i was born to hold my hands up (open)

[reneger]

Who: jason todd reneger & whoever
What: downfall event prompts ; post-event happenings
When: late july - august
Where: excelsior, central city, nyc
Content Warnings: body horror, child death, child abuse, general violence, drug overdose, suicidal idealization, etcetc



prompts in the comments because.... i can.

Comments

[reneger]

You're not wrong.

( jason's attention focuses in on kyle though. looks at him for a moment, before he offers-- )

You had your mom, right? Growing up.

[torchbearer]

Yeah. My mom is great. Still great. She knows the secret and everything.

[ a beat. ]

But then Major Force broke into her house. Used some mannequin of her, cut it up and stuffed the parts in the oven. I tore into that house. And then I just . . . left. It's better when I leave.

[reneger]

It's hard being close to anyone, let alone civvies.

( jason won't tell him leaving was a shit idea. he won't suggest kyle go back, or anything stupid like that. he's--had his own shit experiences, getting involved with people. bonds are easy to take advantage of. )

You never know when it's all gonna turn to shit an' you'll only have yourself to blame.

[torchbearer]

So what do you do?

[ he's not sure he's really asking or not. ]

[reneger]

Don't ask me. Last time shit got complicated, I fucked off and told Roy he was better without me. And when he came back around, I told him it never meant anything.

( emotional competency is not jason's strongsuit. )

[torchbearer]

[ okay, he huffs, a little bemused. ]

You're always so extra.

[reneger]

In my defense, he'd almost died 'cause of me.

( not that it wasn't extra. because jason's pretty sure he couldn't have made it more break up-like if he'd tried. )

[torchbearer]

Would that change your response though?

[reneger]

After I'd left you and Donna, it was Harper who'd convinced me I couldn't go solo.

( a loose shrug, and jason turns his attention back to the tv. )

If I hadn't almost lost him--well, it would've happened eventually. We both pull stupid shit.

[torchbearer]

But you pulled back.

You could do it again. You have done it.

[reneger]

And?

( no point in denying it. jason's pulled the same shit here with the other robins, too. )

[torchbearer]

And . . . [ kyle squeezes his shoulder. ] . . . that's good enough.

[reneger]

The hell's that supposed to mean?

( there's context here that he's missing, and he's not sure what it is. )

[torchbearer]

It means instead of thinking about how far you went, consider that it's enough that you pulled back. Flip the script on beating yourself up on it.

[reneger]

I'm not beating myself up over it.

( he is, but. )

I'm just saying. It's hard enough having people 'round who get it, let alone people who're. . not involved in our side of shit.

[torchbearer]

. . . I don't know if that's the issue.

[reneger]

I'm at least slightly less likely to keel over if shit came up.

( it's hard to put what he means into words especially because kyle's a little out of his league as is. in the sense of--jason's only human. a human who died and came back to life, but human regardless. kyle is, too, but he's a lantern. significantly above jason's paygrade. it's not a status jason really gives two shits about; he keeps his feet on the ground because he knows it's what he's best at. that they have heavy hitters to handle everything above jason's level.

and jason wouldn't have considered sharing his space with kyle if keeping him alive was even slightly a concern. he trusts kyle to know his own limits, trusts that any enemies jason makes, kyle could handle if they came after him. anything less, and he wouldn't be here. )

[torchbearer]

[ and that was a sort of security, wasn't it? to know someone would still be there. to wake up and realize they were still around. to wake up and remember that alex was dead. donna was gone. jenny was spacedust.

but that's not all there is to it. there is something kyle is on the cusp, something that beats on within him. his connection to life and love is so tenuous, it's ready to snap. ]

I know.

[reneger]

( alternatively, they could turn it around and say all the training in the world isn't going to do jack shit against darkseid, that jason survived apokolips once before on sheer luck alone. that someone in their field is more likely to get themselves into shit, because they just can't help themselves. that understanding and being part of it also just means watching them hurt themselves more.

but jason's trying not to read that deep into it. no need to turn himself off from making connections ever again, right. )

Being human's hard.

( not that he imagines it's any different for kryptonians, or amazons, or anyone else capable of experiencing loss. )

[torchbearer]

[ for some reason, that makes kyle chuckle. ]

Yeah. It's always going to be, no matter what you're doing. But being human is . . . well, where everything comes from.

[reneger]

Says the guy who was Ion once to the one who'd dug his way out of his own grave.

( a cosmic horror and a once-dead robin. clearly they're both doing great at this. )

[torchbearer]

[ he shakes his head. ]

Being Ion is like . . . being everywhere. Being everything. It wasn't a bad thing, it was just . . . overwhelming.

When Jenny gave me the starheart back, Ion came back to me. And it's still here.

[reneger]

My bad. ( the grin on his mouth just barely curves up the corners of his lips.) The ex-dead guy and the semi-god.

[torchbearer]

[ kyle huffs. ]

Quite the pair.

[reneger]

I've seen worse.

( jason shifts his weight--moves so he's slouching in against kyle's side, only half paying attention to the tv now. )

Between the two of us, we might make half of a functional human.