I'm happy to do many things.

IF you're looking for things that may be good hooks, David's a technopath, associated with a company that makes prosethetics and assistive technology, an accomplished chef that will be hitting up stores around the city for quality food and cookware/appliances, a technopath that will be around many computer shops, and honestly? He's a hockey nerd so you might find him at sports bars sometimes. Other than that, he'll likely often be out reading books in parks, or even just scientific journals. Guy has a spread of interests and we can talk it out to figure what might best hook a character into paying attention to him or coming over to say hi.]

Comments

[portolan]

It hurts when he pulls away. It hurts to be handled gruffly when offering softness. Even if he knows rationally that this has nothing to do with him, that lashing out is a sign of trust.

He keeps his face even, his voice gentle. His legs are still touching David’s and he’s mindful to keep contact and also to give space.

“It isn’t wrong to try. It isn’t wrong to love and to protect. I don’t know why it can’t be that easy and clean. But I do know nothing good comes of letting things you can’t control or fix for someone else consume you. It doesn’t rescue them, and it certainly doesn’t make you any better for it.”

[helpdesk_hero]

"Then why does it hurt so much?" David asks, calming down a little. It's... it hurts so much.

"How do I keep fucking this up and pushing them away? Why do I try to protect them when they hate me for it?"

[portolan]

“Because, my love, you have a heart that knows pain and hasn’t hardened from it.” He takes David’s hand, curling is own around it, holding it to David’s thigh.

“You want to prevent that pain for others. You want to reach for them the way you want them to reach for you. But you don’t get to choose that for them. Not everyone nurses their pain that way. Not everyone is ready to accept love.”

He turns David’s face toward his, gently gently. “This isn’t about you, dear one. You’re trying to control others to feel safe. I know. Scions, I know.”

[helpdesk_hero]

"Josh said something like that. A lot meaner. God, I fucked up."

He moves again, sitting down this time. In a way he's further away, but it also says he's not going anywhere else.

"Loki seemed to be convincing him to listen to this possessing force. I messaged him and said he shouldn't do it. And he snapped at me. He wasn't wrong to."

[portolan]

“You’re going to have to be patient with me because there are a lot of parties involved that I do not know.”

But he leans back against the stairs, glad David looks more settled. He’ll be here for more holding if David needs, but it’s good he’s a little more composed, good he isn’t fighting Balthier’s words.

“One of the Lokis was convincing the younger one to listen to this demon? And you suggested he not? Did he snap at you or Josh?”

He needed all the pieces of the story — or at least enough — to help show David the structure he was missing.

[helpdesk_hero]

"No. The youngest Loki is convincing Josh to listen to the demon. And I told Josh he shouldn't do that and why, and Josh snapped at me, saying I refuse to let him have agency."

Which wasn't entirely wrong. And he'd apologized. But it still hurt. He loved Josh.

[portolan]

He knows all of three things about David’s relationship with Josh, but he does not like what he’s hearing.

“If he’s already consorting with a demon, he very well may be addled in his reaction already. And even if not…it can both be true that you overstepped your bounds and that he is being a grand idiot. Agency is one thing. Using it to make choices that harm oneself is another.

“It’s still not your decision. He does get to do that for himself. But it doesn’t make you wrong for wanting to protect him. Or trying. I’m sorry he chose to see malice in a gesture of care and fear.”

[helpdesk_hero]

"He's not already," David says. But he was considering it. To fix what he loved. But David knew that what he wanted it for couldn't happen. Wouldn't happen. He just wanted to protect the other man.

"It's not just himself. If the bargain was true and he could make the one he wanted, it would affect me too. But mostly I wanted him to not throw himself at a stupid, empty promise. Because he always does. Always lets people use him. I know I shouldn't have said what I did, and now I think he'll stay mad for a long while. I just... I hate it."

[portolan]

“If he decision impacts you then it seems all the more reason you get a say.”

Which he doesn’t like. He doesn’t want David anywhere near demon deals. He will absolutely kill another demon or god if he has to. Even as he knows he would be without Fran and without his magic. Even as he knows that maybe here it’s suicide.

“People are often angriest with us when they know we speak a truth they don’t want to accept. Demons are so good at offering the thing we want most. Josh has to face this himself, both sides of it. And I hope he comes around and realizes he’s pushing away a very deep and kind love.

“And you, dear one, are going to have to do the worst of it: waiting helplessly on the sidelines.”

[helpdesk_hero]

"It's not like he needs me anyway," he said, his voice resigned to that, as if it's a realization that cuts him to the quick. "I'm from his future, I... Keep looking at him as I remember him, a man who is confident and respects himself and even capable of even being my comfort. And yet I am proud of who he is at the moment. But..."

But he's a burden on Josh. And it's miserable.

"He was my best friend once. And now I don't have that."

[portolan]

“Sometimes it’s more difficult to have a different version of a loved one than to not have them at all.”

How many years had that been true with his father? With Wilhere? But he can’t learn that for David anymore than David can make Josh see what he sees. He’s not going to be able to convince David tonight to value himself tonight.

“Friends not being accessible when we need them is miserable, regardless of the mechanism. I’m so sorry my love. I wish I could offer you more than my agreement that this pain is heavy.

“And I’m going to add to your burdens for a moment, so forgive me, but how could this deal affect you? Because I very much need you, and I need you to be safe.”

[helpdesk_hero]

Except he already is offering something amazing. Himself.

"Josh wants to change our past," David answered. "Change it in ways that I can't even begin to spin out the repercussions of. Change the whole world and history in a way that might well get us all killed. And he'd do it by murdering someone."

[portolan]

“Simple, easy, and low stakes. My favorite combination.”

Even so, there’s a sense of clarity that settles over him, a feeling he’s had a hundred times. He’s not a man who panics, and crisis is his domain. His gaze drifts to a place on the wall behind David, eyes moving rapidly with thought.

“I presume he won’t act in the next twelve hours or you wouldn’t have come here. Does anyone else know? Is there anyone he’s—“ he almost says closer to, but catches his wording “prone to listen to a deterrent from?”

[helpdesk_hero]

"I've... warned a mutual friend. I doubt he'll forgive me for that either," David answered. "That's all I can do. Rely on the Loki that cares for him most to protect Josh."

David just hurts.

"I loved him once. In the 'want to spend my life with' him way. But I'm no more suited to him than I am to most people. I'm a condescending jackass that tries to protect people by controlling them, after all. People get tired of it real fast."

[portolan]

Alright. Loki is an actual god, and if David is calm enough to trust his intervention, then Balthier is going to focus his full attention on David. Who clearly needs it.

The spend their life together comment hits strangely though, like a string out of tune in a song he otherwise knows. It’s not for now. He packs it away easily enough, but he can already feel it curling claws into his own insecurity.

A good thing he can compartmentalize. That it’s easy to focus externally. He gives David a gentle grin.

“Good news. I’m an arrogant two-faced coward and liar who is both too clingy and too slippery to keep anyone around.” Because he wagers David won’t let him get away with that.

[helpdesk_hero]

"No," David says, looking horrified that Balthier would say that. Good trick, because he's reaching for Balthier now.

"No, you're the arrogant, charming man who is brave enough to demand I see the good in me, and make me believe it. That's why I want to stay here in this world. I don't ever want to lose that. To lose you. Please, I... You're the person I'd fight for. The person I would sooner tear myself apart for than let myself hurt. I want you around."

[portolan]

Well he wasn’t expecting that. Or how much it would knock him out of his calculating to a place of warmth. If David is reaching for him then Balthier is reaching back.

“Good. Because I’m not remotely ready to let you go. Truth be told I was calculating if I was going to have to go fight a demon. Again.”

[helpdesk_hero]

The very idea that Balthier might have had to let go made David look truly distressed. Clearly Balthier has underestimated just how deeply David loved him. It wasn't an easy thing for him to come to feel, or to admit to.

"Demons are... I fear them more than almost anything. And the idea of you facing one..."

God he shudders. Balthier could probably do it, David believed in the force of his will. But he also feared that if Balthier didn't win, he'd lose his heart to a demon in a whole new way.

[portolan]

Balthier feels that shudder, and pulls David close once more. “I promise I will exhaust any other option first — fighting demons is not an experience I’m eager to repeat. But I would without any qualms or hesitations if I thought the alternative was losing you.”

If he is still underestimating how much David loves him, it is only his own wounds, and it is balanced out by how deep his convictions are that he would do anything for this man.

[helpdesk_hero]

A man that would do that for him... How was that even possible?

"You may be too good of a man for me, Balthier. Too bad I'm choosing to be greedy and pursue you with all of my heart."

[portolan]

“You’ve made me downright heroic,” he agrees. “And I shall be very cross with you if you stop being greedy and covetous.”

How could he not fight for this man? Who adores him? Who accepts his love? Who sees him? Who has such conviction and kindness?

Balthier has lost too much to even consider letting this go. Risking letting this go.

[helpdesk_hero]

He can't stand the distance anymore. David surges forward to wrap his arms around Balthier, holding on to him. He's shaking all over again. He should check in on the others. But he's scared to see how it all goes.

"I'm tired of losing the people I love. So hold on with both hands, and don't let go."

[portolan]

That makes his chest tight, and pressure comes to his eyes. His voice is low and cracks a little even as he holds David tightly to him.

“We are the same in this,” he whispers. “I will hold fast, my love. Always. I am not willing to lose anyone else.”

[helpdesk_hero]

To hear such emotion for him, that's... It's more than he ever could have fathomed.

"I need a drink," he said, his voice still weak. "While I wait. Will... will you wait with me? Drink with me? It's a really good port."

[portolan]

“You make this sound like some difficult ask of me. Of course I will.

“But I’m not letting you back out while you’re drunk. So either let me cut you off or tell me you’re staying here tonight.”

It’s firm. He means it.