metalogs | explosions on tv ( open )

Asked Rayner where he wanted to go, he said Ireland, and there was a nonstop flight to Dublin.

( as long as it was on another continent it was fine with jason. so. )

Is there somewhere else you wanna visit?

Nah, Ireland's fine.

[ He gives Jason a grin that is has hint of his usual energy. ]

So this is Kyle's idea.

The place was.

( if not the actual trip, but. )

Sitting still's hard. Even if your body's not going anywhere, your head's moving a thousand miles a minute. Right?

[ Dick sighs. ]

Yeah. Turns out it's easier to ignore everything when the world is falling apart and you have to fight against it.

What's going through your head?

( he's. making an attempt. this is significantly more dick's area of expertise than jason's, but dick the eldest isn't around and he can't imagine--peptalking oneself would go well at all. he'd know. he's tried it. )

[ Dick generally gets along with his other self, but there's always the problem that they can't lie to each other. To say nothing of their tendency to focus on other people's problems. They could circle each other forever if one of them didn't give in.

It takes a moment but he answers. ]

I'm homesick.

It's hard, being stuck somewhere else. I'm betting having a bunch of people who know you but you haven't met 'em yet makes it harder still.

( including himself. it can't be easy to find out at fourteen that eventually, someone else takes over your place as batman's sidekick. granted, dick had moved on by then, but-- )

Can I help?

[ Dick shakes his head. ]

I don't think anyone can help.

[ It is what it is. Dick has tried not to dwell, but there's a difference between accepting something uncomfortable and ignoring it.

He flashes Jason a smile. ]

You're doing fine. Don't worry.

( he hates that smile, because he knows damn well it's not quite genuine. it's dick trying to make him feel better, which is stupid.

jason raises the hand that isn't laying on top of bear, gestures towards himself. )

C'mere.

[ Reassuring Jason seems normal to him, though it looks like it didn't entirely work. Dick knows it's been overwhelming for Jason as well-- and Dick didn't give him much of a chance to turn him away. He probably thinks he's doing worse than he is, the way Bruce did at the beginning.

Dick stands and stretches before climbing onto the railing and jumping over to Jason's balcony. He lands softly, so as not to disturb the puppy. ]

Okay. I'm here.

( dick's close enough to grab onto, so that's--what jason does. he reaches a hand out, grabs onto the hem of his shirt to yank him closer so jason can wrap an arm around him and pull him in for a hug. as best as he can without disturbing bear anyway. )

I know it's not the same, but I've got you.

[ Dick doesn't resist being pulled into a hug; he even sits to make it less awkward.

Quietly: ] I know. You have since I got here. And I know taking me in was a lot so... thanks.

You're my brother, even if you're still a runt.

( it's the kind of shit he wouldn't say to the dick grayson from back home: the sappy, familial bullshit that jason doesn't like expressing because he's always expecting shit to go south. because sometimes he and dick are alright, and sometimes it feels like they're at war. because jason's loud but he's shit at expressing his feelings in healthy ways, but he's always had a soft spot for brats. it makes it easier that dick's small. )

You're always gonna be a lot, but that's just part of the Dick Grayson experience. Just like that stupid look you get on your face when you're bothered by shit but don't feel like you can open up about it.

[ Dick snorts with amusement. He's been called a lot of things, but 'Dick Grayson experience' is a new one.

He looks thoughtful as he rests a little against Jason's side. ]

I'm still getting used to being someone's brother. I haven't had a large family in a long time.

I'm still getting used to being someone's brother, too.

( he has had a couple years to--adjust to the idea of having people around. he met dick when he was small, but dick was busy with his own shit. it wasn't until jason chilled out after his resurrection that he started doing--brotherly bullshit.

the hugging thing is also newish. but he's still holding onto dick, so. )

I didn't spend a lot of time 'round the crew back home.

Like I said, you're doing fine.

[ He's not sure how helpful that is coming from him, given he doesn't know Jason as well as the others. Still, it's true.

Teasingly: ]

Now you can't get away from them. And their doubles.

When I was your age, all I had was B and Alfred. An' they were great, except when B and I were fighting. It got to the point where he tried to bench me for good, told me I needed to get help--which. You know how that turned out.

( jason rolls his shoulders, moves his hand up to comb fingers through dick's hair. )

I didn't have anyone else to turn to. Dick had the Teen Titans, as did Tim and Damian. Their own little teams of sidekicks and heroes who turned up right around when they did. I used to get stuck thinking about how--maybe if I'd had something like that, maybe shit would've turned out different. Maybe I wouldn't have been a reckless idiot. Maybe I wouldn't've died.

( and he's--pressing his mouth against dick's hair. murmuring against him. )

I don't ever want you to feel like you've got no one to go to when shit gets rough. You'll always have me, regardless of whatever stupid mess you've got yourself into. Alright?

Edited 2023-09-21 02:08 (UTC)

[ Some of Dick's tension unwinds just from Jason stroking his hair. He listens to Jason, his expression thoughtful.

Jason's afraid. Dick doesn't blame him, but most adults aren't forthright about it. They try to hide their fear when he gets hurt or has a too-close call. Bruce goes over what happened again and again and increases Dick's training. But he never says he's afraid. ]

Alright.

[ He pauses, briefly. ]

I'm not always good at talking about what's bothering me. I'm used to being the one people look to when something goes wrong and, if I fall apart or panic, they do too.

I know.

( that dick's used to being a leader, the responsible one. he's used to being bruce's support, the one who keeps everything from falling apart. he'd gotten that put on him long before bruce'd shoved more brats at him. )

But you can fall apart on me. ( he presses a small grin against dick's hair, keeping him close still. ) Your counterpart's the same way, y'know. Always there for every other damn person in the world, rarely gives himself any space. Sometimes when he's being particularly bitchy, I piss him off on purpose. He's got a hell of a temper, even if he's real good at hiding it. Sometimes, he just needs to let it out a little.

[ Dick snorts, amused. ]

So you guys punch it out. That's sweet.

[ After a moment. ] I don't I'm as selfless as you make him sound.

[ He has no notes about the temper. He's well aware of it. ]

He's not selfless, he's just stupid.

( but it's said fondly. the kind of insult one expects from their little brother. jason doesn't dig into dick's shit any further; dickie here likely already knows. )

You don't need to keep it in. I'm not gonna force you to say anything, but I'm here for you.

[ Dick snorts. ] Now that sounds more like me.

[ He manages to be his own special blend of confident, insecure, open, and secretive. Jason is a bunch of contradictions, but so his he. ]

I'm here for you too. Don't do that stupid adult thing where you assume I can't handle it.

I was a fourteen year old brat running around in Robin gear, too.

( he'd started a little younger than that, but so had dick. point being: he understands that dick isn't just a kid who needs to be coddled and protected. that he's been through shit, too, he doesn't need to be babied. even if jason wants to give him the opportunity to be able to just be a dumb kid again. he knows better than to try and throw a blindfold over robin and hope it sticks. )

You're a smart kid. I know you can handle shit far beyond your years. An' I promise if I need you, I'll let you know.

[ Dick believes Jason, but he also remembers what his older self said about being underestimated. Jason might decide he doesn't need Dick's help because there are so many others here who know him better and are better-suited to help. It's perfectly logical, but it still sucks.

Still... ]

Promise.

[ He holds out his pinky. Square up with a pinky promise, Jason. ]

( he looks down to the offered pinky, then back up to dick, and snorts before jason's reaching forward to intertwine his own around dick's. )

Promise.

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