i was born to hold my hands up (open)
Who: jason todd
reneger & whoever
What: downfall event prompts ; post-event happenings
When: late july - august
Where: excelsior, central city, nyc
Content Warnings: body horror, child death, child abuse, general violence, drug overdose, suicidal idealization, etcetc
prompts in the comments because.... i can.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
What: downfall event prompts ; post-event happenings
When: late july - august
Where: excelsior, central city, nyc
Content Warnings: body horror, child death, child abuse, general violence, drug overdose, suicidal idealization, etcetc
prompts in the comments because.... i can.
no subject
( kyle had always gotten on jason's nerves. his attitude, his reliance on some stupid ring, how people just seemed to like him, as if it was that easy. and the shitty, dreamy look to him. none of that has changed. the comments are a little less pointed, but kyle's still an ass. jason's settled, but not by much. he's still full of opinions he knows bruce disagrees with, his way will always feel right to him, no matter how much the gotham vigilante hoard disagrees. but kyle doesn't give a shit. kyle's here holding his hand like that's a normal thing to do. kyle's telling jason he can be whatever he wants to be.
it feels nice.
it feels inherently wrong.
jason's choosing to ignore the instinctive need to dig into every reason kyle could be trying to fuck with him by--acting like this. because kyle is a shit liar, unless he's been hiding being a real good liar from all of them. well enough jason can't pick up on it. or maybe this was one of bruce's plays, but their bruce isn't here. dick is and dick's in on more of bruce's secrets than jason ever has been.
but he also realizes it's too late for him now anyway. kyle could be a mole, but jason's already in deep enough that leaving this behind will end in heartbreak. and he hasn't quite nailed down if that makes him want to stay or run.
he reaches forward with his free hand. presses his palm against the curve of kyle's back as jason steps in closer. kisses the corner of his lips. )
Who do you want to be?
no subject
kyle would not give up being soft for anything. and he won't give this up. he shivers with pleasure at the kiss, relaxing. ]
I just want to hold onto Kyle. Just for a while longer.
no subject
( he likes how kyle--doesn't take his shit, how he can read him. the soft touches are something jason is still adjusting to, because even if he has grown comfortable with people getting in his space, kyle is something else. jason takes his hand off of kyle's back to instead curl it around the side of his neck, thumb pressing against his jawline as jason presses another kiss to the opposite corner of his lips. it's soft, gentle. which is also--different from what jason's used to. he's not complaining. )
Some of the time, at least.
no subject
Good. Because I like Jason some of the time too.
no subject
You're soft, ( repeating it, because-- ) but I ain't.
( the next time he leans in for a kiss, it's with the hand he'd had on kyle's neck wrapping around to cup the back of his head, to pull him into it. it's needy and desperate, and jason doesn't waste any time before pressing in deeper. )
no subject
in jason, he is not looking at that kind of future. the shape of it has changed. he's right in that jason is not soft. he's always been hard, burning up, raging. it frustrated kyle to no end, the way he held himself apart from the rest, the bad boy routine. and yet.
there was certainty there. because the core of jason was not a flicker of a match or the smell of self-destructive gasoline. and he knew that. he knew. he knew when jason crept into his window, he knew when he brought kyle takeout or bullied him into moving and kyle just folded because he wanted to be in this orbit. he wanted to be pulled along, even with his soft underbelly. he moans into the kiss, aching for it. ]
no subject
it's also why, when kyle had told him he doesn't play around when jason had been playing, it shifted everything. he told kyle to lead, but he was still the one who pushed forward. who heard kyle's i trust you and let it break him. who hears an i like you sometimes and takes it--here.
where he's got kyle pressed against him, his arm wrapped tight around him, feeling the moan against his mouth as much as he's hearing it. jason releases kyle's hand, but it's so he can raise it up and curl fingers into his hair. to wrap around him just that much more. the arm around his waist curls around him tighter, but the fingers in his hair stay gentle. jason nips at his lower lip, gives a soft breathy noise into the kiss. )
no subject
kyle recalls vividly the way alex fit against him, brushing away her long hair to kiss her neck. with donna, she would pin him down before they embraced. with jenny, they would fly. holding hands, they crossed the stars. all of those people who make up kyle. he could not extricate them from himself any more than he could rip his heart from his chest. all his love, etched deep in his bones.
but kyle isn't interested in comparing it. those are not the thoughts running through his head. he's not trying to fit jason into a slot that existed before. his palms press themselves against his back as to hold him close forever, to remove any kind of space that could exist between them as a buffer. he chases after jason's lips to deepen the kiss. ]
no subject
doesn't, not this time. they'll have opportunity for that later, won't they? because now, jason's--pulling back enough he can press the bridge of their noses together. keeps his fingers in kyle's hair, eyes closed. )
You'd better mean it. ( it's not doubting kyle. it's just-- ) 'cause you're stuck with me now.
no subject
[ he meant it long before. saying it out loud hasn't changed his response. it's just a confirmation. a certainty. in a world of dreams and outside of it, kyle will remain. steady as a heartbeat. ]
no subject
( he doesn't know kyle as well as he knows--some people, but kyle's not a hard read either. he's a shit liar who wears his heart on his sleeve, which would be horrendously dangerous for most people in their field, but kyle is. . different. jason wouldn't know how to properly put it into words, because he struggles with that: wearing his emotions, letting everyone see, being too loud, letting things break him apart too easily, allowing his emotions to take over when jason really shouldn't.
like the edge of vulnerability he's wearing now, that bleeds right into his voice when he speaks. it's a little too quiet for jason, too careful. )
Don't disappear on me.
no subject
I'm here. I've got you.
no subject
( it's a hard topic both because it's stupid to get into with kyle but he figures kyle'll get it better than most people here would. and he--wants to talk about it with someone who does get it. it's a loss he's brought up with dick, one that damian, strange, stark, barnes, they're all aware of it. probably aware too that jason has been walking around it like it never happened to begin with. because he doesn't handle loss well. never has. )
Where I was before. Her name was Loki, an' all she had to go home to was death. I lost Artemis to a fucking black hole, lost Lo to ending up here, an' I can't--lose you too. Swear to hell and back I'll fight every shit god that shows up to try and fuck shit up 'cause I can't.
no subject
and he could. he could. he feels that power within him, a starheart. jenny's starheart. it would be so tempting. but kyle knew fear. that's what made him unique among the lanterns. giving jason a promise won't magically change that fear. or stop what could come.
kyle takes jason's hand. a hand made for bruises. kyle always takes care of his own hands, too afraid of losing his talent, his art. they both amount to the same thing. ]
Jason, making that promise . . . I want to. I've always wanted to. For every single person I loved. For the people I lost.
But I can't. I can promise to fight. I can promise my power, my rage, my steadfastness. I can promise in this universe, I'll always be.
And if you go to any others, I'll find you.
[ he squeezes their knuckles together. ]
I'll find you.
no subject
I don't expect empty promises out of you. ( his voice is still soft, mouth carefully forming around words one syllable at a time. jason looks back up to kyle. quirks up a corner of his lips, even if the little half-grin never quite reaches his eyes. ) But I'm gonna expect you to keep that one.
no subject
I'll keep it.
[ he doesn't add to it. he doesn't need to. kyle is just . . . straightforward like that. he doesn't make it flowery. he doesn't make it desperate. it is a fact now. unshakeable. ]