metalogs | ( open ) sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Entry tags:

( open ) sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Who: Loki Odinson (

torchbearer) + Gabby Kinner (

honeybadgerer) + YOU
What: TDM + SOTU prompts
When: During Late September / October
Where: Around, will specify in prompt
Content Warnings: N/A

( prompts in comments below. if anyone wants something specific, hit me up @

timmtams / pm )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( the knife he'd pulled out of the wall goes back into his belt, and jason--pulls himself up onto the roof easily, and back up onto his feet. )

Dick knows. So does Tim.

( even worse, is the shit he has to take a breath through before he lets it out, )

They knew before an' didn't say jack shit. They knew we were from the same place, that I was behind, they knew all about the bullshit that was coming, and no one thought to give me a heads up.

Would it have made a difference?

[ kyle is not sure knowing would change anything. would it lessen the blow? the memories coming for you, with no defense. ]

( jason was being secretive because he couldn't figure out where the hell he stood with anyone. hell, he still doesn't know half the damn time. but he knows it's all connected with bruce, and without their bruce here, none of it really matters. he doesn't need to worry about it. but as for the rest--

kyle floats close by, and jason just keeps on walking. )

It wouldn't've changed anything. But I would've felt--less on the outside of it all if they'd've given me a heads up. They banned me from his funeral, y'know. Told me not to come.

[ ah. kyle recalls some time ago when jason had slipped and called them family. it was the same thing. ]

Did they say why?

I told you, I ain't part of them.

( he's not family. not like the rest of them are. it comes and goes in waves: bruce will hand him a carrot, then get out the stick. sometimes jason is counted in their numbers, especially when the world is falling apart and they could use him. sometimes, he's just another one of bruce's failures. )

Rook let me in on enough of it earlier. 's how I knew they already knew. He and I're aligned now, timeline-wise.

[ kyle eyes him for a moment. ]

Is that what they said?

[ because there's a difference between what people say and jason churns around in his head. ]

( he stops walking. raises his arms, to cross them over his chest loosely, and turns his head to face kyle directly. )

There've been family photos taken with everyone in 'em except me. Not even just the ones that'd been out in the manor, but the ones Al'd keep in albums, or down in the cave. Not 'cause I refused to come when they called, but because there'd been no call to begin with. I get rung in when they need back up, then told again when it's over that B said I wasn't allowed back in Gotham, an' I'd better pack my shit up an' get out.

( there's pieces in between. there's tyler, and how bruce had come when jason called him. how they'd weathered that storm together. how he and tim had encouraged each other out of their very worst nightmares. bits and pieces of good shit thrown in that jason won't discount when it really comes down to it, but they're irrelevant to this conversation. )

I don't need them to say it. I can read between the lines just fine.

[ you could say there is something masochistic about the whole thing. jason will never stop yearning of being part of the fold, no matter what he says and does. his actions speak louder than words, even here. kyle knows this. it's not unfair for jason to be hurt. kyle absolutely believes that they hurt him, without question.

and he is, ultimately, on jason's side. no one else's. gently he lays his hand over jason's cheek. ]

Okay. . . . Okay.

( kyle reaches out to him and jason--flinches, for just a moment. the barest hint of a negative reaction, before he's leaning right into his hand. presses his cheek into kyle's palm, and closes his eyes behind his mask. his own hand raises, gloved fingers pressing against the back of kyle's own to hold his hand in close.

pulls in a breath through his nose slow, and lets it out through his mouth. )

'm fine.

No one's looking but me.

[ so jason can say whatever he wants. kyle will still be here. ]

I'm looking.

( he knows how pathetic he looks right now. how desperately he's clinging onto kyle's hand, like it's a lifeline. jason doesn't let go, just intertwines his fingers with kyle's own.

when he speaks up again, it's quiet, barely more than a whisper. )

I want you to choose me.

[ kyle cradles jason's face tenderly, like he's handling something precious. ]

I chose you.

[ long, long ago. when kyle deposited the little marble in jason's hand. it was set in stone by then. he's not going to change his mind. not for anything. because jason keeps him here. keeps him tethered to his life. and kyle thinks he's all the more beautiful for it. ]

( jason's worked hard, to become strong, fearsome, to be someone others would cower away from. he's intimidating, loud, knows how to throw his weight around and he isn't afraid to do it either. but kyle holding him like this makes him feel--vulnerable, fragile in ways jason both hates and knows he needs in equal measures. his shoulders slump, and he curls in on himself just a little, makes himself that much smaller.

doesn't let go of kyle's hand. his voice stays soft, cracks around the edges, )

's all I wanted.

I know.

[ carefully, kyle wraps his arms around jason, keeping him close. ]

I've got you.

( jason melts into it. they're outside, there's so much shit out here that could hurt them, but he trusts kyle to have his back, and he--goes slack in his arms. leans into him, and presses his face in against his neck. he has to slouch a little, but that's fine. )

If you fuck off on me, I'll strangle you.

I know.

[ he presses a kiss to the outer shell of jason's ear. ]

( the kiss has a shudder running through his spine, and jason--raises both arms up finally. wraps them tight around kyle's waist. )

Thanks.

You're welcome.

[ there isn't much else to say. ]

I --

( jason pulls in another breath, slow and steady. breaths out as he tightens his arms around kyle, holding onto him almost too tight. he shakes his head against kyle's shoulder, presses in closer. )

I trust you. To have my back an' not fuck me over. ( it's not an i love you, but it's about as close as jason's going to get just yet. )

[ he wasn't expecting one, but it was still lovely to hear. he can read between the lines and it was nice. to sink into this warmth. to know someone still wants him, despite it all. ]

I trust you too.

( he'd tell kyle that's a real shit idea. that he should know better, how many times did they find a way to fuck up with each other during their - what, year traveling around? but jason knows better than to open his mouth and say jack shit about any of it, so instead he just.

leans his head up enough to dig his teeth into kyle's shoulder through the lantern uniform. fuck it, they've done enough feelings talks, kyle called jason dramatic for gnawing on him, it feels like a perfectly acceptable way of ruining the mood. )

[ kyle does swat him lightly for that even if he tilts his neck a little for jason. ]

Really.

( he can swat all he wants, it's not going to deter him any. if anything, it's causing jason to--give a little snort laugh, leaning in so he can nip just below kyle's ear instead.

it won't leave a mark. this time. )

's what you get.

[ dryly. ]

Yeah, I'm clearly the worst.

You're the one who decided to put up with me.

( but jason's - pulling himself up to his full height, shoving softly against kyle before he turns around and starts walking again. )

'bout time to call it a night.

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