i was born to hold my hands up (open)

[reneger]

Who: jason todd reneger & whoever
What: downfall event prompts ; post-event happenings
When: late july - august
Where: excelsior, central city, nyc
Content Warnings: body horror, child death, child abuse, general violence, drug overdose, suicidal idealization, etcetc



prompts in the comments because.... i can.

Comments

[robintohood]

Right.

[The bizarre shared space they're in is all too susceptible to their thoughts and feelings. Having nightmares alone is bad enough. Sharing them with anyone, much less his doppelganger is another level.

Jason tries to think of something else. Something that won't drown them in despair]

It... feels good sometimes. Being with the others. Not B.

[reneger]

( it's ringing in his head, now. joker's laugh, the sound of the crowbar slamming into him, how he felt it in his bones much more than he heard it, impact ringing through his skull as jason--took it. as he curled up tighter and tighter, tried to avoid it, tried to do--something, adrenaline rushing through his veins and it did nothing to save him because he was dead. dead. body rotting underground until he woke up in his casket, the terrifying moment he sucked in a breath and realized he'd died alone, he'd come back alone, he was trapped, and his cry for bruce went unheard. how his subsequent cries went unheard, rattling around in the back of his skull under all the rage and pain he wore when he ran rampant. a shudder wracks through his spine, hand raising to pull roughly at the hair just above his forehead. sucks in a breath. holds it for a moment. lets it out slow and very intentionally keeps his eyes open throughout because he knows all he'll see is green behind his eyelids.

tries to focus instead on them, as junior does. )

They--try.

[robintohood]

[Jason sees what the other man is trying to do. He's spiraled in that direction before as well. He can hear echoes that damn laugh as well.

But he pushes on. They both need to]

Feels almost like we don't deserve it.

[Then he huffs]

But they're so damn stubborn and stick around anyway.

[reneger]

You're just a brat, ( jason shifts again; this time, he's closer to junior's age. lacking the bulk he's spent years putting on, hair messy and a little too long, jawline covered in barely-there facial hair because he hasn't bothered to shave recently. he raises a hand, rubs along his jawline with his palm. ) you've barely done jack shit to unearn it.

Now, me? I've almost killed all of 'em, at least once. ( well. ) Not Duke, not directly. He's new.

[robintohood]

[The uncanny feeling of looking at himself strengthens again. He remembers looking unkept during his five years of traveling and training to become the new Red Hood. Same long and messy hair. Same awkward late teens stubble on his jawline]

Either this family's a lot dumber than they think or they're just as bratty as us.

[reneger]

There's a reason he picked us up. B.

( a snort, dull nails idly dragging right across his jaw. this is why he shaves, isn't it. it's irritating. )

'cause we're all the same.

[robintohood]

[Jason unconsciously makes a similar movement across his jawline]

It's a mixed blessing. Like a club you don't wanna be a part of but better to deal with if you're not alone.

[reneger]

You've got your own club now, don't you? Outside of 'em.

( sleeper, nico, whoever else. jason hasn't been keeping close tabs on junior intentionally. he already gets jealous seeing how easily he slipped into the role of brother with the rest of their siblings. )

[robintohood]

[Jason nods. The Brocks and Nico have somehow become part of his emotionally adopted family. He's become particularly close to Sleeper]

Yeah. Didn't mean for it to happen but they're special.

[At the thought of Sleeper and the others, a moving shadow with yellow accents slithers around before sliding itself up to Jason and settle like loose scarf around his neck]

[reneger]

( there's part of him that sees it: that this is a weakness, that it's something exploitable. that it's also a comfort that junior has, that jason had but lost several times because he's an asshole, because he pushes shit too far, because he doesn't protect his own as well as he should be, because he doesn't know when to stop. there's part of him also that's glad junior has something, that maybe it'll keep him off the same path jason went on. except it's too damn late for that, isn't it?

they're both just like this, they're going to continue being like this, and neither of them have any intention of stopping. he could open his mouth and say something vile, he could shut his mouth, or open it and say something kind but. why the hell would he bother with that? )

Good.

( easier, more simple, less weighty. it is good. it's something that differs them, too, because jason doesn't have sleeper and nico or the rest of junior's own crew that he's built here. )

[robintohood]

You managed to have some people back home too.

[He remembers the names his double mentioned. Kyle, Donna, Artemis, Bizarro... It must've been worth something for someone like Jason to have support]

[reneger]

Had people. Had.

( because he fucked off from kyle and donna. sure, kyle's here and they're--working together now, but jason had left them. had gone through dozens of worlds, lived through countless weird shit traveling around with them, then fucked off and left. he couldn't even tell anyone why he had, but it's--probably close to the same reason he'd fucked off on roy, too. jason todd has a tendency to get everyone around him hurt, or worse. like he had with artemis and bizzaro, who went off to fuck knows where.

he could ask tim. tim probably knows something. but tim hasn't said shit yet and jason's afraid it's because everything did fall apart, and he doesn't want to know even if he already--does. losing people hurts, and all jason seems to be able to do is lose them. he can hold on with all his strength and it does nothing, everyone always--gets hurt, gets fucked, disappears, dies. )

[robintohood]

You got back with Kyle.

[He hasn't seen much of them together but it he doesn't need to. Maybe it's the combination of detective training and literally knowing himself but he's seen enough to pick up on that]

[reneger]

Kyle's one of B's. He's a Leaguer.

( kyle said he isn't trading their shit back and forth, but the fact that he was bruce's teammate first is always going to be something jason thinks about. that kyle's with him, sure, but he considers bruce a friend just as much as he considers jason--whatever they are. and people always put bruce first. )

[robintohood]

[Right. Jason gets it. It takes a certain type of person to be a Leaguer. A type of person that Jason isn't. Plus, Kyle and Bruce having been co-workers makes things messy]

Guess it can never be that simple with us.

[reneger]

It ain't.

( a roll of his shoulders, and he's--walking towards the door. doesn't know where he's going, but he's going. )

Donna's one of Dick's. Roy an' Kori are, too. Artemis and Bizzaro were the only ones who weren't someone else's first. And I let them fly into a black hole without me.

[robintohood]

[Jason follows. The yellow-accented shadow that was around him fades]

Why? What happened?

[reneger]

Long story. Artemis pushed me out. B was there.

( it's--a summary, at least. it's not worth getting into. it's over. he should have pushed back, should have followed after her. )

[robintohood]

[Jason knows there's more to it than that but it's clearly a touchy topic for his double]

Sorry.

[reneger]

Don't.

( he's going down the hallway, but jason doesn't--he should remember what's down here, but he doesn't. it's blurred around the edges, memory filling it in as best as it can. )

It's on me, I don't want to hear it. Especially not from you.

[robintohood]

Right.

[Jason's own memory tries to fill in the blanks. Once you've lived in and squatted at enough buildings, they all just blend together into one depressing blur. Same walls with old peeling paint. Same creaky floorboards. Same dirty broken windows.]

Lucky me for not having more team-ups.

[reneger]

You're better off alone.

( the hurt in his tone is--clear, ringing strong. he stops in place as the area around them does shift. the hallways turn more familiar, and instead of one of their shitty buildings they'd stayed at when they were by themselves, it's. . turning into one they'd been at a little longer. the one they'd stayed in with catherine, right up until they'd found her body. )

'cause when you're not, someone gets hurt. People do. Everyone around you gets fucked over. But you can't stay alone, 'cause you just get worse when you're off on your own. There's no right answer, everything you do breaks something in the end.

[robintohood]

[Jason stops when he recognizes their surroundings. He hates it. He remembers clearly the say he found Catherine dead from an overdose. It was the day when his life sunk to another level of hell]

Most people don't understand where I'm coming from anyway. So why bother? They'll bitch about it and think it's so easy to do something else.

[reneger]

They're not gonna get it. They didn't live it like we did. They don't get how some people just--they deserve to be dead, they're not people, they're monsters wearing human skin.

( they should. look at joker, look at all the shit they've seen by now. jason may have had a headstart to seeing how garbage the world is, but they all have now. he gets bruce's reasoning, he gets why he is how he is, jason's seen what happens when he shifts gears, but it's. still stupid. and jason isn't bruce, they shouldn't bitch over his own choices. )

Crippling them doesn't fix it.

[robintohood]

[There's a shift in the space and they're in a decrepit hallway with an old creaky staircase leading downstairs. It's where Jason made his first kill, when he got fed up with one of Catherine's drug dealers]

If it did, we wouldn't keep having these problems. Fewer innocent people would get hurt.