( at one point, jason'd been driving his bike by dick's school after he got out most days. it's not as if he has a real person job, he catnaps when dick's at school, clearly picking him up was a good use of his spare time. for the past couple weeks, jason--hasn't been around. hasn't answered the phone because he left it behind, didn't bother trying for the apartment since everyone was gone.
but he shows up to school today, bike helmet hanging off one handle while the compartment his spare's in is open. jason's got aviators on over his eyes, because clearly any sun is too much sun. he waits. figures, dick can walk the other way and avoid jason entirely if he really wants to, jason's not going to stop him. but he's here, he's got dick's helmet out and visible, the invitation is there, whether or not he decides to take it. )
[ Dick spots Jason's bike immediately. He stands a few paces away, one hand clutching his backpack strap. He looks Jason over, his expression cool but not cold.
Without preamble, he grabs his helmet and climbs on. ]
( jason looks back. his left shoulder still fucked to hell and back, obvious by how he's holding it stiff while the the rest of him slumps over. he's tired, less physically and more--mentally, and he's not making any effort to hide it. dick and tim both have great poker faces, but jason's always been worse at hiding his emotions. trying to in front of dick grayson himself just seems like a fucking stupid idea, especially when he doesn't have much he wants to hide.
the kid climbs onto the bike without a word, and jason--reaches to take off his aviators, head facing forward, and shoves the helmet on in their place. the comms in the helmets are meant more for when they're driving, but they come in handy here, when he murmurs soft enough it'd be too muffled to pick up the words through polycarbonate plastic. )
[ Dick sees all of it-- how couldn't he? Jason doesn't bother hiding it, which is smart. He's been getting into fights to, what? Punish himself, burn off some aggression?
Although Dick is still stinging a little from Jason's abrupt departure, he does understand a little. Plus he got a warning, which is more than Kyle got. ]
( he hadn't had a destination in mind, originally. with food given as a good place to start, jason takes them down the road to one of the closer fast food joints - one he knows has decent burgers. jason parks the bike so they can make their way inside and order, mostly because drive thrus and motorcycles tend to not mix very well. )
We'll pick up whatever, an'--go find a place to talk after.
( though he is sucking in a breath, and without prompting, just - )
( an i know is probably about as best as he deserves. jason won't argue it. he raises a hand still, so he can put his palm against dick's hair. not ruffling it, but close enough. )
I had some shit to work through, but it. . . it wasn't anything against you.
( he ruffles dick's hair, before continuing inside and -- ordering whatever basic shit is listed as their number one. because jason doesn't really care, he's just here to give himself another pitstop. waits until dick orders whatever, too, before shoving his card into the reader and paying for it. )
[ He doesn't duck away when Jason ruffles his hair, though he also doesn't lean into it.
Dick orders something simple. Bruce might be a little clumsy at the emotional part of looking after a teenager, but he was fastidious in making sure Dick had plenty to eat while he stayed at the penthouse. ]
( this is the same way bruce had dealt with jason. when he'd found him and they'd gotten cheap burgers to eat on the batmobile. when jason had come back to gotham and asked for another chance. he realizes that it's--more of a jason thing than a dick thing, maybe a little belatedly. because jason's always been hungry: for a good meal, for attention, for connection, but dick's always been better at going after it and getting it. it also reminds him of his conversation with the other dick grayson: they're stubborn, both of them, and dickie here would likely wait jason out if he needed to.
jason's working up the nerve to make sure he doesn't have to. because he shouldn't--not with jason, not with any of the shitty adults in his life. he wants to be better than that.
a brown paper bag gets put on the counter, and jason grabs it before heading back out to the bike. straightens his shoulders a little, and nods his head over to it. )
( no one's going to say shit. especially not with jason riding pillion. but he notices how dick's expression falls and opts to not bother saying that, given jason knows he's in deep shit now, and dick knows it well, too. )
Yeah, sure.
( food gotten, jason's getting back on the bike and waits for dick before he's speeding off back towards their place. )
( there's nothing more terrifying than a quiet dick grayson. but jason says - nothing. just drives them back to the building and pulls into the underground parking lot. parks in his spot, before he's climbing off the bike and grabbing onto the bag of food.
shoves his helmet back into it's compartment. if he looks nervous, it's because he is. )
( and there it is. the outburst jason was waiting for. the very justified anger because who does that? bruce does. which is one of the things jason hates that he does, and yet here jason is - not being any better. he winces, but keeps his eyes on dick. doesn't go anywhere. doesn't have much right to at this point, does he. )
( with a gesture around to the apartment, before he shoves fingers through his hair. )
Staying in one place for so long, having people I need to--stick around for. Even when it was Harper an' me, it wasn't stable like this. An' when it started to feel like it was, I fucked it up and almost got him killed. Do you know how hard it is to almost kill Roy?
( this is getting slightly off topic. reeling it back in a bit; it isn't the time for excuses. )
I thought I'd fuck it up again. So I left before I could do that. Which's just fucking it up anyway and I knew that an' I'm sorry for being an asshole and an idiot.
(He doesn't want to talk about Roy or his mortality, given how things are going back home.) ]
If you came back because you felt obligated or pressured, you shouldn't have bothered. I can go somewhere else.
[ Dick has a pretty extensive list of things he hates and being treated like an unfortunate obligation is one of them.
(He remembers doing the same thing to Bruce a long time ago, before he knew about Batman. How he snapped and asked why Bruce bothered with him if he was just going to vanish all the time.) ]
No. It's not that. It was never that. ( it's not as nervous and unsure as jason's voice had been. because he means it. it's not rambly, because he doesn't need to fill in the quiet spaces. )
I came back 'cause it's what I want. I want to be here. I want you to be here with me. If I wanted to disappear, I could've done a hell of a better job of it.
( in case that wasn't obvious. emotional honesty isn't his strongsuit, but--he's trying here. and opens his mouth again, offers a little more quietly, )
I took off 'cause I got scared. I. . . I hurt Grayson back home, more than once. I took out a lot of my personal problems on Tim. I was telling him, just before you showed up, that outside of our Bruce? I'm the last person anyone should trust with a Robin. I didn't want to fuck up with you.
( he's stubborn as hell and while jason wouldn't say there's a winning when it comes to this conversation - if there was, dick already damn knows he's winning. because jason doesn't know what to give here. he's given the truth, which is better than he would have given most. )
If I was treating you like I treated him, I'd be a hell of a lot. . . less open. If you were just another Robin, I may've let you into my apartment but you sure as hell wouldn't still be here. It's me. You get that, right? I fuck up an' hurt you, and it's me who's gonna be holding it against myself 'til the end of time. It's me who's gonna be comparing it to how hard I hit Drake when I came back around, who's gonna be thinking about how hard I come down on every other asshole who fucks with kids, and yet here I am pulling the same goddamn shit. How I'm feeding into the same cycle I've given B shit for. Not that I ain't regardless, 'cause you're almost the same age I was when I keeled over, yet we're still running 'round at night putting you at risk every damn time we go.
dick jr | trouble comes our way.
but he shows up to school today, bike helmet hanging off one handle while the compartment his spare's in is open. jason's got aviators on over his eyes, because clearly any sun is too much sun. he waits. figures, dick can walk the other way and avoid jason entirely if he really wants to, jason's not going to stop him. but he's here, he's got dick's helmet out and visible, the invitation is there, whether or not he decides to take it. )
no subject
Without preamble, he grabs his helmet and climbs on. ]
no subject
the kid climbs onto the bike without a word, and jason--reaches to take off his aviators, head facing forward, and shoves the helmet on in their place. the comms in the helmets are meant more for when they're driving, but they come in handy here, when he murmurs soft enough it'd be too muffled to pick up the words through polycarbonate plastic. )
Hungry?
no subject
[ Dick sees all of it-- how couldn't he? Jason doesn't bother hiding it, which is smart. He's been getting into fights to, what? Punish himself, burn off some aggression?
Although Dick is still stinging a little from Jason's abrupt departure, he does understand a little. Plus he got a warning, which is more than Kyle got. ]
no subject
We'll pick up whatever, an'--go find a place to talk after.
( though he is sucking in a breath, and without prompting, just - )
Sorry.
no subject
[ Not an okay, I understand or an it's okay because both would be disingenuous. ]
no subject
I had some shit to work through, but it. . . it wasn't anything against you.
no subject
We should talk at home.
[ 'Home' being the apartment. They have some sorting out to do, but he'd always intended to go back to Jason when he returned. ]
no subject
( he ruffles dick's hair, before continuing inside and -- ordering whatever basic shit is listed as their number one. because jason doesn't really care, he's just here to give himself another pitstop. waits until dick orders whatever, too, before shoving his card into the reader and paying for it. )
no subject
Dick orders something simple. Bruce might be a little clumsy at the emotional part of looking after a teenager, but he was fastidious in making sure Dick had plenty to eat while he stayed at the penthouse. ]
no subject
jason's working up the nerve to make sure he doesn't have to. because he shouldn't--not with jason, not with any of the shitty adults in his life. he wants to be better than that.
a brown paper bag gets put on the counter, and jason grabs it before heading back out to the bike. straightens his shoulders a little, and nods his head over to it. )
Wanna drive?
no subject
He's being bribed. Normally, he'd enjoy the special treatment but not now. ]
I'll draw too much attention. Let's just go.
no subject
Yeah, sure.
( food gotten, jason's getting back on the bike and waits for dick before he's speeding off back towards their place. )
no subject
The fact that he's not talking now probably doesn't bode well for Jason. ]
no subject
shoves his helmet back into it's compartment. if he looks nervous, it's because he is. )
no subject
It's not until the door closes that Dick drops his food on the counter, sheds his backpack, and whirls on Jason. ]
What the hell, Jason?
no subject
'm sorry.
no subject
"I'm sorry" isn't an explanation.
no subject
( with a gesture around to the apartment, before he shoves fingers through his hair. )
Staying in one place for so long, having people I need to--stick around for. Even when it was Harper an' me, it wasn't stable like this. An' when it started to feel like it was, I fucked it up and almost got him killed. Do you know how hard it is to almost kill Roy?
( this is getting slightly off topic. reeling it back in a bit; it isn't the time for excuses. )
I thought I'd fuck it up again. So I left before I could do that. Which's just fucking it up anyway and I knew that an' I'm sorry for being an asshole and an idiot.
no subject
(He doesn't want to talk about Roy or his mortality, given how things are going back home.) ]
If you came back because you felt obligated or pressured, you shouldn't have bothered. I can go somewhere else.
[ Dick has a pretty extensive list of things he hates and being treated like an unfortunate obligation is one of them.
(He remembers doing the same thing to Bruce a long time ago, before he knew about Batman. How he snapped and asked why Bruce bothered with him if he was just going to vanish all the time.) ]
no subject
I came back 'cause it's what I want. I want to be here. I want you to be here with me. If I wanted to disappear, I could've done a hell of a better job of it.
( in case that wasn't obvious. emotional honesty isn't his strongsuit, but--he's trying here. and opens his mouth again, offers a little more quietly, )
I took off 'cause I got scared. I. . . I hurt Grayson back home, more than once. I took out a lot of my personal problems on Tim. I was telling him, just before you showed up, that outside of our Bruce? I'm the last person anyone should trust with a Robin. I didn't want to fuck up with you.
no subject
I'm more than Robin, I'm not the Dick Grayson you have a history with. And I'm not fragile.
no subject
( he's stubborn as hell and while jason wouldn't say there's a winning when it comes to this conversation - if there was, dick already damn knows he's winning. because jason doesn't know what to give here. he's given the truth, which is better than he would have given most. )
If I was treating you like I treated him, I'd be a hell of a lot. . . less open. If you were just another Robin, I may've let you into my apartment but you sure as hell wouldn't still be here. It's me. You get that, right? I fuck up an' hurt you, and it's me who's gonna be holding it against myself 'til the end of time. It's me who's gonna be comparing it to how hard I hit Drake when I came back around, who's gonna be thinking about how hard I come down on every other asshole who fucks with kids, and yet here I am pulling the same goddamn shit. How I'm feeding into the same cycle I've given B shit for. Not that I ain't regardless, 'cause you're almost the same age I was when I keeled over, yet we're still running 'round at night putting you at risk every damn time we go.