i was born to hold my hands up (open)

[reneger]

Who: jason todd reneger & whoever
What: downfall event prompts ; post-event happenings
When: late july - august
Where: excelsior, central city, nyc
Content Warnings: body horror, child death, child abuse, general violence, drug overdose, suicidal idealization, etcetc



prompts in the comments because.... i can.

Comments

[reneger]

Biggest nerd I've ever known.

( he's still grinning, light and easy. he's already seen this episode so there's less need to pay attention, but jason keeps his head turned towards the tv anyway. )

The horror, I know.

[torchbearer]

The most terrible of fates.

[ kyle watches, curious. ]

So how many episodes is this?

[reneger]

Fifty.

( his head tips in towards kyle. looks over towards him. )

Have you read the book?

[torchbearer]

[ his brow furrows as he thinks back. ]

Probably, but it was years ago.

[reneger]

I'll accept that.

( the grin on his face is soft and easy, still turned so it's directed at kyle. )

What were you out doing?

[torchbearer]

At that age?

[ hmm, he thinks back. ]

I used to read a lot of mystery books at the time. To figure out what happened to my dad.

[reneger]

I meant when you were out, sunshine. Outside, just now.

( where the giant star of fire blares down on all the weirdos who go out when it's bright out. )

But did the mystery books help?

[torchbearer]

Nothing special. I just like to be out.

At the most, it made me feel like Nancy Drew deserved better than Ned.

[reneger]

You're not wrong.

( jason's attention focuses in on kyle though. looks at him for a moment, before he offers-- )

You had your mom, right? Growing up.

[torchbearer]

Yeah. My mom is great. Still great. She knows the secret and everything.

[ a beat. ]

But then Major Force broke into her house. Used some mannequin of her, cut it up and stuffed the parts in the oven. I tore into that house. And then I just . . . left. It's better when I leave.

[reneger]

It's hard being close to anyone, let alone civvies.

( jason won't tell him leaving was a shit idea. he won't suggest kyle go back, or anything stupid like that. he's--had his own shit experiences, getting involved with people. bonds are easy to take advantage of. )

You never know when it's all gonna turn to shit an' you'll only have yourself to blame.

[torchbearer]

So what do you do?

[ he's not sure he's really asking or not. ]

[reneger]

Don't ask me. Last time shit got complicated, I fucked off and told Roy he was better without me. And when he came back around, I told him it never meant anything.

( emotional competency is not jason's strongsuit. )

[torchbearer]

[ okay, he huffs, a little bemused. ]

You're always so extra.

[reneger]

In my defense, he'd almost died 'cause of me.

( not that it wasn't extra. because jason's pretty sure he couldn't have made it more break up-like if he'd tried. )

[torchbearer]

Would that change your response though?

[reneger]

After I'd left you and Donna, it was Harper who'd convinced me I couldn't go solo.

( a loose shrug, and jason turns his attention back to the tv. )

If I hadn't almost lost him--well, it would've happened eventually. We both pull stupid shit.

[torchbearer]

But you pulled back.

You could do it again. You have done it.

[reneger]

And?

( no point in denying it. jason's pulled the same shit here with the other robins, too. )

[torchbearer]

And . . . [ kyle squeezes his shoulder. ] . . . that's good enough.

[reneger]

The hell's that supposed to mean?

( there's context here that he's missing, and he's not sure what it is. )

[torchbearer]

It means instead of thinking about how far you went, consider that it's enough that you pulled back. Flip the script on beating yourself up on it.

[reneger]

I'm not beating myself up over it.

( he is, but. )

I'm just saying. It's hard enough having people 'round who get it, let alone people who're. . not involved in our side of shit.

[torchbearer]

. . . I don't know if that's the issue.

[reneger]

I'm at least slightly less likely to keel over if shit came up.

( it's hard to put what he means into words especially because kyle's a little out of his league as is. in the sense of--jason's only human. a human who died and came back to life, but human regardless. kyle is, too, but he's a lantern. significantly above jason's paygrade. it's not a status jason really gives two shits about; he keeps his feet on the ground because he knows it's what he's best at. that they have heavy hitters to handle everything above jason's level.

and jason wouldn't have considered sharing his space with kyle if keeping him alive was even slightly a concern. he trusts kyle to know his own limits, trusts that any enemies jason makes, kyle could handle if they came after him. anything less, and he wouldn't be here. )